Previously in this series, we’ve discussed how our emotional needs are met through physical intimacy with our partner (part 1) and how our attachment styles affect our approach to intimacy and needs fulfillment (part 2).
To close out this series as an introduction to the brand new book Love, Sex, and Passive Aggressive Behavior, we’ll talk today about:
How Trust, is So Deeply Interwoven Throughout Emotional and Physical Intimacy,
Attachment styles are born and developed from our experience with trust as infants and children.
Could you, as a baby and then as a child, trust your mother or caregiver, to be there for you, anytime, anywhere, in any way that you needed her?
You learn this answer early, and the answer is repeated until it is ingrained in you. Your mother or caregiver was your window to the world, the model on which you base your expectations for the other people you encounter in your life.
If the answer was yes, you developed a secure attachment and believe that, basically, you can trust people to support you, care for you, and meet your needs. This is the basis for any healthy happy relationship.
If the answer was maybe, or sometimes, then you developed an insecure attachment and you are wary of trusting others. You are uncertain if your needs will be met, or if you will be disappointed, rejected, hurt and let down.
If the answer was no, then you developed an avoidant attachment and you do not trust others. You avoid putting your trust in anyone but yourself, because there is no way anyone can be relied on to meet your needs and it is safer not to expect or hope for it.
Trust is crucial to a relationship, as anyone will tell you.
So how do you establish a relationship, or maintain it, if the trust is not there?
And if sex and physical intimacy are so important to meeting our needs within a relationship, what happens to them with a lack of trust?
These are important questions. This is where it becomes clear that trust is interwoven deeply throughout our connections, bonds, with others. It all comes down to - Can I trust you to be there for me when I am in need (of safety, of support, of a hug, of feeling good enough, of great, healthy Sex)?
Have you been in a relationship with someone you either didn't trust completely to start with, or lost trust in along the way?
Have you ever been told by a partner that he or she didn't trust you?
What happened to your relationship, short or long-term?
Maybe this is happening to you now.
Because we have needs, emotional and physical, we seek relationships through which to fulfill them. If you trust someone to meet your needs, you tell him what those needs are. If you do not trust him, you do not tell him your needs. If you do not tell him your needs, he cannot meet them. If he does not meet your needs, you lose trust. If you take away trust, and you do not allow him to know your needs, he cannot build the trust by meeting them. And around and around beginning with whether you could trust your first caregiver, all the way until now and whether you trust your current partner.
Trust creates attachment styles, attachment styles allow us to trust, trust is necessary to build relationships, relationships are crucial to getting our needs met... We need to be able to trust, for healthy and happy relationships when adults.
Passive Aggressive behavior is used both because of a lack of trust and also to prevent trust. You've seen the connections built through this informational series on Intimacy and Passive Aggression, now it’s time to really learn more about Love, Sex, and Passive Aggressive Behavior!
Get your just released book here and now and start rebuilding the relationships you need to feel satisfied. Also, join our discussion on this topic!
Here is your link for the new book: Love, Sex and Passive Aggressive Behavior: