Sexless Marriage: Feeling That an Important Part of Your Marriage is Missing?

If you're struggling with a sexless marriage and suspect passive-aggressive dynamics may be at play, this post is for you. Written for wives and partners who feel emotionally abandoned and physically rejected, this article explores the painful reality of intimacy withdrawal in passive-aggressive relationships. Dr. Nora Femenia, Ph.D., a conflict coach and relationship advisor, shares real reader experiences and offers guidance on understanding this complex issue and finding a path forward.

Are You Experiencing a Sexless Marriage with a Passive-Aggressive Partner?

Here and there, the sexless marriage part of being in a passive aggressive marriage raises it head, so we have sad comments like these on this site comments page:
"Two years ago my husband stopped touching me all together. He said that it was because I didn't pay attention to him one morning when he sat next to me on the couch. I found out a little later that he has been involved in a very long-term affair with a coworker. When I confronted him about it he refused to talk about it, but he did blame me for all the problems. "

"Throughout the last couple of years he has continued seeing other women and has remained emotionally detached towards me. He seems to want to continue the connection with other women and remain in the marriage. The whole situation disturbed me on such a deep level that I only have just begun to think straight and about readying myself for a divorce. There is a very heavy price to be paid in remaining in these marriages. I feel I am in a financially bad position to divorce. I would love to get any feedback. I am fighting desperately to pick myself up from the dirt."

I'm really bummed in our marriage about sex. He is quite a bit older than me (ED not an issue though) and anytime I suggest we have a "date" he flips out. Often he yells at me, the rest of the time he acts like it is the most preposterous, insulting thing I've said in a week. We've slept together four times in the last six years -- prior to that it was monthly, maybe, often with more of the same. No foreplay, no "love" just seemed like it was a yucky chore for him. This has really left me feeling quite ugly and unwanted. "

"I know he loves me (or at least really needs me) but the all-around disdain -- it just freaks me out. He won't discuss any of this, of course. After years of extreme isolation, I've finally gone back to the working world. I feel like if the opportunity to have an affair arose, I would take it. Don't really want to wreck my daughter's "happy" home, though, and I do not plan to leave him. Any suggestions you could offer would really be appreciated."

We have been following this part of the passive aggressive challenge very closely, and thinking on best suggestions to reduce the pain of the "all-around-disdain..." As you know we tend to think about this marital challenge as a basic inability to enter into the only deep, intimate connections that really ask for much more than superficial behaviors.

According to research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, approximately 15-20% of married couples are in sexless marriages, defined as having sex fewer than 10 times per year, and emotional disconnection is frequently cited as a primary contributing factor.

Part of the results are in our new book that we have just published in Amazon Kindle, and that offers some solutions for you to try.

If this situation sounds familiar to you, and you want to participate in the evaluation of the book, please leave your name and an email address (as jane @hotmail.com) below and we will send you your own evaluation copy, no payment involved.

Or you can head on to Amazon right now : https://amzn.to/14P0mZD

If you don't own a Kindle device, we have you covered too, you still can read the book on your computer screen, downloading the free Kindle reader here.

After reading the Kindle book, we would appreciate if you can post your comments about the book on the Amazon page and share how those solutions worked for you, so your ideas can help others?

Again, this free book is only for you, and only for this week...

Hurry up and download it before June 16, so we don't run out of the 100 copies approved to be given away to our members of this blog...I'm very excited waiting for your comments!

Frequently Asked Questions About Sexless Marriage and Passive-Aggressive Behavior

What is considered a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is typically defined as a relationship where partners have sexual intimacy fewer than 10 times per year. However, the emotional impact goes beyond frequency—it's about feeling rejected, unwanted, and disconnected from your spouse. In passive-aggressive relationships, withholding intimacy often serves as a silent punishment or control mechanism.

Why does a passive-aggressive husband withhold intimacy?

Passive-aggressive partners often use intimacy withdrawal as a way to express anger, resentment, or control without direct confrontation. This behavior allows them to punish their spouse while avoiding accountability for their actions. It's a form of emotional manipulation that leaves the other partner feeling confused and blamed for the distance.

Is withholding physical affection a form of emotional abuse?

Yes, consistently withholding physical affection and intimacy as a means of punishment or control can be considered a form of emotional abuse. When combined with blame-shifting, stonewalling, and refusal to discuss the issue, it creates a toxic dynamic that erodes self-esteem and emotional safety. Recognizing this pattern is essential for understanding your situation clearly.

Can a sexless marriage caused by passive-aggressive behavior be repaired?

Repair is possible but requires the passive-aggressive partner to acknowledge their behavior and actively commit to change. This typically involves professional counseling, improved communication skills, and consistent effort over time. Without genuine accountability from both partners, the cycle of withdrawal and disconnection is likely to continue.

How do I cope with feeling unwanted in my marriage?

First, recognize that your partner's withholding behavior reflects their emotional limitations, not your worth or desirability. Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem through supportive friendships, personal interests, and possibly individual therapy. Setting clear boundaries and seeking professional guidance can help you navigate this painful situation while protecting your emotional health.

Should I stay in a sexless marriage for the sake of my children?

This is a deeply personal decision that depends on many factors, including the overall health of the relationship and your emotional well-being. Children benefit from seeing healthy relationship models, so staying in a toxic or emotionally abusive marriage may not serve their best interests. Consider consulting with a therapist or coach who specializes in relationship dynamics to explore your options.

Where can I find help for dealing with a passive-aggressive spouse?

Resources include relationship coaches who specialize in passive-aggressive dynamics, licensed marriage and family therapists, and educational materials like books and online courses. The Passive Aggressive Husband website offers coaching resources, reader Q&A, and practical guidance from Dr. Nora Femenia specifically designed for partners dealing with these challenging relationship patterns.

📅 Last updated: July 13, 2026