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Are you the love-starved wife?
Watching this end of year milestone, it's easy to look back and ask: where am I, in my life story? what has this last year taught me? Why do I feel so behind, perhaps neglected or not loved?
The view perhaps is not encouraging....you can see here and there the empty fields of unsolved needs. Your own needs for love and connection, for example, could be pretty starved if you look closely. As you now have developed an acute sense of reality, at this moment you don't cheat yourself believing that what you have now is enough to nurture your own growth.
Painful? OK, it can be painful. But is your reality, and today we can use the end of the year to craft your own resolutions. Here is the map for a better 2016!
1.- Be realistic about the quality of your relationship
Don’t tell yourself: ”I hope it can get better some day" Do say: “I’m going to have basic expectations about this relationship, and know how to relate to him step by step. In this way, I will not be hurt by larger expectations that later never realize"
It’s all about setting achievable, incremental targets and sticking to them. We have described ways of improving communication with a passive aggressive husband in several posts of this blog.
2.- Aim for a balanced perspective:
Learning to see the positive aspects of your partner and appreciating them works miracles. If you try to experience both sides: "He keeps this stubborn silence around me, but keeps supporting the family without faltering," you can get a more balanced perspective. It is not completely horrible, and it's not completely marvelous, it's a work in progress. Besides, if you can change from an evaluative view to a compassionate view of the person besides you....it can soften the climate into one of mutual acceptance.
3. Never forget to put yourself first
Here is the real issue when deciding your resolutions: Put yourself first! Make a cold evaluation of your life, look at the areas less developed and make your list:
What do you need? I wish to remind you of this post, connecting you on solving emotional needs:
Do you aspire to more education? Make a plan to select one or two reachable possibilities, and put a deadline in your search, so by some point in the future, you are sure to be learning something new.
Is it more friends you aspire to? decide that you will make the effort and allocate time to share with one or more good friends. List the strategies you will apply to connect or reconnect with people you loved before, or how to circulate so you get to know new people. How many meetings a month will you dedicate to cultivate your good friends?
Or, is it that you want more pleasure? What is that makes you feel alive and happy? good books? music? working in good causes? being creative at some craft? define here a couple of your best passions, and include the resolution to do it more often. Please, define the amount of time or frequency you need, to make this really pleasurable...how many hours doing your hobby? how many yoga sessions? how many good concerts a month? Please, resolve also to be generous, and not stingy with yourself!
Just sharing with you some ideas...my suggestions here are designed to give you more self-esteem, more security and more peace at heart....May your New Year give you the courage to follow them and create your own happiness map!
