Quite often, we’ll have comments from readers wondering how they could have been so blind to their spouse’s passive aggression and the toxic feelings they create. Some wives admit that they went back to their husbands multiple times, acquiescing to what the husbands wanted, without really knowing why they took the risk of being hurt again.
What is it about a passive aggressive person that is attractive to us? Well, one reason is that we seek out relationships that are familiar to us. We may not seek out spouses that are carbon copies of our parents, but we will seek out people who mirror the behaviors we’re familiar with. What this means is that you have chosen your passive aggressive spouse because your parent (or guardian) expressed similar behavior. If this is the case, you may be able to look back and see traces of passive aggression in other people you’ve dated, as well.
Beyond our past telling us who to pick, there are also certain needs that a passive aggressive person can fulfill for some people. Strange to think, right? However, for some people, tending to the passive aggressive person’s wounds and issues help build one’s self-esteem, make us feel like we have power, or fill a need to care and nurse someone in need. Sometimes, putting all our attention on someone else’s problems can give us a break from dealing with our own.
Can you see the danger in that?
Focusing yourself on ignoring your own problems, meanwhile "helping your husband to be a better person" with cause that your spouse will treat you with less and less respect.
Suddenly, the shock many women feel when they break with their passive aggressive spouse makes sense - the personal issues that went unaddressed for years are now looming on the horizon, making it impossible to feel independent and self-controlled at the same time.
Making the decision to take care of yourself and reevaluate what YOU need can be the biggest thing you can do for yourself in a passive aggressive relationship.
By focusing on taking care of yourself, healing your OWN wounds and moving forward, you can begin giving yourself the strength and confidence you need to work through your relationship, and perhaps be the role model your husband needs.