Being in an intimate relationship with a passive aggressive person creates a paradox – while you are together to create and encourage a romantic relationship, his passive aggression urges him to avoid intimacy and withdraw from connection. When he shuts down and turns away from you, it can feel as if you’re the only one who really wants to be connected, and that there is no point on reaching out to him.
Today we’re offering a tip that will help you work through these feelings in a healthy way, so that you have a clearer understanding about the relationship.
The real struggle we see in relationships like this is that the victim can’t identify what’s really going on. Maybe you see him pulling away and think “He doesn’t love me.” Or, even worst: "I'm not lovable." In reality, he is afraid of getting too close and then being hurt.
This conflict within himself creates conflict between the two of you; he sends out contradicting messages like “I’ll be here for you when you need me,” and then he’s gone when you need his support in a project or event.
He’ll produce even more confusion by trying to rationalize his behavior, giving you a list of good reasons why he does what he does.
Here’s the tactic most helpful for avoiding the confusion his actions can cause:
Come to terms with being in a passive aggressive relationship. This has a lot to do with saying to yourself: "this is my situation, this is how it is. It is not about me, or him not loving me. It is about him, his passive aggression, and his hidden fears. My confusion and emotional pain are indicators of being with him – not him being with me!"
When you think clearly about the situation, you are better prepared to move forward toward a solution between yourselves.
Otherwise, you’ll keep accusing him of not wanting a relationship, he’ll accuse you of being too needy, and you’ll keep going around in circles!