Thinking on different styles of doing conflict, I came across this message from one of the visitors of AskNora: When I was asking about her relationship with her husband, she said:
"With my ex? It was war at home. He thought he could wear me down until I gave up. He kept escalating his behavior until he was threatening suicide, destroying property, having tantrums, putting holes in doors.
I think he really thought he could wear me down by promising to help with a baby and then abandoning us emotionally. It just made me more determined.
One day when I was in a good mood (he hated that) our dinner was about done. We had a rotisserie chicken for dinner. He pulled off a leg and it was so tender most of the meat stayed on the chicken.
It was funny: I smiled and I picked off a small piece of that meat. It was a game... It ended up in a three day silent treatment. Because I "took his piece of meat and I should know what a big deal that is, and just because it means nothing to me, doesn't mean it means nothing to him..., etc."
And she added: "at that time, I realized I preferred silence, not his endless rattling in my ears...I was done with him!"
The really important point for me, listening to her story, was that moment when she realizes that his conflict escalation (having tantrums, pulling holes, threatening suicide, etc) is a desperate behavior he is doing just to keep her scared and weak, at home...Because she is done, nothing can make her move from her determination...and this allowed her to make the decision to walk away.
What is your breaking point, when instead of cowering in fear, a voice inside you says: "NO MORE!" I'm done with this life of war at home...And, can you walk away, even when there is no baby to protect, but you honor the responsibility of protecting yourself? I would love to hear your story!