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	<title>Passive Aggressive Husband &#187; control</title>
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		<title>Does Your Relationship Need Repair?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 05 Dec 2011 20:01:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional dependence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unhappiness]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=1109</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Confrontations don&#8217;t just magically stop happening! To handle conflict correctly and learn from past mistakes, partners need a protocol to manage life&#8217;s inevitable confrontations and they need to know how to do relationship repair. We don&#8217;t often think past getting into a relationship &#8211; but taking care of a relationship is just as important! Managing confrontations [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair/">Does Your Relationship Need Repair?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/planning-repair-relationships/' rel='bookmark' title='Planning to Repair your Relationships?'>Planning to Repair your Relationships?</a> <small>This blog is a long term journey, thinking about how...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair-anger-hear-pain/' rel='bookmark' title='Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain'>Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain</a> <small>When disputes are frequent and people don&#8217;t bother even listening...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/' rel='bookmark' title='Repair work in a marriage is easy!'>Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a> <small>In some situations, when coaching is really the necessary tool...</small></li>
</ol>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div style="text-align: justify;">Confrontations don&#8217;t just magically stop happening!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">To handle conflict correctly and learn from past mistakes, partners need a protocol to manage life&#8217;s inevitable confrontations and they need to know how to do relationship repair.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">We don&#8217;t often think past getting <em>into </em>a relationship &#8211; but taking care <em>of</em> a relationship is just as important!</div>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Managing confrontations can be discovered in our previous book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Complete-Passive-Aggression-ebook/dp/B006D5SUUI/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1322148787&amp;sr=1-5">How to Fight Fair in Your Marriage</a>. Here, however, we want to discuss the basics of repairing a relationship and making it as healthy as it can be. This is especially important in a passive aggressive marriage &#8211; trying to keep the relationship alive and solid enough to move forward from requires being fully aware of how relationships should and must work.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">To have a healthy relationship, basic human needs <em>must </em>be considered. You have to meet your spouse&#8217;s needs, and your spouse must meet yours. If we could meet our own needs, we wouldn&#8217;t need other humans! Of course, you must be familiar with and learn to recognize these basic needs, and then your “repair work” can be based on that need.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You can find out which of your spouse&#8217;s basic needs is being frustrated in the marriage by asking yourself what are the things he/she complains about you most frequently. Conversely, you can start to consider which of <em>your</em> needs are being frustrated by doing the same exercise.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">For example: the need for recognition. You can identify this need if your spouse often says that you:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Don’t pay attention; (“You never listen to me”).<br />
Don’t appreciate him/her; (“You don’t care about the things that are important to me”).<br />
Don’t care about their dreams; (“You don’t even remember that I would love to ___”).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What would some basic repair ideas be?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">First, you need to make it a task for yourself to respond to him/her in such a way that they feel listened to (“I hear you saying that you are tired of ___, where would you like to go instead?”).</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Then, set out to address the unsatisfied need directly. To satisfy a need for recognition, find something each day to observe and appreciate. Ask, “Where do you see us in five years?” and “Is there something else that you would like to talk about?” You don&#8217;t need to draw out long explanations about whether or not the plans are feasible.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Just listen, and repeat back what the other person said in your own words, then ask for the other person’s confirmation: “Did I understand you well?”</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Do you need more tips for repairing your relationship? Join us for free at “<a href="http://nationalrelationshipsmonth.com/">Relationship Repair</a>,” where you’ll receive access to a 4 week plan for handling conflict and reconnecting with your spouse.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts:</h3><ul><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair-anger-hear-pain/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-people-attractive/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Why Passive Aggressive Men are so Attractive?</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/stop-confusing-brain/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Stop confusing your brain!</a></li><li><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/deal-passive-aggressive-husband-2/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">How to deal with passive aggressive husband</a></li></ul></div><p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair/">Does Your Relationship Need Repair?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>
<p>Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/planning-repair-relationships/' rel='bookmark' title='Planning to Repair your Relationships?'>Planning to Repair your Relationships?</a> <small>This blog is a long term journey, thinking about how...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair-anger-hear-pain/' rel='bookmark' title='Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain'>Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain</a> <small>When disputes are frequent and people don&#8217;t bother even listening...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/' rel='bookmark' title='Repair work in a marriage is easy!'>Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a> <small>In some situations, when coaching is really the necessary tool...</small></li>
</ol></p>
<p>Related posts brought to you by <a href='http://yarpp.org'>Yet Another Related Posts Plugin</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Planning to Repair your Relationships?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/planning-repair-relationships/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/planning-repair-relationships/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 02 Dec 2011 18:38:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Repair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[toxic relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[connection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[expectations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hidden anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resentment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[respect]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sadness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[security]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=1095</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This blog is a long term journey, thinking about how to promote happy, healthy relationships, that we walk through each day. And, -of course- there is crisis time! Yes, the holidays are approaching and we are confronted with the need to evaluate where we are now, and what do we want for the next year&#8230;. [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/planning-repair-relationships/">Planning to Repair your Relationships?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/' rel='bookmark' title='Repair work in a marriage is easy!'>Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a> <small>In some situations, when coaching is really the necessary tool...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair-anger-hear-pain/' rel='bookmark' title='Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain'>Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain</a> <small>When disputes are frequent and people don&#8217;t bother even listening...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/sadness-passive-aggressive-relationship/' rel='bookmark' title='Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships'>Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships</a> <small>If you are thinking of ending the sadness and pain...</small></li>
</ol>

Related posts brought to you by <a href='http://yarpp.org'>Yet Another Related Posts Plugin</a>.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">This blog is a long term journey, thinking about how to promote happy, healthy relationships, that we walk through each day. And, -of course- there is crisis time! Yes, the holidays are approaching and we are confronted with the need to evaluate where we are now, and what do we want for the next year&#8230;.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Are you coming short of your dreams? Still believing that with a bit of support and learning some good communication skills you would feel more gratified in your relationships?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">We have been thinking along the same line here&#8230;.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">We wanted to challenge the “End of the Year Blues”, as we realized how many issues are still without improvement or resolution when it comes to our important relationships…</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">With this in mind, we are proud to announce that December will be</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>“National Relationships Repair Month&#8221;</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This FREE program spans over 4 whole weeks for a good, meaty discussion and healing of the issues that form the base of our relationships, so hidden we usually do not take the time to reflect on them…</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">We provide here good reading materials for you to learn from, questions and answers and finally, a good plan to restore your relationships. Knowing that you read this blog frequently, we are sure you would be interested in this project.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Get a good look at our new offer, and hop on board! Here is the link, and remember that we are waiting for you!</p>
<p><a title="National Relationships Repair Month" href="http://nationalrelationshipsmonth.com/">Relationship Repair</a></p>
<div class="noraauthor"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" />Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.</div>
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<p>Related posts:<ol>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/repair-work-in-a-marriage-easy-to-do/' rel='bookmark' title='Repair work in a marriage is easy!'>Repair work in a marriage is easy!</a> <small>In some situations, when coaching is really the necessary tool...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/relationship-repair-anger-hear-pain/' rel='bookmark' title='Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain'>Relationship repair: The anger you hear is her pain</a> <small>When disputes are frequent and people don&#8217;t bother even listening...</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/sadness-passive-aggressive-relationship/' rel='bookmark' title='Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships'>Ending the Sadness of Passive Aggressive Relationships</a> <small>If you are thinking of ending the sadness and pain...</small></li>
</ol></p>
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		</item>
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		<title>Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2011 02:44:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive definition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[toxic relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blame]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confusion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[security]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[silent partner]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=1040</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[While you were thinking that you were doing this &#8220;test taking&#8221; by yourself, hiding under a fake male name, or your initials, You were not alone! It was really surprising for us to begin receiving letters from the wives, just telling about their experience taking the test! Yes, they are taking the test in place [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/women-passive-aggressive-test/">Women like you are taking the passive aggressive test: you are not alone!</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">While you were thinking that you were doing this &#8220;test taking&#8221; by yourself, hiding under a fake male name, or your initials, You were not alone!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">It was really surprising for us to begin receiving letters from the wives, just telling about their experience taking the test! Yes, they are taking the test in place of their husbands&#8230;using his very frequent responses she can play the game of being him for the test and finish it. And receive the answer&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Why are they doing this? Because they need answers! What we find now is that receiving this answer can be very liberating&#8230;today, some wife wrote about:<strong>“My epiphany day!”</strong> Hear her words:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>&#8220;Actually, I just did the test, in the way that i see my husband. Been married nearly 38 years. I&#8217;ve been reading on your site, and what a HUGE revelation. I&#8217;ve always seen him as passive aggressive, even though i really didn&#8217;t know the definitive meaning of that word; but just the sounds of it, fits him. </em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>I&#8217;ve always seen him as Mr. sabotager; did a lot of reading today..OMG&#8230;it hasn&#8217;t been my imagination; it explains almost everything. In so many ways, I have seen that I married a man who is still emotionally a child.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>But I have figured out enough, finally, that this is not because of me; this is his problem; I was always told that everything is my problem and that I&#8217;m ungrateful&#8230;on and on the story goes.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>But reading the test results today, it feels like the veil has been lifted from my eyes; mainly that there really is a name for this behavior&#8230;&#8221;</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, you are using the test as a tool to validate your own perceptions! And in this process, you are having what this reader shared with us in her letter: a GLORIOUS, REVEALING “EPIPHANY DAY”!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What are the three products of this epiphany?</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>You are out of the brain fog;</li>
<li>You stop blaming yourself;</li>
<li>You recover your own mind!</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">And, last but not least, now you can recover your own power: the power of your ideas: the power of thinking clearly and trust your brain again.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">NOW: having an epiphany is good, but it&#8217;s frightening if you don&#8217;t know whatever you are going to do with this insight:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>You could use this information to kick the table off;</li>
<li>You could use this new info as a permission to fight back;</li>
<li>Or you could use this power to redefine the rules of the game.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">NOW WHAT? women in the situation like you are in, are probably looking for guidance for their next step. Where to leads the road ahead&#8230;?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Is it true that you need help to be able to see the next steps? Or perhaps what you only needed was having some external tool to clarify your mind, recover your power of planning your own life and now you can continue your path by yourself?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">We will be waiting for your answers&#8230;meanwhile, you too can take the test, use what you know about your husband&#8217;s motivations to do what he usually does when answering the questions, and get the response you need so much. Go ahead, take the <a href="http://passiveaggressivetest.com/passive-aggressive-test/">passive aggressive test</a>&#8230;.we will be waiting for you here!</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult, angry relationship with love and compassion. You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with <a title="Get Started Now!" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/" rel="nofollow">Conflict Coach</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
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		<title>Defending yourself from love with passive aggression?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 25 May 2011 22:54:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[In this dance of connection and isolation named marriage, it is possible to see that the two people have different models to get together&#8230;basically how near can you get to people without fearing to be swallowed by the relationship? The national assumption about us being independent individuals crashes with the task of forming a new [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/defending-love-passive-aggression/">Defending yourself from love with passive aggression?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">In this dance of connection and isolation named marriage, it is possible to see that the two people have different models to get together&#8230;basically how near can you get to people without fearing to be swallowed by the relationship?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The national assumption about us being independent individuals crashes with the task of forming a new &#8220;WE&#8221; entity when we marry or establish a permanent relationship; both are antithetical.<br />
And so, we find several degrees of permission to be near, and or permission to create distance from the other and be by yourself, depending of course on the attachment style we developed when children. If you have a secure attachment, you can go back and forth between your own needs for individuation and the merging with your loved one: neither will scare you either with abandonment or with engulfment. In the case of persons with insecure or anxious attachment who could express the following feelings:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others;</li>
<li>I am nervous when anyone gets too close;</li>
<li>I often worry about someone getting too close to me;</li>
<li>I am not comfortable having other depend on me;</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">we can perceive that there is some insecurity there, either trying to get close or to accept the inevitable dependence  on each other generated by a &#8220;WE.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Where is this conversation going? Easy, the best way to keep a fixed distance with an intimate partner is using some of the techniques of passive aggression!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Let me explain: when you do the icy silence called &#8220;the cold shoulder&#8221; what you are really doing is regulating the distance&#8230;.telling the other person:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><em>&#8220;I&#8217;m not leaving you, but I&#8217;m in my cave, don&#8217;t get near me so I don&#8217;t get too scared of intimacy&#8230;, and the &#8220;WE&#8221; project goes into the fridge up until the moment I can reattach again&#8221;</em></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When you do the nasty comments, and the put downs, and the inconsiderate critiques what you are doing is controlling the possibility of the other person getting dangerously near, by doing hurtful behaviors that will force her to withdraw in order to protect herself.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Having an insecure attachment marks a person for life, because he can&#8217;t ever trust completely the other person when she gets too near: what if she finally leaves him? what is he feels too dependent of her and so has to be too worried about his own survival without her?   Better to detach constantly from the other with passive aggression, so nobody can be so near him as to make him feel dangerously intimate!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now we understand better this dance: when he withdraws, she chases him with her love and so forces him to withdraw more&#8230;.escalating the passive aggression attitudes so finally get her to reject him.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">And all this in the name of love, would you say? Probably, yes. This is the relationship that lots of people call love&#8230;not knowing something better as how to generate a more secure attachment.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>How passive aggressive can you be?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 May 2011 20:51:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[There is a long standing conversation about husbands and wives having a difference of opinion&#8230; about the husband being passive aggressive, no less! It goes more or less like this: She complains; he denies all responsibility; She suffers; he ignores her suffering and walks away; She gets educated or a therapist; he laughs at them; [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive/">How passive aggressive can you be?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">There is a long standing conversation about husbands and wives having a difference of opinion&#8230; about the husband being passive aggressive, no less!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">It goes more or less like this:</p>
<ul>
<li>She complains; he denies all responsibility;</li>
<li>She suffers; he ignores her suffering and walks away;</li>
<li>She gets educated or a therapist; he laughs at them;</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">And this can go on for years! Most of the women writing to this site begin their letters saying: &#8220;I have been married to this guy 20 years&#8230;or 15, or 25&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This is because only recently have they put a name to this situation, and having a name situates them into a new category: &#8220;I&#8217;m married to a PA person! That is the reason for all those indicators I didn&#8217;t knew how to understand before&#8230;!&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">How can she really know? Well, as with some psychological disorders, the victims are the telltale indicators that something is not right. By compiling the victims&#8217; narratives, we get the picture of a behavior that is real because we can now observe its impact on its victims.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Because victims have this pain of the gap between expected behaviors and their own reality, they observe, compare, and get educated about the differences between loving, healthy relationships and the toxic ones.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">There is now a lot of information coming out, and we know more and more about how passive aggressive behaviors work and what is their impact on marriages. In fact: we know that it surely kills trust-based relationships such as marriages!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">As a result, for him it is becoming more difficult to deny that those separated and isolated incidents now fit into a large, ominous picture where he is now seen as the culprit of her unhappiness.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, is there no good place left to hide, husbands? Well, there is still your well-used resource: deny and deny that you have these tendencies&#8230; and attribute the situations your wife complains about to &#8220;bad luck,&#8221; misinterpretation or any other accidental cause&#8230; the purpose here is to divert, confuse and obfuscate your wife; never taking personal responsibility for anything.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">How long can this work? That is the main problem with this strategy&#8230; it can work in the short term; in the long term, people tire of your endless &#8220;It wasn&#8217;t me&#8230;.&#8221; answer and withdraw from the emotional connection with you.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, what&#8217;s going on?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Basically, the lesson life is teaching you is &#8220;Grow up! Review those strategies coming from the times when you were a defenseless boy, and learn how to really, really have a deep connection with the people you say you love.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Because is not how many times you say that you love them, is how much sensitive you are to their inner wishes and needs. Is not how good a provider you are (that&#8217;s not enough now&#8230;) but how deeply you get to know and support the growth of the people around you.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Helping them grow will help you grow and mature at the same time&#8230; which you can&#8217;t do when you withdraw into your silence.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">So, next time you are tempted to go into your cave, clam up, keep the silence and individual &#8220;business&#8221; for two weeks and wait for the storm to pass giving everybody the cold shoulder, remember:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Perhaps this is the last time life is giving you an opportunity to look around, see the wounds of the people who (still) love you, and take a deep breath: this is your life.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Isn&#8217;t there something more courageous you could be doing with it? Like asking around to your wife the magical question: &#8220;Please, can you tell me what hurt you? This time, I&#8217;m ready to listen&#8230;?&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
<div class="noraauthor"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" />Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! You can even begin a conversation about your possible <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/get-help/help-my-wife-says-im-passive-aggressive/">passive aggression</a> with her!.</div>
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		<title>Passive Aggression and Childhood Attachment</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 May 2011 03:47:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Childhood early experiences leave a permanent mark in our brains; they become our stories, the basis for our identities, and later on they shape our adult relationships because of our biological wiring. This is not a common idea because we basically tend to think of ourselves as independent, self-reliant individuals and this is a very strong [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-childhood-attachment/">Passive Aggression and Childhood Attachment</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">Childhood early experiences leave a permanent mark in our brains; they become our stories, the basis for our identities, and later on they shape our adult relationships because of our biological wiring.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This is not a common idea because we basically tend to think of ourselves as independent, self-reliant individuals and this is a very strong social myth. We are raised and aspire to be independent, resourceful beings that solve all personal needs in an efficient way. If someone can’t do this, he has to be a weaker individual, a dependent or needy one….In this way we reject the concept of interdependence in a very strong way.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Surprisingly, there is a gap between theories of human development and our social ideals. Biologically we are designed as social creatures, and is a fact of our biology that as babies we need to survive by attachment to our care-givers. Without this care, we would not survive.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">The process of being raised by other grown up member of the species that guarantees our survival is based and supported by the creation of a bond between bay and caretaker called attachment. And attachment is predicated upon the quality of care that our parent or care-taker gives us.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">When grown ups, we can achieve more if we have the right type of attachment. The more and better connected, the more effective we are.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What kind of attachment do we get from our mothers determines what attachment style do we have later as adults.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Basically, we have three options:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Either our caretaker/mother can provide a <strong>Secure attachment</strong>, and then things go normal and we learn self-reliance in due time. Mother was there, patient and calm, supportive and caring. Because we want someone committed to us, is best to form a secure attachment.</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Or the caretaker had her own problems reflected in the kind of care provided:</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Mother was psychologically absent, or detached and neutral; or demanding and critical of everything; not appreciative of baby’s progress:</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong> </strong></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Then, Avoidant attachment was provided:</strong> keeps you off balance; doesn’t want to be too close; talks about independence as a value; devalues others as “needy;” and you never receive verbal assurances of being loved.</p>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Mother was there, but oscillating between being loving and patient one minute and being upset, tired or exhausted the next one:</li>
</ul>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Then, Anxious attachment was provided:</strong> you could get close to your mother, but always worried about not being loved the next minute; always wanting to be close; to feel securely connected, but never completely sure of it; they wait to say “I love you” up until the other side says it…</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now, get a look at some characteristics of a passive aggressive person…and see the actual version of an old Avoidant attachment present now:</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/fear_of_dependency.htm" target="_blank">Fear of Dependency:</a></strong> From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. &#8220;Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn&#8217;t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><a href="http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/intimacy_fear.htm" target="_blank">Fear of Intimacy:</a></strong> The passive aggressive often can&#8217;t trust because an avoidant attachment made him always suspicious of being rejected later. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Can you make the connection? Can you see where from this attitude towards life is coming from? Not innate, but formed in the period of life between 0 and 5 years&#8230;and becoming &#8220;the&#8221; only way a passive aggressive person conceives relationships. He is trained to expect either an avoidant or an anxious mother&#8230;never to aspire to a secure connection, because he never knew one! This is the deep reason of all the defensive behaviors &#8220;protecting him&#8221; from the imagined perils of his present relationship. Very sad, right? to be reacting to the past loved one (mother or care-taker) and not being able to see and love the present partner!</p>
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<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.&nbsp;</p>
<p>We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">a complimentary consultation (by clicking here)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
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		<title>Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 06 May 2011 15:56:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[There are many ways in which people use power to control and abuse others. This is especially true of passive aggressive behavior, which is often about making the PA look his best, while taking power from others and making them look or feel bad. Which of these ways is your passive aggressive husband using to [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-abuses-rights/">Passive Aggression Abuses Your Rights</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There are many ways in which people use power to control and abuse others. This is especially true of passive aggressive behavior, which is often about making the PA look his best, while taking power from others and making them look or feel bad. Which of these ways is your passive aggressive husband using to control you?</p>
<p>There are four main things a passive aggressive person will try to control or violate, in order to protect themselves from rejection and/or confrontation.</p>
<ul>
<li>The Right to Know</li>
<li>The Right to Feel</li>
<li>The Right to Have Impact</li>
<li>The Right to Space</li>
</ul>
<p>When he violates your right to know, he gives you unclear information, withholds information that you don&#8217;t &#8220;need&#8221; (like the finances), or gives you too little or too much information. With too little, you are left shaky and uncertain, realizing after he leaves that he didn&#8217;t really answer your question, or in fact made the situation look worse than you thought. This is where you may feel as if you&#8217;re expected to draw your own conclusions or &#8220;mind read.&#8221; With no information (&#8220;the silent treatment&#8221;) you feel like you&#8217;re walking on eggshells &#8211; or a mine field. When you are given too much information (anger attacks or blaming), you are not given time to speak, defend yourself, ask for clearer information, or set boundaries.</p>
<p>Your right to feel is violated when he tells you what you&#8217;re feeling, what you&#8217;re about to do or how you&#8217;re going to react. He may make claims about how you &#8220;always overreact&#8221; or how you&#8217;re just being &#8220;emotional.&#8221; He&#8217;ll make emotional demands about what not to feel (&#8220;Don&#8217;t cry&#8221;) or what you shouldn&#8217;t feel.</p>
<p>Crazy-making situations really start to show when your right to impact is violated. This is when he denies (by ignoring you, by overriding your needs with his own, by refusing to meet your needs) that you have an impact on his life. We measure our existence by how much impact we have on others, both physically and emotionally. If you feel like you don&#8217;t matter to him (don&#8217;t have an impact), it&#8217;s like being told you don&#8217;t exist at all! He can make this worse by &#8220;thinging&#8221; or objectifying you. He may treat you like a piece of furniture, coming to you only when he has certain physical needs. He may also deny your impact on him by denying contact &#8211; in other words, anything you say about his faults will bounce off and come back as something to use against you.</p>
<p>The last way he may violate your rights is to deny your right to space. In many ways, this is your right to individual power &#8211; the thing he wants you to have very little or none of. He may violate your right to emotional, physical, time, or mental space by saying that you doing x violates his right to do y (thus painting you out to be the bad guy, every time). For example, your right to be alone in your office violates his right to come visit you. Your right to have friends and family over violates his right to privacy and quiet. And so on, and so on.</p>
<p>These are the four main ways a passive aggressive husband exerts his crazy-making control over his partner and other people. Looking at them as your rights helps to understand this behavior as abusive &#8211; a denial of your personal rights to sanity and respect. Which of these ways is your husband using against you? More than one? Maybe all?</p>
<p>We encourage you to explore our blog, videos, and discussions (under &#8220;Ask Nora&#8221; and &#8220;Your Voice&#8221;) to learn more about these abusive behaviors and how to defend yourself against them. But for immediate action and sanity-saving help, please visit Coach Nora, and <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">receive a free coaching session</a>.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<div class="neilauthor">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<p>I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.</p>
<p>We can begin by you having <a title="Get Started Now!" rel="nofollow" href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">a complimentary consultation (by clicking here)</a>, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!</p>
</div>
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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/break-silence-wall/' rel='bookmark' title='How to Break Through his Silence Wall'>How to Break Through his Silence Wall</a> <small>Understanding passive aggression is not as hard as it seems....</small></li>
<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-husband-denial/' rel='bookmark' title='Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?'>Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?</a> <small>Some of the hardest tasks in healing the passive aggressive...</small></li>
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		<title>Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-husband-denial/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-husband-denial/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:30:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Some of the hardest tasks in healing the passive aggressive man are dealing with his various ways of denying his own behavior. What are the ways a passive aggressive may deny his toxic behavior? There are four main kinds to discuss here: • Denial of Facts • Denial of Awareness • Denial of Responsibility • [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-husband-denial/">Is Your Passive Aggressive Husband in Denial?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/break-silence-wall/' rel='bookmark' title='How to Break Through his Silence Wall'>How to Break Through his Silence Wall</a> <small>Understanding passive aggression is not as hard as it seems....</small></li>
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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Some of the hardest tasks in healing the passive aggressive man are dealing with his various ways of denying his own behavior.</p>
<p>What are the ways a passive aggressive may deny his toxic behavior?</p>
<p>There are four main kinds to discuss here:</p>
<p>• Denial of Facts<br />
• Denial of Awareness<br />
• Denial of Responsibility<br />
• Denial of Impact</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Denial of facts: many passive aggressive people will try to rearrange or fabricate past events to suit their present situation. They may (when the two of you recount it later on) change what was said in a fight last week, so that you are now the one who comes out looking bad this time. Sometimes, a denial of facts will mean you hear this go-to response: &#8220;I didn&#8217;t say that. I didn&#8217;t do that. That never happened. I don&#8217;t know what you&#8217;re talking about.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Denial of awareness: this is the &#8220;poor me&#8221; or victim card. When confronted about their behavior, a passive aggressive may say, &#8220;Yes, I see that I did x, but it was because I care about you and want to make you happy&#8230; how come you aren&#8217;t happy with me buying a new TV for you?&#8221; In this way, he makes himself out to be the misunderstood victim, full of good intentions but with a demanding spouse like you.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Denial of responsibility: a passive aggressive person may deny he has any responsibility or obligation to watch what he says or does (much like a child). He refuses to believe seriously that there are grown up responsibilities of his role as husband and father&#8230;It&#8217;s exhausting for you to remind him over and over that he has 50% of responsibility for the marriage moral, emotional and financial upkeep.  This is also part of the power games that passive aggressive people play; denial of responsibility involves maintaining a facade of power and control while doing the less he can, so he has time and resources for his playful interests.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Denial of impact: a little similar to denial of facts, a denial of impact occurs when the passive aggressive insists that his behavior is not really harming any one. In this type of denial, it is the wife, the children, and the friends who are wrong/controlling/demanding/over-reacting. He will say that the wife is the one who is going crazy, that her depression is from some other source, (surely organic, genetic, etc)  and that perhaps <em>she </em>should be the one to see a therapist, not him.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Which leads us to one last point: even with these stages of denial revealed, what else is at work when a passive aggressive man denies having a serious problem and is in need of some deep changes in order to stay married? Why does he deny in the first place?</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">What we learn when we study passive aggressive behavior is that there is often a fear of shame involved when he thinks about admitting any kind of fault. As a child, the passive aggressive man would have been exposed to large doses of shame &#8211; either shame for his own mistakes, or seeing others shamed for theirs. The end result may have been public humiliation from peers, private abuse in the home, or other events that instilled in him a fear of making mistakes or looking &#8220;bad.&#8221;</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Ultimately, it is this fear that leads the passive aggressive man to deny that he has done anything wrong. It is this fear that leads him to say, &#8220;I don&#8217;t need therapy, you do.&#8221; The best way for him to avoid admitting a mistake (and thus, feeling shame) is to not only take attention off himself, but direct it at someone else.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">This is the passive aggressive&#8217;s tragic state of affairs &#8211; he is the person who most needs an affirmation of self-worth, but he is also the person who continually rids himself of the best chances of having help by persisting in behaviors so toxic as to risk losing the spouse&#8217;s love.</p>
<div class="neilauthor" style="text-align: justify;">
<div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today, by getting the ebook &#8220;The Art of Living with a <a href="http://www.passiveaggressivehusband.com/pa_husband/">Passive Aggressive Husband</a>&#8221; .</div>
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<p style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?</title>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2011 15:52:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[How does passive aggression kill the communication and love in a relationship? Wives of passive aggressive husbands share their stories. He has done a lot of the following behaviors to me: Saying he will do something and not doing it; Doing something half-assed, and then blaming me for attacking him when I confront him; Never [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggression-kills-communication/">How Does Passive Aggression Kill Communication?</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>How does passive aggression kill the communication and love in a relationship? Wives of passive aggressive husbands share their stories.</p>
<blockquote><p>He has done a lot of the following behaviors to me:</p>
<ul>
<li>Saying he will do something and not doing it;</li>
<li>Doing something half-assed, and then blaming me for attacking him when I confront him;</li>
<li>Never taking responsibility for things that go wrong;</li>
<li>Defiant against authority and social mores, always criticizing those who have power in church, government, at his job;</li>
<li>Gets back at people secretively &#8211; like shooting the neighbors car with a BB gun and then denying having done it;</li>
<li>Lying to save himself or avoid punishment;</li>
<li>Having an affair and saying it was caused by me not giving him affection.</li>
</ul>
<p>When I confront him about any of this, or god forbid confront him about being passive aggressive, he says I&#8217;m &#8220;out to make him wrong&#8221; (his hidden anger, from when his family would make him the scapegoat). And that&#8217;s where the conversation stops! If we&#8217;re unable to move beyond this communication wall, our relationship is going to end, and badly.</p>
<p>- Madeline</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>My husband and I have a lot of communication problems because of his passive aggression. He often forgets conversations we&#8217;ve had, denies they happened, or denies any fact from them that would make him wrong. I&#8217;ve taken to writing things down, repeating them verbatim, or printing email records to prove that I&#8217;m not as crazy as he says.</p>
<p>I feel like I can&#8217;t talk to him even then, because he&#8217;s continually passing judgement on what I&#8217;m thinking and doing at the moment, showing me that I don&#8217;t pass his evaluations and expectations.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s like a constant mental game of chess &#8211; I&#8217;m always on the defensive, while he thinks the opposite. Meanwhile, we shouldn&#8217;t be competing or playing games at all! Failure to communicate honestly and openly is breaking up our relationship.</p>
<p>- Eden</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>His passive aggression is making our lives hell. The simple things like saying &#8220;I&#8217;ll do this,&#8221; and then actually doing it, are lost. He uses his passive aggressive communication/language as a way to make me feel demanding (when he doesn&#8217;t do things he said he would) or abusive (confronting him about how many times he&#8217;s let me down).</p>
<p>He is bitter and jealous of anyone else&#8217;s achievements, and either criticizes them constantly or refuses to talk to them at all. He continually gripes about not being recognized for his hard work, when he&#8217;s not really putting in any more effort than I am.</p>
<p>He mumbles so I can&#8217;t tell whether he&#8217;s insulting me or others, and he&#8217;s distant, even when we&#8217;re in the same room.</p>
<p>Help me!</p>
<p>- Georgia</p></blockquote>
<p>What can you do to deal with this sad state of affairs? There are lots of resources here in this blog, as well as coaching available.</p>
<p>&nbsp;
<div class="neilauthor"><div id="attachment_61" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 135px"><img class="size-medium wp-image-61" title="Neil Warner" src="http://creativeconflicts.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/neil_w1.jpg" alt="Neil Warner" width="125" height="158" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Neil Warner</p></div></p>
<div style="text-align: left;">I&#8217;m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.  You don&#8217;t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today, offering you a coaching session to deal with hubby&#8217;s <a href="http://conflictcoach.me/services/getstartednow/">passive aggression</a>!.</div>
<p><a rel="me" href="http://technorati.com/claim/kuidap8nzv"></a></div>
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<li><a href='http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/silence-hurt-marriage/' rel='bookmark' title='His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!'>His Silence Can Hurt Your Marriage!</a> <small>When you have a fight with your spouse, you can...</small></li>
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		<title>Having A Passive Aggressive Valentine? Go Figure!</title>
		<link>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-valentine-figure/</link>
		<comments>http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-valentine-figure/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 09 Feb 2011 20:39:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Neil Warner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[assertiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impact of passive aggression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive definition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Passive Aggressive Husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive aggressive personality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[detachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disengaged feeling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional dependence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gift]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[passive resistance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[silence]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Everybody wants to have a happy Valentine’s Day with their loved one, and yet if you have marital problems, this seemingly simple aspiration seems to become a vast challenge, even a test. How could you have a good Valentine’s Day if your husband is often sulking and has a tendency to forget making plans or [...]<p><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/passive-aggressive-valentine-figure/">Having A Passive Aggressive Valentine? Go Figure!</a> is a post from: <a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com">Passive Aggressive Husband</a></p>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: justify;">
<p style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/corazoncito1.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-738" title="corazoncito" src="http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/corazoncito1-200x300.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="300" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">
<p style="text-align: justify;">Everybody wants to have a happy Valentine’s Day with their loved one, and yet if you have marital problems, this seemingly simple aspiration seems to become a vast challenge, even a test. How could you have a good Valentine’s Day if your husband is often sulking and has a tendency to forget making plans or get you a present for this particular day? You might even be ready for disappointment thinking that he will forget the day!</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You can still enjoy the day, and I don’t mean that you should go and get a massage for yourself and then have some lonely chocolate (although that would be a nice and well-deserved treat). You can use this opportunity to be the one romancing your husband, and giving him a pleasant surprise, for men often complain about how they are the ones supposed to do all the work around this occasion.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You can prepare his favorite meal or invite him to a restaurant. Make it a date and do not pressure him into being in charge. Tell him how nice and sharp he looks; remind him of the things you love about him and of one or two things he has done recently that you appreciate.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">You should be honest and affectionate with your comments, so that he feels recognized and appreciated. For the sake of the holiday and of the reasons why you are doing this (because you love your husband, because you want to have a good day, etc.) avoid criticizing him. Keep in mind that if you criticize him, he’ll feel attacked and will be likely to start deflecting blame via clamming up… do not let this happen because then you could start to get upset and if your temper gets the best of you, then an argument will ensue and two things will happen: one, that your husband will have “further proof” that you easily lose control and that it is you who is abusive, and two, that you will end up with exactly the bad memory of a Valentine’s day that you were seeking to avoid.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Remember that passive-aggressive people are not the most willing to apologize for their mistakes, so avoid this conundrum.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">It might seem like a lot to ask, but you could actually benefit from giving him a little something. Yes, a present. It does not have to be the newest, most expensive set of tools out in the market, but something simple and well thought-out. Here you are tapping into his desire to be recognized and the surprise value that it would have.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">Now, here is the most challenging part of this proposal… after all the work that organizing a date can represent, and particularly if you have difficulties with managing confrontations&#8230; you should not expect anything in exchange for the date. Detach yourself from any expectation.</p>
<p style="text-align: justify;">I can hear you groaning&#8230;.Why this part of the recommendation is here? Don&#8217;t you deserve some appreciation also? Because in this way you are freeing him to be himself, not forced by a compulsory tit for tat behavior&#8230;So you are giving him a chance to relax and let his guard down, perhaps even talk to you more openly. Wouldn’t that be a better Valentine’s gift than a bunch of soon-to-wither flowers?</p>
<div class="noraauthor"><img class="alignleft" src="/images/nora1.jpg" alt="Nora" />Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to <a href="http://conflictcoach.me">http://conflictcoach.me</a>.</div>
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