Have you heard the phrase “fake it till you make it”? There can be some powerful truth in there...
Some of the latest scientific findings on the brain tells us that. brain’s power of imagination to “rehearse” optimal performance defines goal, and shapes our future.
It has been known for years that you can train your body for a competition and achieve optimal performance using visualization.
Can this technique be applied to your personal relational life? Possibly YES; but to your relationship, which involves another person? If we remember that no one can change another person, then it will not do any good. But you can change how others treat you by changing your own behavior, right?
Then you can use mental power to implant a new, healthier habit in your life, stop another one that now is obsolete, and replace old passive aggressive behaviors with new ones!
It is not enough to imagine how good your life will be, when changed...you need to load your mental imagery with the step-by-step description of the new behavior. Let’s say that you want to stop withdrawing in silence when something in your spouse’s behavior upsets you. Usually your attitude is to turn your back around and sulk in silence for hours, or days.
Why would you like to change this behavior into another?
Well, if you are really in the brink of divorce, or having a heavy load of unhappiness in your marriage, what is there to fear? Having the skills of confronting his/her and getting to a solution for the dispute will only bring peace and satisfaction to both!
If this sounds as something doable to you, here are a few suggestions to get started.
- Set aside at least 5 minutes once each day to visualize, in a relaxed state, your desired behavior in detail, as if it already exists.
- When limiting thoughts and negative emotions surface at any time, breathe into them and let them go — and smile confidently.
- As you “watch,” envision the vibrant colors, hear the sounds, feel the emotions and sensations in your body, even smell and taste.
- This is your “mind movie” and you get to live it in these moments as if you are there, completely and fully present in body and mind and emotion.
- You see yourself looking at your spouse, asking for some time to talk, asking questions, proposing a solution, getting the problem solved, and feeling the overall relief.
- The key is to make sure this elicits pleasurable feelings of joy, happiness—gratitude—inside you as you do. Smile. Feel grateful for being in this marriage and able to talk calmly with this person.
Think of this time as a fun and delightful retreat, a transformational exercise you look forward to jumping into to rehearse the life and relationships that you are consciously taking action to create in your life – speedily coming your way.
When you feel pleasure “rehearsing” your future in the present moment, what you are doing is telling your subconscious mind—the part of the mind that runs the entire body—that this is the reality you desire. And life begins to follow this lead, because here is the pleasure of life!
Just believe it, feel it, and be open to prompts for what actions to take toward the goal of changing your former passive aggressive behaviors, small or big. A few moments each day will add power to your dream.