Sometimes we are slow to recognize the red flags in our relationships...perhaps we are needing company just now, and that takes priority over a clear view of the future implications for ourselves and our future. If you consider yourself a insecure person but are in love with someone who is secure, you are open to a lot of questions about the other person's behaviors.
What if you are an insecure person, in a relationship with a secure one?
If you think about how to trust another person, all the old insecurities are up again! You could again see your needs for love and affection, like in old times, frustrated or neglected. What to do with that nasty feeling of "not being good enough?" If you convinced yourself that you were unworthy of being loved, you would thwart and stop any open love declarations from a new partner thinking: "who is going to trust him?" Of course, not you, that know how untrustworthy people are.
This is the sad way in which we reproduce again the merry-go-round of self-deprecation, refusal to bond, isolation, as a new proof of our unworthiness
Please, let's go over this list of phrases revealing someone with an Insecure Attachment Style:
- “I’m just not sure I’m good enough.”
- “Oh no, don’t worry about me, I don’t want to bother you with my problems.”
- “‘It’s really hard to trust people completely.”
- “I just don’t know if he will be there for me when I need him.”
- “I’d rather not talk about it.”
- “Is better not to get too attached, because people can disappoint you”
Today, we might point at the powerful effect of this mindset as a self-fulfilling prophecy. As long as you are seeing the world in this way, you make yourself feel as dis-empowered as you were way back.
Too many times we look at what behaviors we get from our partners, but forget to look in the mirror...insecurity about your own worth will make it easier for your partner to do passive aggression or ignore you in other ways. Even a secure man will have difficulties to get at you and show his appreciation for your good qualities, that you will hide from him and from you.
Knowing where your challenges lie in accepting the trust and love available from others gives you a great place to start strengthening your confidence in your self-worth and in the bonds you build with others. Just knowing that your reaction is not due to risky situations of today, but a delayed response to unsure situations of your past can give you some leverage to begin changing your response to today's new loves in your life. Instead of hiding to “protect yourself” from experiencing the pain and shame of rejection or abandonment, you would examine the situation, get to discover the old roots of your fear, and gently push yourself to live in the present, accepting whatever gifts of love and appreciation your partner gives you now.
Perhaps getting more support would help you?
