Passive Aggressive Husband

man refusing to answer

A most frustrating aspect of living with a passive aggressive man is that he has perfected the art of not following through on his agreements and promises.

He takes on big projects but never finishes them, then tends to feel put upon or hostile if someone else tries to finish it. Often ignoring the constant reality of his irresponsibility and withdrawal, as perceived by you, his frustrated wife.

Does he see your frustration? Of course, not.
Then he ignores the evidence you present, while he distorts and lies to make his version of reality seem logical.

Now, the question is...why is he doing all this theater?

What is the purpose of this warped communication style, destined to frustrate you, the person near to him?

We all have human needs; basically here we look at both spouse's needs for love and connection...At the least, we all need to engage in some kind of relationship with others. The man with passive aggressive behavior is trying to satisfy his need for love and connection...but in his case he needs someone to be there, with him, as the object of his hidden hostility.

As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship was while growing up, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned before, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. He needs to pick up a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger, so he can play out the dynamics of his childhood...

He needs a good, intelligent adversary to provide him with expectations and demands he will then resist and warp, as he plays the interpersonal routine he learned with his first family.

He then needs to frustrate you a little bit every day, building up in you a pattern of frustration so high that eventually you get to express the anger that he has been repressing all his life.

How is he doing all this behavior?

It's useful to know that inconsistency and ambiguity in language are his tools of choice.
He often gives double messages and expects his partner to read his mind and meet his needs saying "She should have known how it is." So, she needs to learn how and why he is using the silent treatment on her!
Do you want to read more? Here is the last part of my article:
Passive Aggressive Husband Needing His Anger Target - Is That You?
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