Talking about the pain of living with a narcissistic husband
Are You Married To a Narcissistic Husband?
There is no other situation as marriage to allow an intimate view of the person at your side.
It is through daily interaction that you get the behavioral bits that will make your definitive image of your loved one.
And how do we do this day-by-day task of perceiving the other near us?
In mediation, we use a very practical question that dissipates the confusion about what motivates a person to act:
Because we are concerned about each person's capacity to develop and honor agreements with others, the basic dilemma is to decide if this person:
- Is more interested in pursuing his/her own individual goals,
- Or is more interested in pursuing common goals?
To the degree they are bent on option a) or b) we can express the degree in which a person is self-focused, or is focused on others around her/him.
We call them either a) individualistic, or selfish people, or b) community-oriented people.
Both vectors are complementary, that is to say, the % of energy directed towards self (let’s say 80%) leaves only the rest (20%) to be directed to discuss community interests of the others around.
So, is your partner more interested in issues that concern him (his time, interests, money, golf game, self-esteem, sexual gratification, etc) than in listening and solving your needs/interests?
If his conversations go around his own issues (where are my clothes; when will I have my dinner, etc), and rarely they go towards you and your interests (are you going to see the movie that you like this weekend?) then, probably you have a self-centered person accidentally locked inside the most community-oriented institution, that is marriage.
In Other Words, You Married a Narcissist!
Do you want to read the rest of the posting? Of course, you want!
Please, go here: Closing the Passive Aggressive Gap
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