Are you doing the power battle in your passive aggressive marriage? End up feeling lonely and disconnected?
Here are some ideas to get a passive aggressive marriage under control:
Confirm: “I will ask you no later than Wednesday night,”
Say what will happen: “Please let me know if there is a problem getting the car there, because I will lose my client if I can’t drive to see them.”
Alert him: “Do you think you can do this for me? If you can’t, let’s decide now what we should do instead.”
Close the deal: “I need to know that I can trust you with this project, very important for me.”
Finally: Keep in mind that you need to have also a Plan B, for if he fails to deliver at the last minute.
If things go well, you can praise him and show your happiness. If there is a non-delivery, then you go to Plan B without any warning or other conversation. Be fast, act in a sure way and don’t leave any possibility for him to imagine that his non-delivery will stop you from doing what you need to do. This will send the message that his “sabotage” doesn't work.
Everything one step at a time!
Some families have had success with these methods in particular, because they allow the husband to feel like his space is being respected, which makes him get more involved instead of sulking over imagined slights.
After several repetitions of this dance, perhaps you can begin again with the requests, this time with more adult messages, such as: “Now that we both know that certain tasks need to be done regardless what we would like to do, and can’t be stopped, I would like to know if I can trust you with this new task.” Gradually, you can try to work in messages about responsibility - but moving too quickly in the wrong direction can scare your husband off the trail to recovery.
Have you thought of asking for your free coaching session? We will work together to create a plan to get more peace and happiness to your life. You will leave this phone session renewed, and inspired to finally end with confusion and inspired to achieve a change in your marriage! And you can manage your narcissistic husband better and faster!