Sometimes, the easiest strategy to balance passive aggression is to stop pushing, claiming or requesting...
This is called the Russian strategy, like when the locals were withdrawing into the woods leaving the field empty to Napoleon's soldiers... No resistance, no guerrilla activity, nothing. No support, show of interest or fear whatsoever.
How do you do it? Well, you have been pushing and cajoling, to your husband delight, so he can continue frustrating you big time! now, you are going to cancel this behavior, and do nothing, request nothing and ask for nothing.
It asks for a bit of discipline: you need to teach yourself to do without his help (as you are doing now), but killing the expectation that he will finally intervene. Tell yourself that this tactic will be in use for a week, not longer; so you can experiment with your own feelings.
Now, imagine that your room mate is gone, and go about your business doing all by yourself: if you need some shopping, either do it by yourself or do without. do not even mention the list of 'things that have to be done" to him...Be busy, involved in your own activities and look as happy as you can be. No distress, no anger, only a lot of self-control.
If you can, continue with this effort to the point in which he is forced to ask: ''What is going on with you?" and then respond: "Nothing, why?" with your more innocent face.
It has to be a surprise and a shock for him to discover that he can't manage your emotions doling out frustration and negativity to you! He has to understand that you are a self controlled person which doesn't depend from his approval or disapproval to be happy and busy....It looks a bit difficult, but this is a serious lesson to someone who believes that you are not independent from his control!
PD. we have more great strategies to teach you….keep reading. If you have a good friend in need of learning them, could you send this message to them? Thanks!