Wishing to let go of the abusive husband in your life?
I know, I was thinking in the same vein...perhaps planning how to let go of old grudges and repair or forgive old hurts? Or perhaps stopping them from happening now for good?
This season invites us to do this process of cleaning up what is old, stale, and hurts our present mindset...how can we be grateful for good things present and still to come, if we are still fixated in our old wounds?
I’m referring to old wounds like the ones that emotionally abusive relationships leave on us....those are difficult to erase, and always prompting us to take a negative view of situations. If we end up being chronically suspicious of new people, fearing they are going to hurt or abuse us, that is the old mindset left by the abuse in us. Nothing wrong with being prudent, but closing yourself up to new friends...that is an extreme defensive reaction, the external face of an old wound.
Interpersonal abuse is around us, and when you suffer it, you learn to recognize a thousand ways it can appear in our lives. It is hurtful, its impact lasts for a long time, and is difficult to repair.
Perhaps you did suffer abuse as a child, as I did? it teaches you a bitter lesson: that you are nothing, and that you have no place in the world...Or perhaps you learned to be humiliated by a love relationship turned abusive?
There is a lesson to be learned here, and that is what I want to share with you today...I have described my path from abuse to personal freedom in a new book:
“Letting go of an abusive relationship,” where I share my two lessons: what was the meaning for me of suffering abuse at the hands of a husband, and how to detach and let go, once my lesson was learned. Looking back, I now see the process clearly as the harsh way of life teaching me to be resilient; to learn the skills of surviving and resisting, and to develop compassion for all other people being abused like me.
The process included defining my own self, and setting clear boundaries for the people around me, so I could feel respected and valued.
Abuse, in general, is an issue of disrespect that usually involves trespass upon a person's right to be treated as an equal partner due to unclear or poorly defined boundaries. Once I recognized that I had a part in allowing him to disrespect me, I was able to stand up and be clear about what my needs were. I need mutual respect in any relationship....then and now.
My lessons are very important for you too! The first one I had invited me to understand the hidden meaning of the abusive situation and understand why in my life, like in yours, the abuse had happened;
The second lesson, (having learned the one about “why am I here in this abusive relationship?”), was about to let go of that relationship as fast as I could.
Being able of letting go of the relationship with less possible damage, and gaining in the process a lot of resilience strength has served me well in the period after leaving. I have learned how to manage any abuse, how to stand up for my own needs, how to respect myself and teach others to respect my integrity, and how to be the owner of my own life.
I want to share all my lessons with you, so you can also let go of any painful abusive situation you could be in as fast as you get the lesson hidden in it, and with that precious treasure, walk into your own new, abuse-less life.
Do you want to read about my process? It’s all here in this new book, that you can download FREE just clicking here: “Letting Go of an Abusive Relationship”.
Now, let’s have a peaceful and joyful Thanksgiving! To your happiness!
I really enjoyed your downloaded book….it is the idea of turning away from
“fear” and turning towards “love” again….and perhaps for the first time in
one’s life….learning to love oneself is a process….it doesn’t happen
overnight…it can take years to reach that point….and certainly the idea of
loving another man well I suppose for myself there is the ‘dream’ of someone
I’m waiting to receive approval from the bank for my own
mortgage….having to find out if I have to get an appraisal from them as our
city flooded this past year and according to some part of the bank’s postal code
information where I live is in a flood zone….of course the gal said she told
them that my postal code area is a large area…and the bottom line is that if I
had flooded I wouldn’t be living in my house right now! Anyway just waiting on
this woman trying to overturn this request and then once achieved the lawyer can
release the separation agreement to the other lawyer and get it sent off to him
in Australia….I’m praying that this stage is completed by Christmas….that would
indeed be a good present. The more I read and the more I allow the facts about
emotional abuse to percolate the more I realize that my not living with him is the
best thing I ever did for myself.
Certainly this type of passive
aggressive behaviour is one that takes time to figure out and make peace
with…for me I believe my mind always went back to “why would he want to be
like this since he grew up with parents who didn’t love him”(which he openly
admitted to me)…why would he not want to be a better person….but alas under
it all lies the issue of needing to take “responsibility” for himself and
change…and under that I suppose is shame/blame he grew up with. Regardless
it’s his issue and not mine and I just want to move beyond him!
for all you are Nora!