If you are traversing the impossible path of watching your passive-aggressive husband prevent a healthier communication way, using only his old tricks to not communicate with you and keeping you at a distance, then you are familiar with the obstacles presented when you ask for a change:
A) getting a man to admit his passive aggression as a problem;
B) get him to stick to his promises to working on his behavior and change.
It is usual for women to experience the pain of thinking he will change, then having to sit and despair as he doesn’t budge after showing the counselor a pretty smile and promising change.
Many women feel frustrated because the failed promise reduces their own role in the marriage to one of behavior micromanagement - the wife constantly has to remind the husband of their agreements, of his goals, of his promises, and of course, of the pain involved.
If the “modification” of his behavior is only based on his empty promise, then you have no trust left. In this case, what is your backup plan? How can you feel trust while helping him deliver in his promises, with the background of feeling past betrayals still disappointing you?
If this is your situation, we do not encourage endless efforts or exhausting ourselves reminding him that now is the time for him to change.
In creative writing, there is a saying: show, don’t tell. The same applies here. If you cannot trust your husband to change, stop your efforts, and relieve yourself of the burden of that responsibility. It is true that the more you push for change, the more he will resist attaching himself to his old habits, in order to frustrate your “dominance” or “mandating him what he has to do.”
Although every situation is different, sometimes is necessary to let him cope with the extent of the damage done. If you decide that now is the time to have a break and let him face the consequences of his resistance to try better ways of communication in your marriage, do it.
If he is continually breaking his promises both to you and to his counselor, it means he isn't taking that promise seriously or saying it in good faith. Doing resistance to change is what is more fun, or interesting, or provides him with more satisfaction than connecting with you.
The truth is that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship, and he is having a ball out of fooling you, and his words can not be used to convince you of anything. Don’t listen to what he’s telling you, pay attention to what he’s showing or doing to you: and you can see his PERMANENT STONEWALLING.
Don’t use empty threats: threatening to leave will only escalate the situation - instead, explain calmly that you need more from this relationship and that you deserve better than being taken advantage of. If he can’t deliver to your honest appeal, perhaps he needs time to contemplate what a single life can mean for him. Leave graciously, go have a vacation with your best friend, and use this time to rebuild yourself. You can have your copy of the book: The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband
