Is he always fighting against your ideas?

September 3, 2010 By

When I feel that he is “Always Fighting against My Ideas,” the dream I’m yearning for is… team work.

There were some responses (58%) telling about this dream situation:

1. “My dream is to feel that I am half of a whole: he supports me, I support him, and together we make one whole couple work. I want someone who challenges and encourages me in equal measure, making me a better person. He doesn’t have to indulge my every idea – just support the truly good ones and gently disagree with the not-so-great ones. I want a teammate, someone who will work with me. My greatest regret is that my husband has not been as invested in our children as I wished, nor supported me in my efforts towards them, but always coming with a contrary idea that leaves me alone and confused.”

2. “I have learned that the more I push for something, the more he pulls away from it. So, I have left ideas of moving in together, even after a year of dating, in the back of my mind. Outwardly, I show him that the idea completely disinterests me now. If he would be open to ideas and be willing to talk about things even when they scare him, I wouldn’t have to hide my dreams in the shadows.”

3. “What I need is for my husband to let me know that he thinks my ideas and opinions are valid and well founded. Otherwise, he’s not treating me as his partner or his ally; he’s treating me as an enemy, as someone to be dismissed. He’s telling me that I don’t have the right to make decisions or have input.”

In what other ways would you know that he is there to work with you?

• “He makes me feel that we are on the same team. We both want resolution and compromise, so we both give ideas while being open to new ones.”
• “Even if he does not agree with my every idea, he appreciates the creativity and resourcefulness that go into them, and encourages me to stay motivated.”
• “He doesn’t rush – he listens carefully and tries hard to see things from my point of view.”
• “Since we listen well to each other, we realized that we share a lot of common ideas.”
• “When I have a good idea, he is quick to acknowledge it and work with me to make it happen. When he disagrees, he gives me an honest opinion; not a derogatory one.”

I simply need to feel supported by him.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to feel supported by him, the person nearer you…how are you going to find the direct and clear support you need to face everyday’s life challenges? How far do you think you can go without his explicit words of recognition and support, being him the most important person in your life? And how are you going to repair the damage caused by his lack of recognition of your best ideas that forces you to feel incompetent and worthless? Where is the motivation to keep developing yourself coming from?

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today. Begin now reading your copy of “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband” and recover your own happiness!

Filed Under: impact of passive aggression, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive definition, Passive Aggressive Husband, passive aggressive marriage, passive aggressive personality Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do you have his support when you cry?

September 1, 2010 By

When I feel that he is “Punishing Me for Crying,” the dream I’m yearning for is… comfort.

Most of the responses (68%) expressed dreams around the following insights:

1. “I wish that he honestly cared and was concerned when he saw that I was crying. I wish he could see that I’m hurting, pure and simple. What I need at those times is not to be dismissed or told I’m playing the victim, like usual – I need comfort and understanding, things that come only with real, honest communication.”
2. “It would be wonderful if I could be emotional when I need to and he would just hug me close, stroke my hair, and let me cry it out. I don’t want to feel that I have to hide from him or he’ll laugh at me for crying. That’s just not healthy; everybody cries. I’d rather have compassion and a desire to make me feel better.”
3. “I want to be able to feel whatever it is I’m feeling, whatever it is that’s troubling me, without being made to feel that my feelings are unfounded and that I’m being unreasonable. My husband is a Marine and can’t grasp the concept of ‘crying.’ That’s a very lonely situation.”

In what other ways would you know that he is there to comfort you?

• “He lets me know that my emotions are valid and that it’s OK for me to feel the way I do.”
• “Sometimes I just don’t want to talk about why I’m sad – the important thing is that he always asks why.”
• “If he makes me cry, he is sure to stop himself and comfort me. He always regrets his conduct and tries to work things out in a different way.”
• “He knows that sexual passion is not enough – sometimes I need some simple compassion.”

I simply need to feel safe when I’m down!

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to feel safe to express pain and sadness, and to be comforted by him …how are you going to find the safe space where to be able to express your emotions ? How are you going to ask for empathy and respect for your feelings, whatever they can be? And how are you going to feel supported and comforted when life delivers one of these blows that makes you (and everybody else) need a good cry to feel better?

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today. Begin now reading your copy of “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband” and recover your own happiness!

Filed Under: impact of passive aggression, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive definition, Passive Aggressive Husband, passive aggressive marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Are You Receiving Cold Shoulder Treatment?

August 24, 2010 By

When I feel he is “Giving Me the Cold Shoulder,” the dream I’m yearning for is… warmth.

Some 78% of the responses expressed:

1. “Although no one should ever be given the cold shoulder, and I don’t agree with him giving it to me, I still want to know why he thinks I deserve it. Better yet, if I do something wrong and hurt him, I want him to simply come to me and say, ‘You hurt me.’ I would do everything in my power to right my wrong, if only I knew what it was.”

2. “I want there to be warmth in our relationship instead of this coldness that he’s created by turning me away. It would make me so happy to be able to say to each other, ‘Honey, I am upset because of this or that, but I still love you.’”

3. “I am allowed to express my feelings as long as they are in agreement with his. If they are not, I am isolated for them and given the cold shoulder. I want to feel that I am worth something to him, that I will never be ignored. I want to feel that I am part of a special institution – marriage – and not an orphan looking longingly through the window.”

In what other ways would you know that he would never turn his back on you?

• “I feel like I made a good choice when I married him. I can count on him for anything.”

• “He tries hard to keep a good mood and move on with the day, even if we run into a snag.”

• “I know that I am the last person on earth he would turn his back to.”

• “We have everything we need to be happy and comfortable. He would never jeopardize that by weakening our connection.”

• “When he’s upset, he never jumps to conclusions and blames me. We sit down together and talks things out until we find the real reasons.”

• “He makes me feel wanted and loved in a personal, intimate way.”

• “It would break his heart to know he had made me cry.”

I simply need his open heart, loving me.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be loved, included and helped by healthy confrontation when is needed…how are you going to find the warm support you need to face everyday’s life challenges? How are you going to challenge his isolating himself and giving you the cold shoulder, and educate him into proper and respectful communication that solves problems and expresses love and commitment at the same time?

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Filed Under: passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive definition, Passive Aggressive Husband, passive aggressive marriage, passive aggressive personality Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Are you Isolated From your Own Family?

August 19, 2010 By

When I feel that he is “Isolating Me from My Family,” the dream I’m yearning for is… integration.

Responses expressed dreams consistent with these:

1. “I want my family to be a part of our life together. They aren’t, and I know it’s because he doesn’t want them to know that he behaves like a child the majority of the time. However, he won’t admit that this is the reason, or address the problem. In fact, he doesn’t give me any reason at all. My family just isn’t allowed to be included.”

2. “I would like to feel free to have my parents and brothers, nephew and niece over to my house at any time. I can’t do that, because he doesn’t want to spend time with them, and he doesn’t see that they’re important or that time with them is important. It isn’t enough for him that they’re special to me.”

3. “My dream is that he would see that our whole family, whether it’s his, mine, or ours, all are connected, and that their relationship should be fostered. If the relationship with his family is bad, I want him to work on it, not ignore them and think that I have to do the same with my family.”

In what other ways would you know that he accepts and supports your family?

• “We surround ourselves with family whom we love and who loves us back.”

• “He is always cordial to my family and helps my relationship with them blossom.”

• “He never manipulates me or makes me look bad in front of my family.”

• “He genuinely loves my family, and opens his heart to every member.”

I simply need to have a happy family around.

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today! Begin now reading your copy of “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband” and recover your own happiness!

Filed Under: impact of passive aggression, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive definition, Passive Aggressive Husband, passive aggressive marriage, passive aggressive personality Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Humiliated in public? this is what you need now!

August 2, 2010 By

When I feel that “I’m Humiliated in Public,” the dream I’m yearning for is… respect and equality.

Some 84 % of the responses expressed dreams consistent with:

1. “I would like to feel that he is there to prevent injustice, not perpetuate it. It is a double standard, because he would never stand for any form of humiliation from me, and I would pay dearly for such a vicious act.”

2. “A long time ago, I criticized him in public, and he responded viciously in front of my friends. I could never forget that, but now he has a need to appear perfect and wants people to believe we have a perfect relationship, void of any disputes or problems. Most of the time, he has convinced even himself that this is indeed reality. So he treats me better than before…I dream that this behavior is for ever.”

3. “Just as he does not want his previous mistakes, foibles or insecurities tossed about for any one and every one to know, I would also prefer that mine are not available for public ridicule.”

In what other ways would you know that he is respecting you in public?

  • “He is sensitive to my feelings and others’ (the observers) feelings as well.”
  • “He delights in me and my personality, and does not ridicule me, even in my weakest moments.”
  • “I can walk away from something embarassing and he lets me keep my pride.”
  • “He praises me in public and acts as if he is honored to be with me.”
  • “We use the golden rule and treat each other the way we want to be treated.”
  • “His attitude shows that I’m protected and honored.
  • “He shows that I’m sincerely loved and respected; so I’m happy and relaxed in public.”
  • “I receive fairness and equality from the most important person in my life: him”

Now that we know what the dream is composed of, how could you get it?  By having a clear picture of what is the dream situation, you are doing a giant step ahead. Now that you know that respect and equality is what you wish for, how can you plan to obtain more of it?

 

 

Neil Warner

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Filed Under: impact of passive aggression, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive definition, Passive Aggressive Husband, passive aggressive marriage, passive aggressive personality Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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