If you suspect this is happening to you in your marriage, here are some facts. It’s a simple and unfortunate truth that as a way of frustrating you, and retaining control of the relationship, your passive aggressive husband will at some point show no interest in sex, often exactly when you feel that the two of you are connecting and happy together. Sometimes it might be after a nice day with the kids, or a romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant.
So, if it’s passive aggressive punishment, why does there seem to be even less notice than usual? Most often, sex is withheld as punishment because of something that happened during the day that your husband cannot express to you emotionally. It could be that he felt emasculated by you taking control of punishing the children, or that he resents spending money (even when spent on himself, too). The take-away point here is that it usually has NOTHING to do with sex itself. In other words, you don’t need to lie in bed wondering whether you’ve “lost it.”
What happens when you lie awake worrying like this, is that his punishment does what it was meant to do 100%. Your husband’s passive punishment turns into something you do to yourself. You punish yourself by telling yourself you’re not thin, attractive, satisfying enough. At that point, he has effectively controlled the situation and your ideas about your own self-worth.
Something wives wonder at this point is how the passive aggressive man views sex. It’s a good question to ask. Something to remember is that for the passive aggressive man, sex means vulnerability (because it’s intimate). He feels that withholding sex will prove his "independence" and hide his fear of rejection.
Stay posted for our next article, on how to fight back against using sex as control! If you want a deep look at the hidden reasons for your husband's avoidance of intimacy, get this Kindle book: "Escaping The Sexless Marriage: A Practical Manual to Bring Back Intimacy and Trust into a Passive Aggressive Marriage"