Reflecting on the conversations going on at AskNora, we can see the common pattern of suffering described by the writers. Each one has a story where her own hopes of a happy life were thwarted by passive aggressive behavior. They were left in what looked like a marriage, but was a well of frustration and loneliness instead.
Indeed, each house is a different world. In each couple there are behaviors done, and behaviors missing. And a lot of time waiting for happiness to come back, to be just in the center of this relationship....We know a lot of what makes you unhappy;
we know less of what is missing; what would you make happier.
If we look at the experience of "walking on eggshells," we see that it is too common in the shared stories. If you had not to walk on eggshells, what would you like to experience instead of that behavior? What is the opposite experience that makes you feel secure and accepted?
If you identify with being in the receiving end of "Getting the cold shoulder?" what would you like instead, that offers you the opposite experience? how do you dream the feeling of having a partner that shares ideas and thinking and planning with you, and how does it make you feel?
We invite you here to share your thoughts. Please, look at the litany of passive aggressive behaviors our readers suffer and are describing in their postings at AskNora, check the ones that you recognize as part of your life....and feel free to describe what your soul wants instead. Nobody but you knows what is what would you feel right, loved and supported, so use your own words to describe what you want to have in your life now.
You can begin your comment by saying:
"Instead of this behavior (fill the blank here) what I really need/want/appreciate is this other behavior!" (describe your heart's desire here)
Thanks for sharing!
Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to https://www.creativeconflicts.com.
Linda, I couldn't have said it better myself!
What we wish for and what we get with a passive agressive husband are two very different things. Sometimes, in the beginning of the relationship, we think we have the best person for a husband, but it all changes. I am a wife of Passive Agressive of 20 years and am dealing with it now. I surely hope someday someone can find a cure, therapy, magic pill that would prevent this happening to any other good woman who wants the same as you and I. Stay Strong……JM
Instead of having my husband treat me as an adversary, I had dreamed of a husband who would be a partner. This means that he would be genuinely interested in knowing who I am and what my hopes and dreams are and would even be willing to make an occaisional sacrifice for my benefit.
Rather than an insecure child who puts his energy into maitaining a false, easy going personna and says what ever sounds like the right thing to say – I had envisioned a man who would trust me enough to tell me the truth about how he feels and what he really wants.
Instead of lies and decptions I wanted an intimate relationship founded on mutual trust and respect. I wanted my marriage to be the place where I would always feel safe, not having to be on alert for a snake in the grass.