Passive Aggressive Husband

ValentineDays ago, we invited you to answer a survey about your dreams of happiness in a relationship. There were several questions, of which this is the first. We will publish the others shortly. Here are your  answers, expressing a deeply felt dream in this way:

When “My Emotional Needs are Ignored,” the dream I’m yearning for is...being cherished as his partner.


  1. "My dream is that he would show a willingness to address my emotional needs. He does not recognize and address my needs, even though I do so for him, and this creates a lonely feeling of dissatisfaction. Ideally, he would WANT to do this instead of denying that he may be causing my lack of fulfillment."


  1. "I would like to feel I am part of a couple; that I am with someone who cares enough to listen when I need something and try to help. I'm not asking for someone perfect who will give me riches and rose petals on the bed… just someone who loves me enough to make me feel loved. With my PA husband, I feel that he gives me the exact opposite of the things I need: loneliness, lack of affection, and punishment for wanting more."


  1. "My emotional needs should be important to my partner, even if he does not understand why. If I communicate my needs, I expect him to try to meet them, not undermine how I feel. He may say “They matter, you matter,” but that shouldn’t be said, it should be proven. Is it too much to ask that he try to make me happy?"



  • “He feels good when satisfying my emotional needs!"
  • "He notices that I'm upset and wants to discuss it or proposes an agreement on how we can both be satisfied."
  • "He can listen to my needs description without hostility, and with keen interest."
  • "He makes me feel heard, loved, cared for, by kissing and hugging me."
  • "I hear him saying, “I'm sorry,” “I'm gonna try my best,” “I love you”..."
  • "He cares about my emotional happiness and is eager that we both be fullfilled in our marriage."
  • "I makes me feel like I matter; that my thoughts, ideas, and feelings are respected and valued rather than ignored, minimized, or rejected."
  • "My emotions are okay with him and don’t change his perception of me."
  • "He never issues emotional threats that devalue me."
  • "I simply need to be loved, validated and respected."
  • "He makes me feel my emotional needs are as important as his or anyone else's. Every human being needs these things to feel a connection to the good in the world."

WELL, this is a lot of food for thought, right? as always, you can chip in any time, with your comments or letters...Now, wait for the next one!




Neil Warner
Neil Warner
I'm the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.
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