When I feel that he is “Playing Mind Games with Me,” the dream I’m yearning for is… being able to trust him.
Here we had some 85% of responses expressing the following dreams:
1. “Sometimes I feel like it’s a lost cause to think we can ever communicate openly about why he needs to play these games, why he hides his thoughts and actions. Maybe it isn’t hopeless to dream of clarity, but right now it seems like it.”
2. “I want to be an integral part of his life and worthy of so much more than games. I do not like playing mind games and think this is the worst aspect of my PA husband. I do not want to have to play games to get what I want; I prefer to be forthcoming, and want that in return.”
3. “I would like to have consistency, to trust that a yes is a yes and a no is a no. Being with a man who changes his mind all the time makes me feel insecure, like I can’t trust him. I never know where I stand, and I leave the argument feeling like nothing has been resolved. It makes me feel heavy.”
In what other ways would you know that you can trust him?
• “My well-being is more important to him than keeping up appearances of perfection.”
• “We never waste life’s precious moments; we focus most on loving each other.”
• “I can think clearly when I’m with him, and I have faith in myself and my perceptions.”
• “Reverse psychology does not occur when we are working things out.”
• “He would never insult my intelligence by being dishonest or trying to manipulate me.”
• “He is above cheating me or stifling me; he thrives on bringing out the best of me.”
• “Our relationship doesn’t feel faked. It’s a real, secure connection.”
• “Sometimes, if the situation is complicated, we set down a time limit and a goal.”
I simply need security.
NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need for a secure bond, where you can trust your own perceptions as connected to the shared reality, how are you going to send the message that you want to get rid of manipulation and deceit? How important is this need and how are you going to prevent the lack of trust that is so damaging to your self-esteem? How are you going to respect your own need for transparency and truth?