How do you know when your relationship become toxic?
In a passive aggressive relationship, your needs can become frustrated to the point that you are being deprived of the very things you need to stay emotionally alive. In this way, passive aggression can escalate into something similar to an infection – in other words, your love can turn toxic.
What does it mean, that the love in your relationship has become toxic? It means that the heart of your relationship has become sick; you are two unhealthy people joined by needs that are not fulfilled. Almost like cancer, you begin consuming each other, until there is nothing healthy left.
The problem is that, also like cancer, this toxic love can go undetected for a very long time. You each may fool the other into thinking that you are nurturers and givers, when in fact, all that exists now is anger and insecurity. It is easy to see how, eventually, both people forget what it means to be healthy, in a healthy relationship. They begin thinking that this is the way it will always be.
How do you know if you’re in a toxic love relationship?
It’s simpler than it seems. Do you feel afraid or anxious most of the time you are with that person? When you’re apart, do you feel content because you are having a good time without this person, or do you worry about what they’re doing?
Maybe it’s hard for you to decide, because you’re used to seeing other couples handle things badly, too. It could be that your own parents had a toxic relationship, and you’ve just gotten used to it. Were them excessively dependent on each other, like enmeshed into each other? Were them used to a lot of domination and control of one on the other? We are talking here about relationships were the impact of the connection ends up smothering individual growth, or thinking or creativity of one or both partners. From the outside, they seem as they can't be happy together, but also can't be apart from each other...Do you recognize the picture?
Some other indicators of toxic love are:
- Hating the person you are with him;
- Thinking only about what you need to be happy, but can't get
- Beginning to dread spending time with your partner
- You need to force him into having your way, but keep failing
- The two of you are pulled in different directions, but can't be apart
- Struggling to find common interests, beyond "the children"
- Can’t agree on how money should be spent, start separate accounts
- Afraid to open up and share your ideas or feelings
- You’re ignored in public
- One or both of you flirt with other people
- Fear of your partner
- Disagree about what love really means
If your passive aggressive relationship has progressed to this toxic level, it is time to heal it, before you are both consumed by the frustration!
Please tune in to our next blog posting: Healing Your Emotionally Toxic Relationship...see you soon!