When I feel he is “Giving Me the Cold Shoulder,” the dream I’m yearning for is… warmth.
Some 78% of the responses expressed:
1. “Although no one should ever be given the cold shoulder, and I don’t agree with him giving it to me, I still want to know why he thinks I deserve it. Better yet, if I do something wrong and hurt him, I want him to simply come to me and say, ‘You hurt me.’ I would do everything in my power to right my wrong, if only I knew what it was.”
2. “I want there to be warmth in our relationship instead of this coldness that he’s created by turning me away. It would make me so happy to be able to say to each other, ‘Honey, I am upset because of this or that, but I still love you.’”
3. “I am allowed to express my feelings as long as they are in agreement with his. If they are not, I am isolated for them and given the cold shoulder. I want to feel that I am worth something to him, that I will never be ignored. I want to feel that I am part of a special institution – marriage – and not an orphan looking longingly through the window.”
In what other ways would you know that he would never turn his back on you?
• “I feel like I made a good choice when I married him. I can count on him for anything.”
• “He tries hard to keep a good mood and move on with the day, even if we run into a snag.”
• “I know that I am the last person on earth he would turn his back to.”
• “We have everything we need to be happy and comfortable. He would never jeopardize that by weakening our connection.”
• “When he’s upset, he never jumps to conclusions and blames me. We sit down together and talks things out until we find the real reasons.”
• “He makes me feel wanted and loved in a personal, intimate way.”
• “It would break his heart to know he had made me cry.”
I simply need his open heart, loving me.
NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be loved, included and helped by healthy confrontation when is needed...how are you going to find the warm support you need to face everyday's life challenges? How are you going to challenge his isolating himself and giving you the cold shoulder, and educate him into proper and respectful communication that solves problems and expresses love and commitment at the same time?
