What are your dreams of a healthy, happy relationship?

alfaprima — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 03:43:21 +0000

Reflecting on the conversations going on at AskNora, we can see the common pattern of suffering described by the writers. Each one has a story where her own hopes of a happy life were thwarted by passive aggressive behavior. They were left in what looked like a marriage, but was a well of frustration and loneliness instead.

Indeed, each house is a different world. In each couple there are behaviors done, and behaviors missing. And a lot of time waiting for happiness to come back, to be just in the center of this relationship….We know a lot of what makes you unhappy;
we know less of what is missing; what would you make happier.

If we look at the experience of “walking on eggshells,” we see that it is too common in the shared stories. If you had not to walk on eggshells, what would you like to experience instead of that behavior? What is the opposite experience that makes you feel secure and accepted?

If you identify with being in the receiving end of “Getting the cold shoulder?” what would you like instead, that offers you the opposite experience? how do you dream the feeling of having a partner that shares ideas and thinking and planning with you, and how does it make you feel?

We invite you here to share your thoughts. Please, look at the litany of passive aggressive behaviors our readers suffer and are describing in their postings at AskNora, check the ones that you recognize as part of your life….and feel free to describe what your soul wants instead. Nobody but you knows what is what would you feel right, loved and supported, so use your own words to describe what you want to have in your life now.

You can begin your comment by saying:

“Instead of this behavior (fill the blank here) what I really need/want/appreciate is this other behavior!” (describe your heart’s desire here)

Thanks for sharing!

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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Passive Aggressive Wife: Do You Know Her?

alfaprima — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:29:49 +0000

From all the correspondence, postings and requests we receive, the overwhelming majority are desperate wives complaining about their husbands. We have initiated this blog, which reaches sometimes 500 hits a day, to help those wives find ways of preserving their marriages and diminish or control the relationship pain so as to get to a place of peace and understanding. And, in the extreme cases where the wife wants to leave the relationship, we also provide support for this process.

Guess what? Here and there, we receive a letter from a husband, asking: what about my situation? Do you have any advice for the victim of a passive aggressive wife? Or my loneliness and suffering have to be ignored?

So, here is your initial response. More will come, of course, but this is the first take on this issue…how can you recognize a PA wife?

The main challenge to think about this question comes from traditional female education about being passive and obedient. Girls are still socialized in this way in many parts of the world; and being subservient and self-denying is accepted and encouraged. How can you be any more obedient? Or…how do you show your anger by being obedient, if being obedient is showing off how a “good wife” you are?

Well, you can be too obedient….you can kill any initiative from your side which risks making your husband feel not valued or appreciated. He will not have anything to complain about, or at the same time, anything to rejoice about!

One of the favorite arenas is the sexual arena. If the wife always waits for him to take the iniciative, is she being complacent or saying that she is not really interested? This question will appear in the mind of the husband, and after some time, he will begin to feel under appreciated.

Again, how do you denounce this? How do you complain about “perfect wife behavior,” taken to the extremes?

The few husbands already telling are describing a passivity that leaves all initiatives on their shoulders, a blank acceptance that smothers all enthusiasm and the impossibility to comment on relational issues with her without having a tantrum.

Perhaps we should think about the modalities of passive aggression used by a wife to express her anger without words. Perhaps you have other examples to share?

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Passive Aggressive Husband » passive aggressive wife

What are your dreams of a healthy, happy relationship?

Passive Aggressive Wife: Do You Know Her?