Divorcing a Passive Aggressive Husband is a very exhausting path!
The decision to divorce anyone is a very difficult one, but it can be especially hard if you are married to a passive aggressive person.
Because one day he is acting nice to you, and seems as loving and nurturing as the day you married, and then the next day, he is making your life hell, It can make you question your decisions about divorcing your husband.
Are you interested?
We have a great article on this issue, (Yes: the "Five Questions..." with Their Answers, too!)
Do you want to read it?
5 Questions to Ponder Before Divorcing A Passive Aggressive Husband
And of course, you can leave your comments, critiques and questions here!
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Hi Jen, Please don’t feel alone. I hear you and I am living it too! No kids, just a grand-daughter that is going to be really saden by us divorcing. I also live sexless
marriage…no talking and financially dependent. Have you found a place on the web where women are connecting about these issues.
My PA husband of 15 years asked me for a divorce last week. He said he wanted to be roommates until our daughter turns 18 which is next year, and until I can find a better job. After a massive yelling fit and him punching the couch, he told me to move out, I refused. So three times this past week he’s been spending the night somewhere else, don’t know where. He can have his divorce, I didn’t sign up for this b.s. sexless marriage, I want out too. I only work part time, was a stay at home mom for 10 years, and am financially dependent on him, for now anyway…I see that has to change. He’s leaving me hanging by ignoring my texts and also my daughter’s. I’m going on with my life without considering him, only looking after myself and my daughter, but it’s stressful not knowing exactly what’s going on and my daughter is worried about him…she’s very upset. He did text my daughter and told her to text him when she got home. That was four hours ago, he hasn’t responded. Any advice for me?
Yes, I do!
First, marriage is an interaction; without blaming yourself, ask the question: what behaviors of mine are connected or happen before his anger? If you can identify what makes him angry, then you can talk with him: “when I do X, you get upset…why is this? does my doing X rattles you in a deep way? what were you expecting? what do you see yourself getting? because this anger is so unexpected; wasn’t there when we fell en love with each other, and is not related in intensity or reason to what I do, do you care to examine where it is coming from?
(Having a clinical attitude towards his anger will help you not to blame him, and keep your cool; will help him see that you are above his explosions and trying to find a reason for them What about there could be a reason on some malfunctioning of his brain? I’d talk even of going to the doctor’s because: “this is so different from who you are, the loving man I married, that there must be something wrong going on somewhere…”)
Keep saying to him: I miss the lovely, wonderful man I married; I’m waiting and wishing that man to be here in my life….and whatever is going on inside you, is something I can’t control by changing my behavior. However, I can do this: If we agree that my doing X upsets you, I can try not to do it, while you find out the root of this deep feeling that was there way before our getting married….
Another suggestion: when both of you are having a non-confrontational time, perhaps at dinner time, you can propose: “when we are here, peacefully having dinner together, I feel really good. I wish and really need we could have more times like this. Would you like to talk with me as to how we can treat each other better?”
What I’m doing here is teaching you to mirror to him the man you fell in love with. There is something disturbing him we don’t know about, (the responsibilities of being married?, or growing up? who knows) and he needs a bit of humane help to realize you are not his enemy. Keeping calm, talking about the good times, and appreciating him when he is at his best could confirm his new situation (being married) as good, and positive, and something he wants.
Can you put the best pictures of this wonderful man all around the house? Blow them up, and put them visible…
You can try to be this positive, ignore his temper tantrums (as if NOT directed to you, but as a sign of an immature aspect of him), for three months…After that, if he is not able to see the wonderful, supportive and loving person you are, you can divorce him, without regrets.
Do we have a plan here? Do you have the stamina and strength of character to follow through? With my best regards
I really don’t know what to do. I married a man who appeared to be sweet and wonderful while we were dating, but who turned into a different person after we were married. I could just kick myself. I feel so stupid for allowing myself to be manipulated and not realize it. I am considering divorce, but just don’t know if I have the strength to deal with his anger and vengfulness. I keep asking myself why I stay, and I tell myself I need to get away from it, but I cannot seem to take the leap. Do yo have any suggestions?