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	<title>Passive Aggressive Husband &#187; detachment</title>
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	<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com</link>
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		<title>The Passive Aggressive Dance</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-dance/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-dance/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:20:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy happy relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[human needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hurt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[silence]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=1129</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[WE ARE STUCK IN THIS DANCE: HERS HIS I feel let down, isolated, and lonely. If I  confront you to get you to see what is hurting me and come back to me.. It Just Drives You Away, You became defensive and justify yourself. &#160; If I despair, you retreat even more Then I get [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-dance/">The Passive Aggressive Dance</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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</ol>

Related posts brought to you by <a href='http://yarpp.org'>Yet Another Related Posts Plugin</a>.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>
<p><strong><strong><strong>WE ARE STUCK IN THIS DANCE:</strong></strong></strong></p>
<div dir="ltr">
<div>
<table border="1">
<colgroup>
<col width="315" />
<col width="309" /> </colgroup>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>
<p align="center">HERS</p>
</td>
<td>
<p align="center">HIS</p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>
<p align="center"><strong>I feel let down, isolated, and lonely.</strong></p>
<p align="center">If I  confront you to get you to see what<br />
is hurting me<br />
and come back to me..</p>
<p align="center"><strong>It Just Drives You Away,<br />
You became defensive and justify yourself.</strong></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center">If I despair, you retreat even more<br />
Then I get more upset,<br />
desperate, and lonely&#8230;</p>
<p align="center"><strong>And I Lose My Faith in You</strong><br />
<strong>And In Our Marriage.</strong></p>
</td>
<td>
<p align="center">Looking at you being down gets me<br />
scared but you don’t keep silent,<br />
you tell me and your tale of hurt scares<br />
me even more&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Did I Do That To You?</strong><br />
Really?</p>
<p align="center">Is better to see you angry with me<br />
than hurt I want to escape anyhow, or<br />
to show you how wrong you are,<br />
why don’t you see how I care?</p>
<p align="center">If I explain my reasons, it drives you mad&#8230;<br />
What can I offer you, but my logical reasons?</p>
<p align="center"><strong>I’m Terrified By<br />
The Fear of Losing You!</strong></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What are we doing? We are repeating a performance where we hide our sore spots from each other:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You hurting and lonely, and me feeling like a kind of idiot&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">I need, says her, to be able to ask for company and don’t feel rejected or ridiculed.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">I need, says him, to be able to use my usual responses in a way that you don’t label them as negative, so I feel accepted and can replace them with better others.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">He could say: &#8220;I know I have neglected you, worried about work issues. When I hear that you are sad and angry, I don’t know what to do and escape&#8230; and I have to deny my needs of being near you. If you give me a chance and stop evaluating my behavior, I can get together and appreciate your needs better.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">She could say: &#8220;I now know that when I panic and imagine that I’m left alone, is because it hurts so much remembering that my family left me alone too many times&#8230; If I give you a chance, and don’t compare you with them, probably then you can get near me without conflict? Because I really need your attention!&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What are they doing? The exchanges you see above demonstrate what we call the basic passive aggressive dance. Each person “dances” around in a passive aggressive way because neither really knows how to get what they want from the other. (Of course, without asking for it: this is the passive aggressive piece of the behavior)</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What is needed is a different kind of conversation, where we can invite the parties to acknowledge their basic needs&#8230;. She has to say how lonely she is, he has to say how terrified he is of losing her, and how impotent both are of  fulfilling simple needs, because they are so wrapped up in their own perception that they can’t see the other’s perspective.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The dance finishes when both sides can acknowledge the other side’s basic human needs&#8230;. and accept that the marriage deal is exactly that: I will take care of identifying and solving your needs&#8230; and you will do the same for me.</p>
</div>
<div class="noraauthor"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" /><span>Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to <a class="smarterwiki-linkify" href="http://www.creativeconflicts.com">http://www.creativeconflicts.com</a>.</span></div>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>How to recover your life after a passive aggressive marriage?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/rescuing-life-long-pa-marriage/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/rescuing-life-long-pa-marriage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:12:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[advice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[strategies]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When readers of this blog accept our standing invitation to have a free coaching session, they bring their own stories. Some of them are easier to hear and offer support to; others are heart wrenching. Which stories are the saddest? The ones that present a woman past her fifties, who has spent most of her [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/rescuing-life-long-pa-marriage/">How to recover your life after a passive aggressive marriage?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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</ol>

Related posts brought to you by <a href='http://yarpp.org'>Yet Another Related Posts Plugin</a>.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div style="text-align: justify;">When readers of this blog accept our standing invitation to have a free coaching session, they bring their own stories. Some of them are easier to hear and offer support to; others are heart wrenching.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">Which stories are the saddest? The ones that present a woman past her fifties, who has spent most of her married life waiting for the husband to finally change and connect with her in a significant way. Only now are these women discovering certain basic ideas offered here:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Passive aggression is learned in childhood;</li>
<li>Is a defensive style focusing on how to keep other people away;</li>
<li>There is little they can do to change the man they are living with, he must change himself.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">After learning these concepts, the perspective of getting old in an empty marriage sets in. It is a moment of truth, where they see their past as gone, their present as painful, and the prospect of their future as filled with the same loneliness.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What can we offer in that situation? What is there to be done? Detach and take care of yourself. This time, the lesson is even more urgent.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Because they have serious deficits, because living your whole life in emotional misery leaves you empty and sad, and angry, the first task is to detach completely of the relationship. Begin to see yourself as worthy of attention, come up with a list of your own unattended needs and do for yourself what you have been waiting him to do all these years. Only then will you be strong enough to work on saving the marriage (if that’s what you still really want).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Fortunately, once you look at your emotional needs, you can see that there are multiple ways of fulfilling the voids. We can begin to offer some ideas, which you can pick from to begin.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Strategies for Self-Care and Recovery:</strong></p>
<p>Make a plan to recover your self-esteem:<br />
Appreciate your resilience up until this time, celebrate yourself and your strength.<br />
Visit and/or work with people and places where you feel appreciated and well received.<br />
Respect your life routine and add extra pleasurable tasks.<br />
Take care of yourself: eat well, do your exercise routine and sleep well.<br />
Have a plan to restore calm and stay self-centered with meditation, yoga or t’ai chi.<br />
Afford yourself meditative walks in nature (or extra time in the garden).<br />
Accept all your feelings and find confidants to share them with.<br />
Place around the house positive images to see when you are feeling lost or sad.<br />
Avoid self-judgements about your “guilt.”<br />
Approve yourself and your decisions every day.<br />
Do something special for yourself every day.<br />
Acknowledge your own accomplishments.<br />
Connect with others using reflective listening.<br />
Learn the meaning of your marital experience lessons, and move on.</p>
<p>For more tips about detachment and what it means, see our other posts:<br />
<a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/detach-passive-aggression-kindly/?isalt=0">Detach from Passive Aggression, Kindly!</a><br />
<a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/detach-passive-aggressive-husband/?isalt=0">How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband?</a></p>
<p>You can also contact one of our coaches for a <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/i-feel-so-empty/">free coaching session</a>, where you&#8217;ll receive private, one on one advice about your personal situation and the struggles you&#8217;re having with detachment and positivity. Call us today!</p>
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-people-attractive/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Why Passive Aggressive Men are so Attractive?</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Does Your Relationship Need Repair?</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">The Three C&#8217;s of Passive Aggression</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</a></li></ul></div><p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/rescuing-life-long-pa-marriage/">How to recover your life after a passive aggressive marriage?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>
<p>Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/stop-passive-aggression-hurting-life/' rel='bookmark' title='Stop Passive Aggression From Hurting Your Life!'>Stop Passive Aggression From Hurting Your Life!</a> <small>It can take passive aggressive people years, even lifetimes, to...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/' rel='bookmark' title='Repair work in a marriage is easy!'>Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a> <small>In some situations, when coaching is really the necessary tool...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/silence-hurt-marriage/' rel='bookmark' title='His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!'>His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!</a> <small>When you have a fight with your spouse, you can...</small></li>
</ol></p>
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		<title>Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2011 02:44:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive definition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[toxic relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blame]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confusion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[security]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[silent partner]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=1040</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[While you were thinking that you were doing this &#8220;test taking&#8221; by yourself, hiding under a fake male name, or your initials, You were not alone! It was really surprising for us to begin receiving letters from the wives, just telling about their experience taking the test! Yes, they are taking the test in place [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/">Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/' rel='bookmark' title='Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights'>Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</a> <small>There are many ways in which people use power to...</small></li>
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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-kills-communication/' rel='bookmark' title='How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?'>How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?</a> <small>How does passive aggression kill the communication and love in...</small></li>
</ol>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">While you were thinking that you were doing this &#8220;test taking&#8221; by yourself, hiding under a fake male name, or your initials, You were not alone!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">It was really surprising for us to begin receiving letters from the wives, just telling about their experience taking the test! Yes, they are taking the test in place of their husbands&#8230;using his very frequent responses she can play the game of being him for the test and finish it. And receive the answer&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Why are they doing this? Because they need answers! What we find now is that receiving this answer can be very liberating&#8230;today, some wife wrote about:<strong>“My epiphany day!”</strong> Hear her words:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>&#8220;Actually, I just did the test, in the way that i see my husband. Been married nearly 38 years. I&#8217;ve been reading on your site, and what a HUGE revelation. I&#8217;ve always seen him as passive aggressive, even though i really didn&#8217;t know the definitive meaning of that word; but just the sounds of it, fits him. </em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>I&#8217;ve always seen him as Mr. sabotager; did a lot of reading today..OMG&#8230;it hasn&#8217;t been my imagination; it explains almost everything. In so many ways, I have seen that I married a man who is still emotionally a child.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>But I have figured out enough, finally, that this is not because of me; this is his problem; I was always told that everything is my problem and that I&#8217;m ungrateful&#8230;on and on the story goes.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>But reading the test results today, it feels like the veil has been lifted from my eyes; mainly that there really is a name for this behavior&#8230;&#8221;</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, you are using the test as a tool to validate your own perceptions! And in this process, you are having what this reader shared with us in her letter: a GLORIOUS, REVEALING “EPIPHANY DAY”!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What are the three products of this epiphany?</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>You are out of the brain fog;</li>
<li>You stop blaming yourself;</li>
<li>You recover your own mind!</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">And, last but not least, now you can recover your own power: the power of your ideas: the power of thinking clearly and trust your brain again.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">NOW: having an epiphany is good, but it&#8217;s frightening if you don&#8217;t know whatever you are going to do with this insight:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>You could use this information to kick the table off;</li>
<li>You could use this new info as a permission to fight back;</li>
<li>Or you could use this power to redefine the rules of the game.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">NOW WHAT? women in the situation like you are in, are probably looking for guidance for their next step. Where to leads the road ahead&#8230;?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Is it true that you need help to be able to see the next steps? Or perhaps what you only needed was having some external tool to clarify your mind, recover your power of planning your own life and now you can continue your path by yourself?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">We will be waiting for your answers&#8230;meanwhile, you too can take the test, use what you know about your husband&#8217;s motivations to do what he usually does when answering the questions, and get the response you need so much. Go ahead, take the <a href="http://passiveaggressivetest.com/passive-aggressive-test/">passive aggressive test</a>&#8230;.we will be waiting for you here!</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult, angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/system-husbands-passive-aggression/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">New System to End Your Husband&#8217;s Passive Aggression!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/68-men-prefer-retreat-avoid-fighting/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">68% of Men Prefer to Retreat and Say &#8220;Yes&#8221; To Avoid Fighting</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/husbands-lose-dont-stop-passive-aggression/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Husbands: What Will You Lose If You Don’t Stop Your Passive Aggression?</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">The Three C&#8217;s of Passive Aggression</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/conflict-coach-offers-test-passive-aggressive-husbands/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">New Test for Passive Aggressive Husbands</a></li></ul></div><p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/">Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>
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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/' rel='bookmark' title='Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights'>Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</a> <small>There are many ways in which people use power to...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/conflict-coach-offers-test-passive-aggressive-husbands/' rel='bookmark' title='New Test for Passive Aggressive Husbands'>New Test for Passive Aggressive Husbands</a> <small>Conflict Coach presents a new, effective way for men to...</small></li>
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		<title>A Passive Aggressive Marriage Breaking Point</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-marriage-tipping-point/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-marriage-tipping-point/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Aug 2011 13:00:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[toxic relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[expectations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resentment]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=994</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[People have different times to process emotional contents&#8230;when one person is fast to acknowledge that for them there is a need to stop interactions and protect themselves, other person could still go on and deny their personal hurt a bit longer. There is also a gender difference; where women are trained to use self-examination as [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-marriage-tipping-point/">A Passive Aggressive Marriage Breaking Point</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/silence-hurt-marriage/' rel='bookmark' title='His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!'>His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!</a> <small>When you have a fight with your spouse, you can...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-husband-denial/' rel='bookmark' title='Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?'>Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?</a> <small>Some of the hardest tasks in healing the passive aggressive...</small></li>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div style="text-align: justify;">
<p>People have different times to process emotional contents&#8230;when one person is fast to acknowledge that for them there is a need to stop interactions and protect themselves, other person could still go on and deny their personal hurt a bit longer.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">There is also a gender difference; where women are trained to use self-examination as a daily tool (&#8220;am I adequate? did I do right here?&#8221;) men thend to fix their views on external factors and therefore are not so used to self-examinations.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">All this talk leads to a tentative answer to the question:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">What is the point of no return in a passive aggressive relationship? When one side finds out that “meta talk” (that kind of conversation that reflects on serious questions such as: how are we doing together? are we making each other happy? what could we improve?)  communicating about the relationship is impossible with the other person.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">And why is it so hard to talk with a husband about his PA reactions? Well, the answer is here:</p>
<p style="text-align: left;" dir="ltr">In “ASK NORA” <a href="about:blank">(http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/asknora</a>)  we have a person telling:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr"><em><strong>“Because admitting to a problem is equivalent to an immediate negative judgement against him and being told &#8220;you’re a failure&#8221;.</strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr"><em>This is the reason men can’t get involved in a conversation about how they could improve: they are always positioning themselves in the very demanding situation of:</em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;" dir="ltr"><strong>examining yourself=failing=rejection risk</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Why is this attitude of ONLY focusing the self-examination on their own failures? What about their good behaviors that deserve recognition? Is there no self-esteem that can balance the automatic negative evaluation and include the positive aspects that each of us has? Whatever the hidden cause, men block self-examination and thus they lack opportunities to learn how to improve their wrong actions. This is a tragic result because puts people in a direct way to failure, as you can see reading this woman’s story:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr"><em>“I truly believe, based on my own personal experience, that my PA husband never gave it a thought that his anger, stonewalling, sarcasm and long weeks of pure silence etc. etc. would cause him to eventually lose his marriage/family.</em></p>
<p><em>Never being one to threaten divorce unless I really meant it, I mentioned the &#8220;word&#8221; 3x over our 30+ yr. marriage.  I wanted it to be taken serious as in &#8220;last chance&#8221;.</em></p>
<p><em>The first 2 times he did not answer; walked out of the room and that was enough&#8230;.I followed through on 3rd time &amp; have never looked back. Personally at 56 years, divorce is not what I wanted; I just could no longer &#8220;continue my slow death&#8221; from loneliness, lack of physical or emotional love &amp; his continued  &#8221;under current&#8221; of anger &amp; blame waiting to go off at any moment!  Why his anger? I never understood it before &amp; now I no longer care! &#8220;</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">Tragically, we can see that is this falsely protective behavior of the passive aggressive person which leads to rejection. It produces (in a magnificent example of a self-fulfilling prophecy) the same results it tries to avoid. He ends up rejected! This time, because he is not man enough to own his 50% responsibility in making the marriage relationship happen with full involvement, disclosure and communication.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">There is no other way: if you want to stop the falling out of love, the destruction of trust and the loneliness of both of you in a marriage, you need to know how to identify toxic behaviors, signal to your spouse that you respect and value her as much as to examine and change what needs to be changed and get on in the program.</p>
<p>Isn’t facing now some fear about being rejected better than ACTUALLY being rejected when you can’t face up to hurting your family?</p>
<p>Every journey starts with a single step. Our “Six-Step System to Stop Your Passive Aggression” is ready for you at<a href="http://passiveaggressivesystem.com/StopPANow/"> Passive Aggressive System</a>, but even if you’re not ready to commit to such an undertaking, you can talk to one of our <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/help-my-wife-says-im-passive-aggressive">conflict coaches</a> to see if the system is right for you and your family.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">a Conflict Coaching Session</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/husbands-lose-dont-stop-passive-aggression/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Husbands: What Will You Lose If You Don’t Stop Your Passive Aggression?</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/system-husbands-passive-aggression/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">New System to End Your Husband&#8217;s Passive Aggression!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">The Three C&#8217;s of Passive Aggression</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/improving-potential-happiness-marriage/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">How can you love your Passive Aggressive Husband?</a></li></ul></div><p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-marriage-tipping-point/">A Passive Aggressive Marriage Breaking Point</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>
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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/silence-hurt-marriage/' rel='bookmark' title='His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!'>His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!</a> <small>When you have a fight with your spouse, you can...</small></li>
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		<title>The Three C&#8217;s of Passive Aggression</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:37:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attacks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blame]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive communication]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When doing research about what attachment theory tells us about the quality of relationships, as well as its potential for emotional needs satisfaction, what we usually find is that childhood experiences have a very important role in our lives. Sometimes we hear about the challenges that passive aggression and other defensive behaviors have on marriages, [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-2/">The Three C&#8217;s of Passive Aggression</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">When  doing research about what attachment theory tells us about the quality  of relationships, as well as its potential for emotional needs  satisfaction, what we usually find is that childhood experiences have a  very important role in our lives.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Sometimes  we hear about the challenges that passive aggression and other  defensive behaviors have on marriages, but we fail to connect these  present, adult behavior failures with the past conditioning produced in  us by the family we grew up with.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So  now we have a wife who is totally confused and blindsided by the  spouse’s behavior, and that frustrated wife erroneously connects her  husband’s unhappiness and their current problem to something she either  did or didn’t do.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">In  short, the present spouse makes herself responsible for her husband’s  behavior, and in taking this weight on, she tries to find the reason of  the communication failure, so she can “heal it.”</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Nobody  enters into a relationship with a disclaimer, or an instruction letter  that would make it easier for the wife to know the territory she is  entering. If such a letter did exist, the instructions on how to deal  with a passive aggressive husband would begin with capital letters:</p>
<p style="text-align: center;" dir="ltr"><strong>“THIS IS A CONDITION YOU DID NOT CAUSE~</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;" dir="ltr"><strong>YOU CAN’T NEITHER CURE OR CONTROL IT</strong>,&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;" dir="ltr">NOW, can you  stop blaming yourself!”</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Wouldn’t  that kind of disclaimer be a god-sent message? It would save so much  pain, grief and time&#8230; which of course translates into lost happiness.  Together in this blindness is the passive aggressive spouse, who will  support to his death the conviction that his behavior is normal and  everybody else is “too demanding” or &#8220;needy&#8221; or whatever way he uses  to describe a wife with emotional needs going unsolved.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Let me recap: if you are in a passive aggressive relationship, take a step back and frame everything under this mantra:  I did not cause his condition, I can’t cure him and the best I can do  is not to take personally anything of the hurtful behaviors he is doing  now.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When it gets hard, remind yourself:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Whatever he is doing now,</p>
<ul>
<li> it is his only way of responding; he doesn’t know better;</li>
<li>it is the response he learned with his primary care-taker or mother;</li>
<li>your best way of protecting yourself is letting the behavior go away without engaging on it. Just ignore it.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now that you have this vital piece of information, what are you going to do?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Certainly  not try to change him yourself. That role lies with him whose behavior  it is! To encourage him to take his own behavior into his own hands, we  encourage passive aggressive husbands to take our Passive Aggressive  Test. He will be guided to see for himself that these are his own  behaviors (not yours or your responsibility). And YES, WE can help him change himself with the &#8220;<strong>6 Steps System to Stop Passive Aggression and Save your Marriage!&#8221;</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
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<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">Neil Warner</dd>
</dl>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.&nbsp;</p>
<p>We can begin by you having a complimentary <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/help-my-wife-says-im-passive-aggressive/" target="_blank">conflict coaching</a> session<a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/"> (</a>by clicking here<a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
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		<title>Defending yourself from love with passive aggression?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 25 May 2011 22:54:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attacks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggression]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[In this dance of connection and isolation named marriage, it is possible to see that the two people have different models to get together&#8230;basically how near can you get to people without fearing to be swallowed by the relationship? The national assumption about us being independent individuals crashes with the task of forming a new [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/">Defending yourself from love with passive aggression?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">In this dance of connection and isolation named marriage, it is possible to see that the two people have different models to get together&#8230;basically how near can you get to people without fearing to be swallowed by the relationship?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The national assumption about us being independent individuals crashes with the task of forming a new &#8220;WE&#8221; entity when we marry or establish a permanent relationship; both are antithetical.<br />
And so, we find several degrees of permission to be near, and or permission to create distance from the other and be by yourself, depending of course on the attachment style we developed when children. If you have a secure attachment, you can go back and forth between your own needs for individuation and the merging with your loved one: neither will scare you either with abandonment or with engulfment. In the case of persons with insecure or anxious attachment who could express the following feelings:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others;</li>
<li>I am nervous when anyone gets too close;</li>
<li>I often worry about someone getting too close to me;</li>
<li>I am not comfortable having other depend on me;</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">we can perceive that there is some insecurity there, either trying to get close or to accept the inevitable dependence  on each other generated by a &#8220;WE.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Where is this conversation going? Easy, the best way to keep a fixed distance with an intimate partner is using some of the techniques of passive aggression!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Let me explain: when you do the icy silence called &#8220;the cold shoulder&#8221; what you are really doing is regulating the distance&#8230;.telling the other person:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>&#8220;I&#8217;m not leaving you, but I&#8217;m in my cave, don&#8217;t get near me so I don&#8217;t get too scared of intimacy&#8230;, and the &#8220;WE&#8221; project goes into the fridge up until the moment I can reattach again&#8221;</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When you do the nasty comments, and the put downs, and the inconsiderate critiques what you are doing is controlling the possibility of the other person getting dangerously near, by doing hurtful behaviors that will force her to withdraw in order to protect herself.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Having an insecure attachment marks a person for life, because he can&#8217;t ever trust completely the other person when she gets too near: what if she finally leaves him? what is he feels too dependent of her and so has to be too worried about his own survival without her?   Better to detach constantly from the other with passive aggression, so nobody can be so near him as to make him feel dangerously intimate!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now we understand better this dance: when he withdraws, she chases him with her love and so forces him to withdraw more&#8230;.escalating the passive aggression attitudes so finally get her to reject him.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">And all this in the name of love, would you say? Probably, yes. This is the relationship that lots of people call love&#8230;not knowing something better as how to generate a more secure attachment.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.&nbsp;</p>
<p>We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">a complimentary consultation (by clicking here)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
</div>
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		<title>Passive Aggression and Childhood Attachment</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 May 2011 03:47:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive definition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attacks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Childhood early experiences leave a permanent mark in our brains; they become our stories, the basis for our identities, and later on they shape our adult relationships because of our biological wiring. This is not a common idea because we basically tend to think of ourselves as independent, self-reliant individuals and this is a very strong [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/">Passive Aggression and Childhood Attachment</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">Childhood early experiences leave a permanent mark in our brains; they become our stories, the basis for our identities, and later on they shape our adult relationships because of our biological wiring.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This is not a common idea because we basically tend to think of ourselves as independent, self-reliant individuals and this is a very strong social myth. We are raised and aspire to be independent, resourceful beings that solve all personal needs in an efficient way. If someone can’t do this, he has to be a weaker individual, a dependent or needy one….In this way we reject the concept of interdependence in a very strong way.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Surprisingly, there is a gap between theories of human development and our social ideals. Biologically we are designed as social creatures, and is a fact of our biology that as babies we need to survive by attachment to our care-givers. Without this care, we would not survive.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The process of being raised by other grown up member of the species that guarantees our survival is based and supported by the creation of a bond between bay and caretaker called attachment. And attachment is predicated upon the quality of care that our parent or care-taker gives us.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When grown ups, we can achieve more if we have the right type of attachment. The more and better connected, the more effective we are.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What kind of attachment do we get from our mothers determines what attachment style do we have later as adults.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Basically, we have three options:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Either our caretaker/mother can provide a <strong>Secure attachment</strong>, and then things go normal and we learn self-reliance in due time. Mother was there, patient and calm, supportive and caring. Because we want someone committed to us, is best to form a secure attachment.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Or the caretaker had her own problems reflected in the kind of care provided:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Mother was psychologically absent, or detached and neutral; or demanding and critical of everything; not appreciative of baby’s progress:</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong> </strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Then, Avoidant attachment was provided:</strong> keeps you off balance; doesn’t want to be too close; talks about independence as a value; devalues others as “needy;” and you never receive verbal assurances of being loved.</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Mother was there, but oscillating between being loving and patient one minute and being upset, tired or exhausted the next one:</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Then, Anxious attachment was provided:</strong> you could get close to your mother, but always worried about not being loved the next minute; always wanting to be close; to feel securely connected, but never completely sure of it; they wait to say “I love you” up until the other side says it…</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now, get a look at some characteristics of a passive aggressive person…and see the actual version of an old Avoidant attachment present now:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/fear_of_dependency.htm" target="_blank">Fear of Dependency:</a></strong> From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. &#8220;Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn&#8217;t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/intimacy_fear.htm" target="_blank">Fear of Intimacy:</a></strong> The passive aggressive often can&#8217;t trust because an avoidant attachment made him always suspicious of being rejected later. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Can you make the connection? Can you see where from this attitude towards life is coming from? Not innate, but formed in the period of life between 0 and 5 years&#8230;and becoming &#8220;the&#8221; only way a passive aggressive person conceives relationships. He is trained to expect either an avoidant or an anxious mother&#8230;never to aspire to a secure connection, because he never knew one! This is the deep reason of all the defensive behaviors &#8220;protecting him&#8221; from the imagined perils of his present relationship. Very sad, right? to be reacting to the past loved one (mother or care-taker) and not being able to see and love the present partner!</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.&nbsp;</p>
<p>We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">a complimentary consultation (by clicking here)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
</div>
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		<title>Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 15:56:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive definition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[There are many ways in which people use power to control and abuse others. This is especially true of passive aggressive behavior, which is often about making the PA look his best, while taking power from others and making them look or feel bad. Which of these ways is your passive aggressive husband using to [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/">Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There are many ways in which people use power to control and abuse others. This is especially true of passive aggressive behavior, which is often about making the PA look his best, while taking power from others and making them look or feel bad. Which of these ways is your passive aggressive husband using to control you?</p>
<p>There are four main things a passive aggressive person will try to control or violate, in order to protect themselves from rejection and/or confrontation.</p>
<ul>
<li>The Right to Know</li>
<li>The Right to Feel</li>
<li>The Right to Have Impact</li>
<li>The Right to Space</li>
</ul>
<p>When he violates your right to know, he gives you unclear information, withholds information that you don&#8217;t &#8220;need&#8221; (like the finances), or gives you too little or too much information. With too little, you are left shaky and uncertain, realizing after he leaves that he didn&#8217;t really answer your question, or in fact made the situation look worse than you thought. This is where you may feel as if you&#8217;re expected to draw your own conclusions or &#8220;mind read.&#8221; With no information (&#8220;the silent treatment&#8221;) you feel like you&#8217;re walking on eggshells &#8211; or a mine field. When you are given too much information (anger attacks or blaming), you are not given time to speak, defend yourself, ask for clearer information, or set boundaries.</p>
<p>Your right to feel is violated when he tells you what you&#8217;re feeling, what you&#8217;re about to do or how you&#8217;re going to react. He may make claims about how you &#8220;always overreact&#8221; or how you&#8217;re just being &#8220;emotional.&#8221; He&#8217;ll make emotional demands about what not to feel (&#8220;Don&#8217;t cry&#8221;) or what you shouldn&#8217;t feel.</p>
<p>Crazy-making situations really start to show when your right to impact is violated. This is when he denies (by ignoring you, by overriding your needs with his own, by refusing to meet your needs) that you have an impact on his life. We measure our existence by how much impact we have on others, both physically and emotionally. If you feel like you don&#8217;t matter to him (don&#8217;t have an impact), it&#8217;s like being told you don&#8217;t exist at all! He can make this worse by &#8220;thinging&#8221; or objectifying you. He may treat you like a piece of furniture, coming to you only when he has certain physical needs. He may also deny your impact on him by denying contact &#8211; in other words, anything you say about his faults will bounce off and come back as something to use against you.</p>
<p>The last way he may violate your rights is to deny your right to space. In many ways, this is your right to individual power &#8211; the thing he wants you to have very little or none of. He may violate your right to emotional, physical, time, or mental space by saying that you doing x violates his right to do y (thus painting you out to be the bad guy, every time). For example, your right to be alone in your office violates his right to come visit you. Your right to have friends and family over violates his right to privacy and quiet. And so on, and so on.</p>
<p>These are the four main ways a passive aggressive husband exerts his crazy-making control over his partner and other people. Looking at them as your rights helps to understand this behavior as abusive &#8211; a denial of your personal rights to sanity and respect. Which of these ways is your husband using against you? More than one? Maybe all?</p>
<p>We encourage you to explore our blog, videos, and discussions (under &#8220;Ask Nora&#8221; and &#8220;Your Voice&#8221;) to learn more about these abusive behaviors and how to defend yourself against them. But for immediate action and sanity-saving help, please visit Coach Nora, and <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">receive a free coaching session</a>.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<p>I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.</p>
<p>We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">a complimentary consultation (by clicking here)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
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		<title>How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-kills-communication/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-kills-communication/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2011 15:52:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[responses]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[How does passive aggression kill the communication and love in a relationship? Wives of passive aggressive husbands share their stories. He has done a lot of the following behaviors to me: Saying he will do something and not doing it; Doing something half-assed, and then blaming me for attacking him when I confront him; Never [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-kills-communication/">How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/silence-hurt-marriage/' rel='bookmark' title='His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!'>His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!</a> <small>When you have a fight with your spouse, you can...</small></li>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>How does passive aggression kill the communication and love in a relationship? Wives of passive aggressive husbands share their stories.</p>
<blockquote><p>He has done a lot of the following behaviors to me:</p>
<ul>
<li>Saying he will do something and not doing it;</li>
<li>Doing something half-assed, and then blaming me for attacking him when I confront him;</li>
<li>Never taking responsibility for things that go wrong;</li>
<li>Defiant against authority and social mores, always criticizing those who have power in church, government, at his job;</li>
<li>Gets back at people secretively &#8211; like shooting the neighbors car with a BB gun and then denying having done it;</li>
<li>Lying to save himself or avoid punishment;</li>
<li>Having an affair and saying it was caused by me not giving him affection.</li>
</ul>
<p>When I confront him about any of this, or god forbid confront him about being passive aggressive, he says I&#8217;m &#8220;out to make him wrong&#8221; (his hidden anger, from when his family would make him the scapegoat). And that&#8217;s where the conversation stops! If we&#8217;re unable to move beyond this communication wall, our relationship is going to end, and badly.</p>
<p>- Madeline</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>My husband and I have a lot of communication problems because of his passive aggression. He often forgets conversations we&#8217;ve had, denies they happened, or denies any fact from them that would make him wrong. I&#8217;ve taken to writing things down, repeating them verbatim, or printing email records to prove that I&#8217;m not as crazy as he says.</p>
<p>I feel like I can&#8217;t talk to him even then, because he&#8217;s continually passing judgement on what I&#8217;m thinking and doing at the moment, showing me that I don&#8217;t pass his evaluations and expectations.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s like a constant mental game of chess &#8211; I&#8217;m always on the defensive, while he thinks the opposite. Meanwhile, we shouldn&#8217;t be competing or playing games at all! Failure to communicate honestly and openly is breaking up our relationship.</p>
<p>- Eden</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>His passive aggression is making our lives hell. The simple things like saying &#8220;I&#8217;ll do this,&#8221; and then actually doing it, are lost. He uses his passive aggressive communication/language as a way to make me feel demanding (when he doesn&#8217;t do things he said he would) or abusive (confronting him about how many times he&#8217;s let me down).</p>
<p>He is bitter and jealous of anyone else&#8217;s achievements, and either criticizes them constantly or refuses to talk to them at all. He continually gripes about not being recognized for his hard work, when he&#8217;s not really putting in any more effort than I am.</p>
<p>He mumbles so I can&#8217;t tell whether he&#8217;s insulting me or others, and he&#8217;s distant, even when we&#8217;re in the same room.</p>
<p>Help me!</p>
<p>- Georgia</p></blockquote>
<p>What can you do to deal with this sad state of affairs? There are lots of resources here in this blog, as well as coaching available.</p>
<p>&nbsp;
<div class="neilauthor"><div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div></p>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today, offering you a coaching session to deal with hubby&#8217;s <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">passive aggression</a>!.</div>
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		<title>Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/sadness-passive-aggressive-relationship/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/sadness-passive-aggressive-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Mar 2011 05:02:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ending a passive aggressive relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[frustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[leaving a passive aggressive relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[negotiation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sadness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[separation]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[If you are thinking of ending the sadness and pain of your passive aggressive relationship, you are not alone. For many wives of passive aggressive husbands, ending a passive aggressive relationship is often at the center of their thoughts. You may have tried many other alternatives, trying to salvage the relationship or convince your husband [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/sadness-passive-aggressive-relationship/">Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">If you are thinking of ending the sadness and pain of your passive aggressive relationship, you are not alone. For many wives of passive aggressive husbands, ending a passive aggressive relationship is often at the center of their thoughts. You may have tried many other alternatives, trying to salvage the relationship or convince your husband how changing would improve your marriage. Although we always encourage communication and growth above leaving the relationship, sometimes this option is a necessary final step. Sometimes, it is simply healthier for you to leave your husband and move on to a new stage in your life.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The first step in leaving a passive aggressive husband is to come to terms with your situation. You may have already done this, but if you haven&#8217;t, let us explain. It is important to realize the facts about your relationship: your partner is passive aggressive. You have tried everything you could, and still he refuses to accept his share in conflict ownership. Regardless of that, he is responsible at least for half of the relationship failure&#8230;and still in denial of this fact.  You are in pain, ready to move on, ready to begin again on your own if you have to.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Another thing to keep in mind is that certain strategies that have worked for others may not have worked for you, and that&#8217;s okay. After a certain point, some people are not fixable or changeable &#8211; simply because <em>he </em>has to be the one to commit to changing himself. Have you heard the phrase, &#8220;You can lead a horse to water, but you can&#8217;t make it drink?&#8221; If your passive aggressive husband can&#8217;t commit to changing, it is not your responsibility or obligation to try and change him anyway. If he&#8217;s not willing to commit to change, he&#8217;s also not willing to commit to the relationship.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The next step after accepting that he will not change &#8211; and you have no obligation to change him &#8211; is to grieve the dreams you&#8217;re leaving behind. Sounds dramatic, doesn&#8217;t it? It&#8217;s true though. Essentially, you suffer from the relationship not just because it thwarts your need for love, support, and trust. You also suffer because there is some part of you that still dreams of a perfect marriage, and this part of you is constantly crying, &#8220;Look, this is what could have been.&#8221; This may be the hardest thing you&#8217;ll ever have to do. It requires teaching yourself that sometimes, we can&#8217;t rely on others to fulfill our dreams, or wait for them to give us what we need. We have to take charge and take what we need for ourselves, or move on and find someone who deserves us. Realize that you have more to offer than is being recognized; you are worth respect and adoration!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">After you&#8217;ve left the relationship behind you &#8211; moved to a new city, gotten a new job, whatever it is that you decided &#8211; the next important step is to re-motivate your life. Stop, think clearly for a moment. Has it sunk in yet, that you can do whatever you want? That you are free? That there is nothing holding you back from doing the things you&#8217;ve dreamt of doing? Think about something you&#8217;ve wanted to do, somewhere you wanted to be. Maybe you have projects that you never were able to do, goals you left behind to put your husband&#8217;s needs first. Pick those things back up! Let yourself dive back into them, and being to nurture and heal yourself in the process.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Lastly, it is critical for you to have a network of supportive people to shelter you as you transition from your old marriage to your new life. Whether they are family, friends, church members, teachers, mentors, or coaches, the benefits of having someone to listen to you and guide you cannot be overestimated. You need someone who will know how to put you on the right path when you&#8217;re not sure where to go next, when your ex-partner tries to guilt trip you, when there are complications in the process or when you just feel discouraged and lonely.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">If you are ready to leave your relationship, want to try and salvage it, or are just trying to get by in whatever situation you&#8217;re in, Coach Nora is here to help. Please visit her here to receive a <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">free coaching session</a>, and learn what you can do to create a happier, healthier life for yourself. No bad situation is ever permanent, if you don&#8217;t want it to be!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Also, we offer an entire eBook on the subject of leaving a passive aggressive relationship. Please look below how to get your own copy, and learn more strategies for moving on in a healthy, responsible way.</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
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<dl id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px;">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">Neil Warner</dd>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today. And remember that we answer all your questions and coaching requests!</div>
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