Dealing with a difficult husband?
All couples need to learn the fine art of keeping the marriage alive. It means, being cooperative and helpful, and not being a difficult husband! We bring from our own families some narcissistic traits that can be lethal to a love relationship. Perhaps you can honestly try to stay away from the ones mentioned in the list below, if you want to be seen as a not so difficult husband?
1.- Not Giving Your Partner the First Place.
You will be sending a sad message: perhaps your work, a bunch of high school friends, of course some games, your family of origin...everything can be more important than this person you have chosen to share your life with. Giving this person very little attention is active neglect, almost an insult, and it sends a very strong message. If you consistently neglect your partner, you can be assured that any love feelings will not be strong enough as to keep the marriage going. You can be an ex-husband fast!
2.- Allowing Yourself Angry Explosions for almost no reason.
Of course, you will say that anger is a normal reaction!. And it's right: at some time, each one of us gets angry. It's what you do with your anger what matters here. Even when you feel angry, because there is a good reason to be angry, be respectful and reassure your partner that you are just angry, not attacking them. And if you are angry at your partner, calm down; get a sip of water, breathe deeply so you are able to express the reasons for that anger in a way that the other person can accept and understand. No personal attacks, and a lot of Fair Fighting is necessary! Remember, lots of personal attacks will make of you a terrible spouse.
3.- Hurling Unfair Accusations against your Spouse.
If you, because anger clouds your mind, begin accusing your partner of not caring about you, having never loved you, dating someone else when they are five minutes late from work, or intentionally trying to hurt you, or any other negative comment you can fabricate, STOP!
This accusations are very destructive; they can get you in deep trouble and get nothing for you because it is abuse. You are only showing how much out of control you can! By scaring your partner you only get the other person in the defensive, always thinking of your next explosion, and now really having to hide some information from you, and this will end up destroying your relationship. If there is something bothering you that you need to talk with him/her, sit down and ask in a courteous way and respect the other person's limits.
4.- Constant Fighting.
If you are constantly bickering with your partner, and finding things you are upset or negative about, you are in the wrong business. Remember that you need to do five positive comments to cancel out one negative or demeaning comment done to your partner...Learn how to be an active listener. If you cannot effectively do this exercise, then you might want to seek professional counseling. Fighting with your spouse all the time is akin to being angry all the time, and when it happens in public, humiliates both of you. Write in a piece of paper the list of your complaints, ask for some dedicated time to talk, and do some negotiation about the issues that irritate you. After that, forget your mood and try to be optimistic and joyful. Life doesn't owe you anything, remember?
5.- Disrespectful or Demeaning Comments.
These don't serve any kind of healthy relationship, and you should particularly avoid them if you want to keep the other person happy. There is always a cleaner, more direct way to communicate your needs than being demeaning, and forget about doing negative critiques about your spouse to your friends, or in public! this is basically dishonest and reveals how childish your behavior can be. Even better, could you train yourself in being appreciative of her presence in your life? Talk about the joy this person brings to your life, finally?
