How Well Are Your Emotional Needs Met?

Here is a Valentine's Day question: How Well Are your Emotional Needs Met?
valentine's day
You have a much better chance of having a long and happy relationship if your emotional needs are met. This is the basic and always forgotten marital contract: each one will provide what is needed to make the other person happy.... One reason that many relationships don't work out is that the partners don't feel that their needs are being met. If you have broken up from your partner and managed to talk things through and get back together, then this is a particularly important time to have your needs met.

If your partner doesn't know what your emotional needs are, then it will be difficult for them to meet your needs. Likewise, you should ask your partner what his needs are so you are better able to meet his needs. Neither of you are mind readers so this is something that you should sit down and talk about. Or better, take our test here and have your own list:

If you have never discussed your needs before you might be surprised at your partners needs. It is important to discuss needs as I'm sure you want to be happy together but that will be difficult if you don't know how to meet each others needs.

Different people have different needs so you should never assume that your partners needs will be the same as yours. Your needs may be that you feel the need for your partner to tell you that he loves you regularly. So you may tell him that you love him quite often because you assume that he also has that need. Although I'm sure he loves hearing it from you, it may not be his need so his actual relationships needs may not be met.

It is much easier to keep each other happy when you sit down together and talk sincerely about what do you need from each other. Your relationship will grow and become much stronger when you know how to make each other happy. It is much easier to tell each other your needs instead of hinting to your partner what your needs are.

Perhaps your needs are for your partner to help out around the home, helping with the dishes or vacuuming. There is no point getting angry if your partner doesn't help you out with these things if you haven't even asked him to help you. Let him know that you need a little help with these things now and then and I'm sure he will be more than happy to help.

If you don't tell him that you want him to help, then he just may not think to get up and help. This might make you angry and you might begin slamming cupboard doors and acting out your anger. By showing your anger in a physical way you are trying to send him a message that you want his help but really it is much easier to just ask for help.

When you use passive aggressive behavior by acting out your anger to send a message it can actually damage your relationship. It doesn't work and it can just make you feel more angry and resentful towards your partner. Then he might help you with the dishes just to try and stop you from being angry but I'm sure he would much prefer to help you with the dishes because you have asked him. Let doing the dishes be his choice as a result of your request rather than have him do it out of guilt because you are behaving angrily.

There are many relationships needs that different people have and often they are simple things like showing affection, saying 'I love you', or helping with the dishes or showing real appreciation often. Whatever your needs are make sure that you talk about them so you know how to make each other happy.  (Reprinted from our post)

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