Are You Asking from the New Year a Healthy Relationship?
All the New Year Resolutions we hash out semi convinced at the big end of the year party have a common root...all stem from and connect with that ideal self that we all carry inside. Our "ideal person."
So here is the universal wish: "I want the new year to be the time when I get to live as the person I want to be, enjoying a healthy relationship. Nothing more, nothing less..."
What does it mean? and we don't refer here to a lonely mirror image of our ideal self, in any way. This New Self is a social image; has to be confirmed and valued and appreciated by the people around us...our loved ones have to see us in this best light: as the complete person we always want to be, not a lesser image never complete or satisfactory.
Perhaps this is the daily fight. Perhaps this is the aspiration that brings us into relationships: we need others to mirror a good and valued image of us. Perhaps this other person will be loving enough, compassionate enough as to see me, the real, good me hidden under superficial trappings, and always ready to do better.
What if we could conceive relationships as the arena where we invite each other to develop into this excellent version of him/herself? What if we described marriage as a "society for mutual admiration" where both sides could get recognition and confirmation of their reciprocal best aspects? For me, this is the exact definition of a "healthy relationship!" That really would help us a lot to grow into that admired, and always elusive project, of "the best person I can be."
Now, this wish is functional to the relationship; is clearly the core of it...helping each other develop their best aspects and grow. So personal development gets linked with the kind of attachment we have in our lives: positive, the nurturing attachment will develop our best selves; insecure or hostile attachment will freeze us into the permanent frustration of our personal growth...
Getting to this point, I wish to remember you that personal development is our true job in life; that attachments help or hinder us in this permanent growing up project, and that, if we consider our reciprocal ties as the dirt where from our growth comes through, then relationships are the ground where we root to develop better into the person we want (and need) to be.
Now, we wish our readers good, nurturing attachments were to feel secure and appreciated; to be able to face difficult relationships as another way of growing up by becoming stronger through pain; in solving our marital conflicts; in short, that each of you knows who is this man or woman they want to be, and never get lost getting there!
MIGHT YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION, TO FIND A PARTNER THAT SUPPORTS YOUR BEST SELF, BECOME A REALITY!
