Healthy Relationship Survey

I have lived with my PA husband for 20 years now. He had trama in his childhood that at the time he never received couseling for. I get angry sometimes at his family ( his mother and older step brother ) because I feel like they are the cause of my misery.. my children are in their late teens and they have also suffered from their fathers PA behavior. I asked his mother why she did not get him “help” after the trama was discovered and she said, “it would have been an embarrassment to have a child in counseling back then”. How can I let go of this anger, resentment? I am the one having to live with their mistakes since they are in another state.