Passive Aggressive Husband

strong woman


How can you plan your healing after passive aggressive relationships?


 If you have been living for some time within the passive aggressive cycle of abuse, there is some healing to be done!

First, let's use a bit of time to go over what are the possible impacts on you. Even if you don't see them clearly, it is possible that you have been affected in several aspects of your personality.

Let's list some of the possible effects, estimating that you have been in this relationship around 2-3 years?

After a consistent passive aggressive cycle of abuse, you can expect to define yourself as having or being:

  • poor self-esteem;
  • confused about what you aspire to do with your life;
  • insecure about your intellectual capacity;
  • waiting to receive permission to say what you want;
  • intimidated and forced to squash your creativity in order not to receive his angry critiques.

This is a self-destructive situation that will not improve by itself. You will become more and more poor in enthusiasm, energy and motivation to achieve your dreams. After getting to be for more time in this relationship, it will be difficult to remember the vital, healthy person you were at the beginning...

And you don't want to realize after twenty years, that the progressive devastation of your dreams has continued, right?

I.- Self Help with passive aggressive husband?

Wondering what can you do by yourself, if you happen to have not immediate help around?

Here are the Steps:

Recognize that you are participant in his crooked and sad vision of what a marriage is; now, tell yourself this is not the marriage you deserved

Hear you deep voice saying that you can't taker loneliness and abandonment any longer, and make it real this time

Walk around your house and say goodbye to the lack of love, attention, sex and recognition you experience just here...

If you need to cry, do it while saying : I cry because I'm saying goodbye to all this misery...."

Now, with tears or not, go to your desk and write down your own plan to recover yourself:


II.- Think about taking back power from a passive aggressive man

Here are the Steps:

Get to accept that all his shenanigans are only coming from a poor, deficient and insecure attachment with his mother/caretaker;

Give up the pretense that you are responsible for his behavior; it was learned way before he met you!

Look around and finally see the poor environment you are developing with him, and detach: this is NOT what your dreams promised you;

And tell yourself not to fear change any minute longer, in order to go/have/be where you want to be...

Do some deep breathing inhalations and feel the negative and love-starved context he put you in, and imagine yourself walking out to a sunny, warm space.

Now, write down your vision of who you want to be, and what you want to be doing....


 NOW, would you like to add here your own steps? Those that you have developed after so much thinking and praying, and that have worked for you?

You can either leave a comment at the bottom, or go to "ASKNORA" and post your comment... We love hearing from you! Thanks a lot!

Meanwhile, if you want  more information by reading this interesting text:

"The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness"

Or, you can get extra help by rebuilding your self esteem, here



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10 years ago

Its good to know that I wasn’t neurotic and that such a thing as passive-aggressive behavior exists. I fled an aggressive-aggressive seven years ago then after four years of remaining single I met someone who I thought would be different because he talked about spiritual matters and presented himself as a kind caring and loving person. At first it was lovely but then things started to slide – silence, resistance, withdrawal, rationed sex, evasiveness and a distinct feeling that I was being punished. If I objected I was being irrational, lacking in spiritual love or putting him under obligation. In my previous twisted relationship there were bruises but in this one the damage was worse because it was covert. After two years of trying to understand what was happening I said enough. I went with my gut instinct and said I am being abused and I don’t care what he says Im ending this. I didn’t get angry I just packed his things and shot him out of my life. I went back to the original basis for the relationship where he said he wanted the same things as me and I wrote down every incident where he had demonstrated opposition to that. Finally I looked to the future and said to myself ‘there is no point in continuing with this because there is no future in it’. I then allowed myself to heal by accepting that I would go through a period of grieving – not for the loss of the relationship but for the loss of the dream. Today I’m still healing but I’m getting better. Sometimes I think I still love him but it could be that I pity him. I don;t want to rescue him because I didn’t break him and its not my job to fix him. I mentally wish him well and hope he finds what he’s looking for in life even though I know that that is unlikely.
I hope this might help someone who is still struggling. Thank you for letting me release this

Reply to  kawabi
10 years ago

Dear Kawabi,

few times I have the pleasure to read a comment like yours…I can see that you are very advanced in the route to discover your life mission, through self-actualization.

The part that touched my heart is when you share that you are able to pray for him freely realizing he is as trapped in his behaviours as we have been trapped in our issues…
If we could have the opportunity to have a talk, I’d jump at it, knowing that you have insights that other women on this site will appreciate and value.
Thanks again for this precious comment!

11 years ago

It is frightening to read the list of five(5) points made in this article about what living with a passive aggressive man does to you…..after 4 years of separation from my husband who I am waiting to be divorced from I can say they are accurate but also to add that one can extricate themselves from all of them….self-actualization is the key….and yes the road to that is a process utilizing numerous resources….therapists/books/spiritual guidance/whatever medium in our world or the next that will help you become clear with who you are and what led you to this place….one you free yourself from how this all came about you will be sure not to let it happen again…..I now can more freely pray for my husband realizing he is as trapped in his behaviours as we have been trapped in our issues…..physical/mental/emotional/spiritual well-being will all improve…..and once this improves you are also in a better position to give back to the world at large in whatever capacity moves you to help……you will find yourself smiling not only on the outside but also on the inside…..there are many doors to walk through in freeing yourself from your own past but it’s well worth the journey. I wish all of you the gift of gaining back your “true” spirit.

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