Passive Aggressive Husband

Business Woman With Vuvuzela

Enough of his silent treatment!


A desperate wife sent this comic and serious request for help...she copied for me the beginning of a letter to her husband:

"I was watching TV and the game, and some people were using those strange things to make noise...they are so obnoxious, and loud! I learned that they are called vuvuzelas, and immediately my mind came up with a ridiculous use of this toy, only to call your attention. Remember the last time I wrote to you?

I was saying:

  • I don’t know how else to call your attention to the hot issues you block and deny between us. We need to discuss some very hurtful issues between us...and it has to happen NOW!
  • I want to have sex, not once in a blue moon, but regular passionate sex.
  • I want to be a mother and you are controlling all of that for me. You have controlled it for so many years.
  • I cannot give you any more of my years without solving the basic needs I've begged you to meet. If I don't do something, I don't trust you to do anything.

We don't have endless time to not deal with this, the clock in my body ticks closer to menopause every day you procrastinate.

I'm going to blink my eyes and be 40 and I'm terrified I'll still be in this position, letting you control these things.
I don't want to leave you, but we need to have a serious talk about our priorities and what we want for our lives, I can't keep going along with what you want...." (and the letter goes on and on..)

What do you think?

An extreme resource like this sound producing gizmo, that can be maddening  loud, can break down his resistance?

Or it only expresses her huge frustration? At least, now she is deeply aware of what is at stake! Her own plans to have children are at risk!

Here is my answer:

"Dear Sally, I find your suggestion comic and desperate at the same time...

This sound is used to celebrate victory, and sometimes also, as you plan, to signal extreme frustration.

I'd suggest that you finally own your huge, ongoing, eternal frustration, and decide to begin packing, just now, while he is watching the game on TV.


 PD. I did send to her a copy of this free book: LeavingARelationship 6 (1).

Do you want your copy?

Just click and it will download...

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