Is there a way of confronting passive aggression when you find it?
Here are some ideas:
1.- The main problem many people face when dealing with passive-aggressive behavior is how to identify the behavior itself. The same mind that needs to observe and evaluate (yours) is being barraged and clouded by mixed emotional messages. It is extremely important that whenever you feel stressed or anxious about your partner’s behavior, you slow down and think about why you’re upset. Asking “Why?” is vital to unraveling the mental chaos that passive-aggressive partners create.
Immediately after that, we need to accept that confusion and emotional pain are indicators of being with a passive-aggressive (PA) person. After you realize this, it is much easier to see that you are not at fault – your partner is just spinning you in circles!
2. Remember that a person who displays PA traits is a person who never learned how to accept and manage his own emotions. Instead, like a child, he continues using twisted behavior to project his responsibility onto others ("you made me angry"). Deep inside, he is emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get close; displaying PA traits is simply a way to deflect feelings, and recover the security of his own isolation. DON’T feel rejected at a personal level because this is occurring at an internal level.
3. This brings us to the last shortcut: it is not related to YOU! You don’t have to be a beauty queen, a savvy business manager, or a sex bombshell to make him happy. It may come as a surprise, but PA's behavior has nothing to do with what you can offer him. Whatever you are, he is NOT relating to you, but reacting to some mental image he has about what a “good” partner is or does. Often, this image is twisted to meet his no-responsibility needs.
This means that it doesn’t matter who it is – he will react this way toward anyone who tries to enter into his private world and get involved. His fear is not of you, but intimacy and yielding his “ideal”; in other words, he is afraid of emotional compromise.
Why are these shortcuts important? Because they are just that: shortcuts. They enable you to cut through all the confusion and chaos and get to the heart of the matter more quickly. In doing that, you’ll be better equipped to control your own situation and future, releasing you from the influence of your partner’s passive-aggressive behavior. Need more? Here is "The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband"