Is Your Abusive Husband a Grown Up Adult?

What Are the Indicators of Your Abusive Husband Being a Grown-Up?

Wearing eyeglasses

Perhaps you have the traditional way of thinking of yourself as a grown-up, an adult? With some milestones valid for all of us: it feels good to be independent and responsible and capable and competent. It feels good to be able to make one's own decisions and create our own lives, as an individual...We build our identities around the dignity of being our own person...and then comes marriage!

Of course, when you marry either in your 20s or 30s or later, the point is to learn the second life lesson: how to share life with someone else. This is another game, that comes after we detached from our parents and became independent from our childhood matrix. We get married to learn this new set of skills...and sometimes, somewhere along the path, and through all kinds of experiences that force us to grow, maturity sets in, and people become complete adults...It has to do with a new set of lessons: how to process juvenile illusions and accept marital realities and learn to appreciate each other's best aspects...or even loving their imperfections!

So here you are: at the point where you consider how much your partner continues being the resentful child of his difficult path, or has he moved on and matured? 

Some of the characteristics of the person who has achieved true adulthood are suggested here:
  1. He accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve.
  2. He does not indulge in self-pity. He has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.
  3. He does not expect special consideration from anyone.
  4. He controls his temper.
  5. He meets emergencies with poise.
  6. His feelings are not easily hurt.
  7. He accepts the responsibility for his own actions without trying to “alibi.”
  8. He has outgrown the “all or nothing” stage. He recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad.
  9. He is not impatient at reasonable delays. He has learned that he is not the arbiter of the universe and that he must often adjust himself to other people and their convenience.
  10. He is a good loser. He can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.
  11. He does not worry about things he cannot help.
  12. He is not given to boasting or “showing off” in socially unacceptable ways.
  13. He is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune. He has outgrown envy and jealousy.
  14. He is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
  15. He is not a chronic “fault-finder.”
  16. He plans things in advance rather than trusting the inspiration of the moment.

I came across this great ing just the other day. It is by Corey Allan from

And Corey says that it comes from a small tract published by an Alcoholics Anonymous group from Akron, Ohio. Its author chose to remain anonymous ….

Would you like to share and comment? Perhaps there is a line that touches you at a particular point?  Or how to balance some mature points with childlike behavior?

Or do you have questions about how to adapt this list to women? Let's talk!

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