How to detach from a passive-aggressive husband’s behaviors

Learning how to detach from the pain of his bad behavior takes some decision and commitment. If you are really at your wit’s end, why not try this method to regain your sanity?

The first step is to detach:

You need to teach yourself to be detached,  able to see any behavior from your husband in an impersonal way, and to stop taking his faults personally,  (like avoid seeing his  dirty clothes on the floor as a personal affront, or a symbol of how he doesn’t care enough about you, or this image having an impact on your self-esteem, as a good wife.) The best trick is to ignore them/pay a cleaner/kick the clothes to the corner and don't see them.

The second is you should reward the behavior you like and completely ignore behavior you don’t:

This means not only stop nagging but learn to block from your perception the behavior you don’t want.  You become more and more “blind” to that behavior…..and only see what you can appreciate.

If he is doing his usual passive-aggressive routine, being silent and leaving you in a vacuum, don’t escalate into a full-blown discussion. Don’t ask for a solution, don’t repeat your question, and don’t issue a deadline. Just go about your life, undisturbed.

Be there, and say something supportive, coming out of the blue: "It's so difficult to manage in a workplace like yours, full of competition and mean people...I'm proud to see how you manage there." And then keep silent....

Point out his victim messages. He may beat himself up first so you will feel sorry for him and won’t punish him. Show how his self-defeating talk clouds the issue of his not completing his responsibilities.

Praise him in areas he does do well often to build up his self-confidence and give him some recognition that probably is past due. And keep stressing your commitment to the relationship and how much you wish if the two of you could work out a process of dealing with daily conflict.

Keeping with the ideas from this past posting, here. I wish to repeat that this suggestion is a war tactic.....You have to forget momentarily your wish to have a clean and organized home, and focus only on going the distance: follow this strategy, ignore the chaos around you and see how he reacts. Surely you are changing your attitude so much, he will get surprised and shocked!