The Silent Marriage Killer:
Are you Married to a
Passive-Aggressive Husband?

Are you feeling lost and isolated in your marriage?

Do you feel a barrier between you, your husband, and the loving, fulfilling relationship of your dreams?

Look out for these bizarre signs in your husband’s behavior:

• He doesn't open up when you ask about his issues. He may shut down completely, giving you the "cold shoulder," offering vague answers, or even lying to you. He makes excuses or blames others when you insist in asking.
• Procrastinating or "forgetting" to fulfill his share of house chores. He simply ignores them.
• He may create a crisis when he feels pressured to support you, then blame you for the same crisis.
• Stopping you from expressing your feelings of love, or ignoring them in public.
• Blocking you from receiving love and support from your family or friends.
• Exhibiting sensitivity and care one minute, then hostility and resentment the next.
• Making negative jokes about you with his friends but then acting as if everything is fine when he's with you.
• Displaying unexpected, unprovoked anger against you that isn’t related to the issue at hand.
• To frustrate you and retain control of the relationship, he may show no interest in sex when you do.

Have you noticed your husband engaging in any of these behaviors?

There is a name for this problem. It's called passive-aggression, and it

has no place in a loving marriage.

WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR?

All along your marriage, you have been in a confusing situation, due to the contradiction between his words and his actions...it's LONELY, demoralizing, and you don't know what else to do to survive!

Why Is Passive Aggression A Problem
in Any Marriage?

Passive-aggressive communication can really take a toll on a marriage. It’s not uncommon for people, especially men, to feel overwhelmed by the effort it takes to sort through their emotions and resolve conflicts together. Sometimes, they choose to avoid conflict altogether with stony silence.

For some men, it feels simpler to retreat into silence and pretend there aren’t any issues. This way, they avoid immediate confrontation and save their emotional energy, even if it’s just a temporary fix.

However, for wives, it is very tough when your partner is bottling up his feelings and ignoring the conflicts that need to be addressed.

This often leads to feelings of frustration and unresolved emotions piling up.

As communication falters, it can create a sense of distance in daily life, making it harder to connect and share experiences.

1. Lack of Clarity: When one partner chooses silence instead of addressing issues directly, the other partner may be left in a state of confusion. This ambiguity can lead to assumptions and misinterpretations about the reasons for the silence or the state of the relationship, eroding trust. It can be seen as a power weapon too.
2. Unresolved Issues: Silence often means that conflicts or concerns remain unaddressed. When issues are not resolved, resentment can build over time. Both partners may begin to doubt each other's commitment to the relationship, leading to a lack of trust.
3. Disengagement: Silence can signal emotional withdrawal. When one partner retreats into silence, the other may perceive this as a lack of interest or investment in the relationship. This disengagement can foster feelings of abandonment, causing the other partner to question the stability and reliability of the relationship. You can feel: "I am truly alone in this marriage" fast!
4. Increased Anxiety: The uncertainty created by silence can lead to increased anxiety for the partner who feels cut off. They may worry about the future of the relationship, including their personal sense of security, leading to insecurity and mistrust. The absence of communication makes it difficult to gauge the other partner's feelings and intentions.
5. Fear of Repercussions: In some cases, silence is a form of avoidance. One partner might fear that expressing their feelings will lead to conflict or negative repercussions. When communication is stifled by fear, trust diminishes, as one partner may feel they cannot be honest without risking the relationship's stability.
6. Escalation of Conflict: Often, silence can lead to a buildup of unresolved emotions, which might eventually break out into larger conflicts. This explosive reaction can damage trust further because it reinforces the idea that problems aren't being managed in a constructive way.
7. Perception of Manipulation: If silence is used as a form of punishment or control, where one partner intentionally withholds communication to influence the other, it can create a power imbalance and lead to feelings of manipulation. This dynamic severely damages trust and mutual respect. From here is born the feeling of unjust isolation and contempt.

WHY IS HE GOING INTO COLD SILENCE?

THE EMOTIONAL ROOTS OF PASSIVE AGGRESSION:

If it is difficult for a normal husband to read and address the indicators of the emotional gap between his wife and himself, what happens when he gives up and retreats into complete withdrawal? He is not developing into a grown up, married person!

Now he doesn't respond to the obvious challenges of everyday married life; doesn't take ownership of the shared upkeep of the marriage; and finally, he develops internal resentment at you and at his present married life.

When choosing to shut up he ends up not knowing how to manage his internal emotional states, and thus how to reach out to you or the children with love and affection. Loneliness and resentment fill the void; extreme frustration can make him use shouting, cursing, or threats of violence when feeling cornered. You have an angry child forced to fulfill the obligations of a grown up, married man, and he knows he is not delivering, and he is not happy.

If you are going to survive married to this man, you do need a guide!

Get Started Now!

HERE IS YOUR PLAN TO RECOVER YOUR LIFE:

You don't have to feel overwhelmed, confused, or hurt one more day! Now you can have the tools you need to function in a difficult relationship. If a person you love reacts to you in a passive aggressive way, there is help. You can learn how to respond to them, how to react in any situation, and how to gain control of your life again!

Learn essential concepts for your resilience:

FIRST: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT:

It’s not you, it’s the way he was raised. Growing up he probably had to learn to hide his anger and act it out by sabotaging his relatives and friends ....and is relating to you in the only way he knows how. Look at his family and observe how they deal with conflicts: do they take time and explore options with the others involved? Or do they sulk forever while pushing everything under the rug, never to be discussed?

SECOND: YOU ARE A PERSON WITH YOUR OWN NEEDS AND GOALS:

Look around now and see how many of your goals you've accomplished thus far....it can be pretty discouraging to observe that your present life does not resemble what you planned it to be....and instead you are engaged in a daily battle for control.

If you have built up plans and goals involving him but notice little of that plan is accomplished, look back at your younger self, and ask: "Who is the person I wanted to be before?" and: "How can I claim some of these goals for me now?" Keep those goals within reach and revisit them often to remind yourself of your ideal self. What are you in this world to accomplish?

THIRD: IF THIS IS A REAL MARRIAGE, IT HAS TO BE A SHARED PROJECT WHERE BOTH SIDES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS CARE AND DEVELOPMENT:

You will not be able to keep respecting him if you are the only one responsible for the choices that keep the relationship alive and growing. You need to see him engaged, alive, an active participant in this shared endeavor that is your marriage.

WE PROPOSE A TWO-WAY HEALING PROGRAM FOR YOU:

I - Develop a strong system of self-protection against this toxic behavior

II. Learn new strategies to manage it without going crazy day by day.

"I so don't want a divorce...but in a very real way...my husband has not honored his vows to love me (if he doesn't love himself correctly how can he love me?). His PA is a form of constant abuse as real and cruel as a punch to the face. Honoring our vows is more than just "not getting a divorce." He needed to be loving and supportive, and instead I got this barren life where he even does not talk to me for days.

Now I got to understand that women married to PA husbands need to be "strong, warrior women" who can do the hard thing (teaching them) in a loving way and let them know we won't tolerate this twisted logic any longer and we are in our right to call them out to be better men. It's his call to answer, but now I will not bet my future peace to my married life!"

Reclaim Your Marriage Without Resorting to Divorce

How many times have your friends said, "Just leave the guy?" This looks like an easy solution, right? Well, not if you still are in love with him. While your friends might have your best interest in mind when they offer advice, they aren't in your position, and they can't provide guidance objectively. As you recognize and respect your true feelings for this person. You know you have seen him at his best, and you know he can be that person again.

Making a break from a passive aggressive person is one solution. But, if you are committed to your relationship, you need to have other options! You must take control of your relationship today. You must learn how to deal with passive aggressive people so they can't torment you anymore. You don't have to be a victim of your love life one more day!

In your heart you know you should learn the skills you need to use in order to be secure and confident in ALL your relationships. You should discover how to be assertive without being aggressive. You should identify ways to defend yourself against all difficult people. This process of retraining yourself and breaking old habits might take time, but the results will show through in your recovered relationships and your improved self-esteem.

To survive being married to a PA Husband, you need to:

1. Preserve your self-confidence and improve your self-esteem.
2. Focus specifically on solving your needs and desires.
3. Express yourself in an assertive way, without losing credibility or respect.
4. Negotiate difficult issues with confidence and ease.
5. Maintain and respect your own perspectives, without being confused by his "logic."
6. Validate your anger and frustrations without letting these feelings control you.
7. Avoid being the "savior" of destructive personalities/behaviors.
8. Strengthen your support system.

The complete guide on How to Deal With
a Passive Aggressive Husband

By mastering these skills, you will never again be a victim to passive aggressive behavior. You can finally free yourself of the emotional roller-coaster ride you've been on; you can learn to trust yourself again as a person with emotional strength, and you can feel, once and for all, truly happy with the person you are.

But, only read this book if you are ready for a change. Are you prepared to release your own pent-up feelings of helplessness against life and marriage? Are you ready to stop waiting for him to change; and to take control of your relationship and move it into a whole new direction? If so, this book is for you, because there WILL BE change. Your relationship will be different. You will feel secure in your reactions towards him.

He can continue to be as passive aggressive as he wants, but you will not feel that he can damage or control your life, and because of your reaction his need to use this behavior against you is gone!

Do you understand this point clearly? You are destroying his main motivation to use this behavior against you! Now you will look forward to a better future with the person you love. Are you ready for this kind of change?

• Do you crave open, honest communication with your partner, but he gives you the cold shoulder often?
• Do you think you could have a good amount of respect for him if only you understood your husband's motivations better? Or if he was willing and able to be consistent with his promises?
• Do you want to be able to trust him to follow up on his promises to you?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions it is time to learn how to control your future and discover the secrets to reclaiming your full love life. If you feel trapped in an unhappy relationship, or if you are tired of useless confrontations with your loved one, it is time to make a change, by using the techniques we are offering you in this book.

"The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband" is awesome! I learned some really cool things about human nature and passive aggressive relationships. I was able to see myself in some of the examples and learn what I was doing to invite his control over me. This e-book discusses hidden insecurities we all have and taught me ways to deal with my own issues, and how to interact with my husband in conflict situations!"
Karen Amos, Washington DC.

Now What do I do?

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Questions? Please do not hesitate to contact me:

Nora Femenia, Ph. D.

nora (at) creativeconflictresolutions.com