Passive Aggressive Husband

Are You In a Sexless Marriage?

sexless marriage

Here and there, the sexless marriage part of being in a passive aggressive marriage raises it head, so we have sad comments like these on this site comments page:
"Two years ago my husband stopped touching me all together. He said that it was because I didn't pay attention to him one morning when he sat next to me on the couch. I found out a little later that he has been involved in a very long-term affair with a coworker. When I confronted him about it he refused to talk about it, but he did blame me for all the problems. "

"Throughout the last couple of years he has continued seeing other women and has remained emotionally detached towards me. He seems to want to continue the connection with other women and remain in the marriage. The whole situation  disturbed me on such a deep level that I only have just begun to think straight and about readying myself for a divorce. There is a very heavy price to be paid in remaining in these marriages. I feel I am in a financially bad position to divorce. I would love to get any feedback. I am fighting desperately to pick myself up from the dirt."

I'm really bummed in our marriage about sex. He is quite a bit older than me (ED not an issue though) and anytime I suggest we have a "date" he flips out. Often he yells at me, the rest of the time he acts like it is the most preposterous, insulting thing I've said in a week. We've slept together four times in the last six years -- prior to that it was monthly, maybe, often with more of the same. No foreplay, no "love" just seemed like it was a yucky chore for him. This has really left me feeling quite ugly and unwanted. "

"I know he loves me (or at least really needs me) but the all-around disdain -- it just freaks me out. He won't discuss any of this, of course. After years of extreme isolation, I've finally gone back to the working world. I feel like if the opportunity to have an affair arose, I would take it. Don't really want to wreck my daughter's "happy" home, though, and I do not plan to leave him. Any suggestions you could offer would really be appreciated."

We have been following this part of the passive aggressive challenge very closely, and thinking on best suggestions to reduce the pain of the "all-around-disdain..." As you know we tend to think about this marital challenge as a basic inability to enter into the only deep, intimate connections that really ask for much more than superficial behaviors.

Part of the results are in our  new book that we have just  published in Amazon Kindle, and that offers some solutions for you to try.

If this situation sounds familiar to you, and you want to participate in the evaluation of the book, please leave your name and an email address (as jane   @hotmail.com)  below and we will send you your own evaluation copy, no payment involved.

Or you can head on to Amazon right now : https://amzn.to/14P0mZD

If you don't own a Kindle device, we have you covered too, you still can read the book on your computer screen, downloading the free Kindle reader here.

After reading the Kindle book, we would appreciate if you can post your comments about the book on the Amazon page and share how those solutions worked for you, so your ideas can help others?

Again, this free book is only for you, and only for this week...

Hurry up and download it before June 16, so we don't run out of the 100 copies approved to be given away to our members of this blog...I'm very excited waiting for your comments!

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Reply to  Lawrence
10 years ago

Lawrence,
if you did finally buy the book, could you do me a favour? Can you write a comment about it on the amazon page? It needs comments…thanks a lot!

norafem
Reply to  Linda
10 years ago

Linda, I need to send you a copy, but here I can’t see your mail address…can you write to me and send it? norafem gmail

norafem
Reply to  Linda
10 years ago

Linda, I need to send you a copy, but here I can’t see your mail address…can you write to me and send it? norafem gmail

Linda
Reply to  norafem
10 years ago

If you can get a copy to me, I would be happy to provide feedback

janet
Reply to  Lawrence
10 years ago

Congrats Lawrence for being “open” to learning….even the partner on the other side who is normally a “co-dependent” needs to learn….figure out why she is matched up with a “pa” personality….nothing happens in a “void” as you know(lol)…but when one avoids/resists/isolates/withdraws/makes excuses there is the “pa” behaviour whereas “codependents” fixate on overhelping and overfixing as they usually have some form of an abandonment issue and need to feel needed…and also probably were “not” heard growing up….and hence they end up with husbands who don’t hear them either…so back to the source before you were 5 years of age and find the clues that contributed to this….for most men it’s connected to their relationship with their mothers….you will hear it said that “pa” men have “mother complexes”….controlled by their mothers and often with mothers who turned to them for emotional support growing up hence they are spent in the “expectations” department of life….Best of luck! Janet

norafem
Reply to  Linda
10 years ago

Of course not…Amazon gives a software that you install in your computer (PC or MAC) , all free, here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd?docId=1000426311

So, you can read all Kindle books on your computer screen. Isn’t it fun?

norafem
Reply to  Linda
10 years ago

Of course not…Amazon gives a software that you install in your computer (PC or MAC) , all free, here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd?docId=1000426311

So, you can read all Kindle books on your computer screen. Isn’t it fun?

Linda
10 years ago

Nora,
Is it necessary to have an e-reader to participate?
Linda

norafem
10 years ago

Hi everybody,

thanks to all who wrote asking for the copy of this book….I appreciate your interest! Want to share some reflections of Janet after reading the book:

Janet wrote in a private mail: I finished reading your new book……the idea of the “differing” attachment styles certainly rang true and was in fact what the therapist said early on about the two of us…that we were opposite sides of the same coin…..that we both had suffered insecure attachments…..I would cling on and he would avoid….the inability to give and receive for him was there and was very evident each and every time I knew he was trying to get away from me through overworking, golf trips, drinking, watching tv….
If as a couple people can find the “gift” in all of this……to take one back to their early life where this attachment style happened and why then they could realize it has nothing to do with each other….the clinger/avoidant always match us….they each have each other’s missing parts…..one can’t force a “pa” to connect/learn…
As my imago therapist said “connection = pain”…..so perhaps “pa” people if ever, would match up with another “pa” person although there isn’t much to be gained in a relationship where both people are avoiding each other….I know my therapist said a long time ago that once you deal with your issues then these defensive behaviours dissipate and all that is left are two people….the behaviours of avoidance/clinging will no longer be required. Good book Nora!

Reply to  Cindy Ferarra
10 years ago

Hi Cindy! of course…it is already in your mailbox! Hope that you are doing OK….be well and thanks for the Amazon page comment offered!

Cindy Ferarra
10 years ago

Hello Nora! I would love to read your book and provide feedback. Can u retrieve my e-mail since I prefer not posting it here? Thank you so much!

Barb
10 years ago

This has been my situation for the past 34 of my 38 years of marriage. The exact reasons why are still mysterious to me. Yes, he is passive aggressive and becomes very volatile easily. I won’t write my story here….but one day I might. Thank you for the chance to get this off my chest…at least a little bit. I just bought my own copy from Amazon and would be interested in other’s feedback in their situations. Thank you and God bless.

Barb
10 years ago

This has been my situation for the past 34 of my 38 years of marriage. The exact reasons why are still mysterious to me. Yes, he is passive aggressive and becomes very volatile easily. I won’t write my story here….but one day I might. Thank you for the chance to get this off my chest…at least a little bit. I just bought my own copy from Amazon and would be interested in other’s feedback in their situations. Thank you and God bless.

Lawrence
Reply to  Nora Femenia
10 years ago

Hi Nora
Thanks for all the effort that you have put into trying to get the book to me ,I will go and buy it .Call it fate that this has come across my path now .
Many thanks
Lawrence

Reply to  Lawrence
10 years ago

Sorry, Lawrence, but Amazon.co.uk doesn’t let me buy or donate from its page. Let me think how can I get a copy for you. The other solution is to buy your own copy, which will be very little money (the US price is .99 cents)….thanks for your interest!
Addendum: The point is your address; it comes back as non-existent.
(Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

xxxx@yahoo.co.uk (name replaced wih xxxx)

Technical details of permanent failure:
Google tried to deliver your message, but it was rejected by the server for the recipient domain yahoo.co.uk by mx-eu.mail.am0.yahoodns.net. [188.125.69.79]). Thanks anyhow!

Lawrence
Reply to  Lawrence
10 years ago

Hi Nora
Thanks for trying to send me a copy this is my email again don’t know why the( l ) was missing . lawvdv1@yahoo.co.uk If you would delete this from your open messages once you have sent it that would be much appreciated.
Many thanks
Lawrence

Reply to  Lawrence
10 years ago

awrence,

you address came back as rejected by amazon (awvdv1 @yahoo.co.uk) Will try again

Lawrence
10 years ago

Hi Nora
This is from a males point of view , I think I need to read your book because the passive aggressive words in your title resonant with me, the older I get the more I feel I am become like my father was to my mother , ( I think we take on these learned behaviors from our parents on a subconscious level )so If sending this message to and requesting a copy of your book will help me from going down that road it would have been of great help.
Many thanks
Lawrence

10 years ago

We have sent several copies, directly from Amazon, to people who requested one, here or in a private email to me. If you still want to read this book for free, go ahead, ad let us know of your intention…no need to write your email here, But hurry, we will cancel this offer when we have covered the number of gifts approved. Thanks you for your interest!

Reply to  LiveProactively
10 years ago

Your gifted book was sent late last night. Enjoy!

ptart
Reply to  Nora Femenia
10 years ago

Thanks a lot. Got it and enjoying it so far.

LiveProactively
10 years ago

Hi, Nora. I would love to read your book. Can you get my e-mail address from this post? Thank you!

may be
10 years ago
Reply to  ptart
10 years ago

Not to worry, I can get your email from this post, but is NOT public. Now, I will go to Amazon to send your copy! thanks a lot, and enjoy….

ptart
10 years ago

I would like to review the book but do not want to post email here. I tried the option to head to Amazon link provided but it did not give me any instructions on how to download.
Please advise how I can review the book without sharing my email publicly. Thanks!

ptart
10 years ago

I would like to review the book but do not want to post email here. I tried the option to head to Amazon link provided but it did not give me any instructions on how to download.
Please advise how I can review the book without sharing my email publicly. Thanks!

Reply to  M Russell
10 years ago

Hi dear M Russell,

you are the first, and your own copy of the Kindle book is already on its way to your mailbox! Amazon will send you a message telling how to download it…Thanks a lot, waiting to hear your comments!

M Russell
10 years ago
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