Miscommunication in marriage is a common problem. Men and women, depending on the ways they were raised or how their parents communicated, can both talk in ways that don’t always fit the bill for making communication easy and comfortable for both. Often, men are accused of not being “open” enough, and sometimes, they are also labeled as “passive aggressive” by their frustrated wives.
Whether or not men think they are talking enough and supporting their wives emotionally, there is still the fact that some women feel the communication in the marriage is not sufficient. It is as if a whole generation of boomers (and perhaps even younger people) never understood how to fulfill each other’s communication needs; now, they get into couple conflicts about this gap.
If women remain feeling isolated and not listened to enough, marital grief is present – plain and simple. Can this situation be improved? Conflict Coach, through years of research, family mediation and finding innovative solutions that work, believe that this situation can be turned on its head. First, the label of “passive aggression” must be dealt with; the one that is now so easily to attach to men’s behavior. How true can is it that being reserved, non-communicative and harboring hidden anger is part of a person’s natural, born-with-it personality? Conversely, how much of that “personality” is a conflict-causing trait that he may have picked up or learned without realizing it?
Conflict Coach is exploring this question deeper by studying childhood experiences. Their research has led to interesting conclusions in the realm of passive aggressive psychology. In discovering what is a personality trait and and what is defensive behavior in a relationship, Conflict Coach proposes that passive aggression may be largely dependent on the attachment model learned within the child’s relationship to their guardian.
For example, when a man was a child, was he restricted from expressing his anger toward his parents? If he had a need, and was feeling it keenly, what happened when he expressed it? If he was guilt-tripped for being too “needy,” shamed for being a baby or a whiner, he probably taught himself to just shut up when he needed something from other people. In order not to feel pity for himself, he would have then taught himself that repressing emotions and sucking things up was an admirable trait – a feat of skill, something only a manly man could achieve.
A future passive aggressive man, in order to learn how to control himself and not open up, would have shown his frustration in ambiguous ways, like falling behind in school, even if he was very smart.
Conflict Coach is using their findings to help the passive aggressive man heal the behaviors that are causing miscommunication and pain in his marriage. They help a man identify the lessons of his childhood, and appraise the real situation at his home, where these old defensive mechanisms may still be at work. For example, he may be going silent for days or weeks, reflecting the lessons he taught himself in childhood. The truth remains that this behavior is destroying any intimacy he was able to build within his marriage. His wife feels condemned to loneliness by his withdrawal and silent days, and the man himself is trapped in a lonely jail of his own making.
If a husband wants to know how to solve this frustrating challenge, Conflict Coach invites him to identify here and now what inner forces are sabotaging his marriage.
It is now possible to take a free, short online test on Conflict Coach’s new website, Passive Aggressive Test. The test is an intelligent strategy for getting to know a husband’s personalized answers and communication style; whether the results are normal, passive aggressive, or mixed, he can know exactly where he is on the spectrum, and this crucial definition can then be explained to the frustrated partner.
For men interested in assessing themselves and learning how to heal miscommunication and conflict in their marriage, the next step is simple: take the Passive Aggressive Test at
http://passiveaggressivetest.com/passive-aggressive-test/
If a husband is found to have no passive aggressive behaviors, he will know that there is something besides just his personal behavior going on to create a wound between him and his wife. Alternately, in the event that some of his behaviors are passive aggressive, he will receive immediate options for change from Conflict Coach’s growing collection of resources, such as life-changing products, coaching and community support.
Neil Warner
Conflict Coach offers a complimentary phone consultation , with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!
