Rescuing Your Life After a Long PA Marriage

• Passive aggression is learned in childhood;
• Is a defensive style focusing on how to keep other people away;
• There is little they can do to change the man they are living with, he must change himself.

After learning these concepts, the perspective of getting old in an empty marriage sets in. It is a moment of truth, where they see their past as gone, their present as painful, and the prospect of their future as filled with the same loneliness.

What can we offer in that situation? What is there to be done? Detach and take care of yourself. This time, the lesson is even more urgent.

Because they have serious deficits, because living your whole life in emotional misery leaves you empty and sad, and angry, the first task is to detach completely of the relationship. Begin to see yourself as worthy of attention, come up with a list of your own unattended needs and do for yourself what you have been waiting him to do all these years. Only then will you be strong enough to work on saving the marriage (if that’s what you still really want).

Fortunately, once you look at your emotional needs, you can see that there are multiple ways of fulfilling the voids. We can begin to offer some ideas, which you can pick from to begin.

Strategies for Self-Care and Recovery:

Make a plan to recover your self-esteem:
Appreciate your resilience up until this time, celebrate yourself and your strength.
Visit and/or work with people and places where you feel appreciated and well received.
Respect your life routine and add extra pleasurable tasks.
Take care of yourself: eat well, do your exercise routine and sleep well.
Have a plan to restore calm and stay self-centered with meditation, yoga or t’ai chi.
Afford yourself meditative walks in nature (or extra time in the garden).
Accept all your feelings and find confidants to share them with.
Place around the house positive images to see when you are feeling lost or sad.
Avoid self-judgements about your “guilt.”
Approve yourself and your decisions every day.
Do something special for yourself every day.
Acknowledge your own accomplishments.
Connect with others using reflective listening.
Learn the meaning of your marital experience lessons, and move on.

For more tips about detachment and what it means, see our other posts:
Detach from Passive Aggression, Kindly!
How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband?

You can also contact one of our coaches for a free coaching session, where you'll receive private, one on one advice about your personal situation and the struggles you're having with detachment and positivity. Call us today!