He keeps asking, bewildered: "Why is she so upset with me?"
Sometimes, you find a husband "surprised" at his wife reacting at him with accumulated anger:
His "surprise" of course compounds her anger! His denial can only lead to a bigger fight!
According to psychology research, we all use defense mechanisms...they are those mental tricks that are so handy to protect us from unwanted events...so we can deny, forget them, turn them upside up, project them to others, etc, We can have relief from negative self-images...and continue believing that we are (almost) perfect.
It's very common that we "don't understand" other people's reactions to us...Isn't that funny? we can be legitimately amazed at some reactions, never thinking of asking the basic question: if we are together, does that reaction has anything to do with my own behaviors?
In this way, of course, denying our authority, we are able to maintain this illusion of us doing nothing other people could be offended, aggravated, or hurt by us...We can even add some neutral comments like: "well, everyone is different, who knows what started her at the office, the car workshop, her family, her period, etc etc..." So we can feel exonerated of her grief!
It's not unusual that we end up not owning our own behaviors and their impact on our loved ones in too many opportunities.
Today we have this new short booklet for you:
Why is she so upset with me?
Of course, you could use it also as a starter to review other relationships, not only with your partner or spouse; it applies also to everybody we are in a relationship with...The point here is:
Everything you do has some impact on others. Being aware of this impact can help your relationships immensely because you will know better what to do to people in order to get the cooperation you need... Stop denying, and begin asking yourself: if I get more positive and loving responses with some behaviors, (and not with others), how can I stop thinking that I'm helping my wife when I do critique her clothing, her weight, her cooking? If you don't deny it, you will see clearly that those are non-supportive behaviors that will reap you only a lot of bad will....Stop denying that what you do is hurtful, and accept that being very critical is not the way to go...
Want to read more? The good thing is that this perspective has been published in a new, free book! Just click here and you will access it immediately...Have fun!
Of course, I want to hear your feedback!! Otherwise, how am I going to know where is my self-preserving denial? Here is your place to help me! Thanks...