Can Valentine's Day help to make your healthy relationship happier?
Valentine is an opportunity to express warm feelings to each other.
What is the difference you want this Valentine's day?
- your buddy expressing his intention to celebrate you being in his life;
-having him preparing a special outing for both;
-receiving from him a new, fresh love and appreciation message;
Well, as things are now, today, you will get nothing...Not only he will not start projects for you two to celebrate your relationship, but he will resist and sabotage whatever you can think or propose...How do we know? because you told us about his resistance to show anything on this date...
Dreadful scenario, right?
If you have a long story of disappointment with his attention to Valentine’s day, because either he ignores it or refuses to go along with any program that would make you feel special....forget about demanding anything Valentine-related.
We have a different and sneaky way to shift the stalemate in the connection and force him to feel connected with you. Just let me tell you a story, to explain better this idea.
"Alice and her husband Wayne can’t remember the last time they've gone a date. With both of them working and trying to keep the kids fed and busy with school each day, they rarely have time to spend with each other.
Over breakfast, Alice stares at Wayne and doesn't feel much of anything. She realizes, not for the first time, that there’s no spark. The relationship is stagnant.
At work, Alice’s (male) coworker has been suggesting they get together for drinks sometime after office hours. It's innocent, right? She can leave work a little early and Wayne will never notice. She can rationalize it as having to talk more about a project… but the butterflies in her stomach are signaling something different… the invitation is exciting for her because it is unpredictable and anything can happen… they can hash out project details, or the conversation can give her a bit of the personal attention and interest she is craving. Finally, someone is looking at her as an exciting, sexy woman!
Being in love and being on drugs have something in common: the brain is actively engaged in the production of hormones like dopamine, that make us feel excited. As a matter of fact, this is the same mechanism that chocolate uses to make us happy! Is this what she is looking for: the feeling of being loved? You bet!
So, do you miss the excitement? do you want more love excitement/dopamine in your brain just in time for Valentine's day? No need to take a new lover if the life you have with your present partner is giving you most of what you need concerning security and stability?
Here is it: you need to generate in your brain (and in your partner’s brain) the dopamine-producing activity: both of you need to do something together that is completely new for both. In this way, the excitement produced by the activity will help start a feeling of connection in your brain...similar to like being in love again. This new activity, be it snowshoeing, trekking, ballroom dancing, etc. will provide the challenge to the brain to begin producing the results you expect. So, get ready to organize some activity, plan ahead and take care of the details...and surprise him with this new activity.
What if he refuses? Well, you have to tell him that you are scared of beginning something new by yourself, but you need exercise, or fresh air, or using some muscles, and you need his help. This is the important part: remember the piece about being needed? tell him that you need him!
If he still refuses, well, we wish you to have lots of fun doing this activity by yourself, or taking a class with other people. Be sure to come home glowing and happy, so he can see how much fun he is missing...
In what ways have you achieved excitement in your relationship? What ideas can you come up with to refresh your love?