Some 78% of the responses expressed:

1. “Although no one should ever be given the cold shoulder, and I don’t agree with him giving it to me, I still want to know why he thinks I deserve it. Better yet, if I do something wrong and hurt him, I want him to simply come to me and say, ‘You hurt me.’ I would do everything in my power to right my wrong, if only I knew what it was.”

2. “I want there to be warmth in our relationship instead of this coldness that he’s created by turning me away. It would make me so happy to be able to say to each other, ‘Honey, I am upset because of this or that, but I still love you.’”

3. “I am allowed to express my feelings as long as they are in agreement with his. If they are not, I am isolated for them and given the cold shoulder. I want to feel that I am worth something to him, that I will never be ignored. I want to feel that I am part of a special institution – marriage – and not an orphan looking longingly through the window.”

In what other ways would you know that he would never turn his back on you?

• “I feel like I made a good choice when I married him. I can count on him for anything.”

• “He tries hard to keep a good mood and move on with the day, even if we run into a snag.”

• “I know that I am the last person on earth he would turn his back to.”

• “We have everything we need to be happy and comfortable. He would never jeopardize that by weakening our connection.”

• “When he’s upset, he never jumps to conclusions and blames me. We sit down together and talks things out until we find the real reasons.”

• “He makes me feel wanted and loved in a personal, intimate way.”

• “It would break his heart to know he had made me cry.”

I simply need his open heart, loving me.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be loved, included and helped by healthy confrontation when is needed…how are you going to find the warm support you need to face everyday’s life challenges? How are you going to challenge his isolating himself and giving you the cold shoulder, and educate him into proper and respectful communication that solves problems and expresses love and commitment at the same time?

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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Some 65% of the responses are:

1. “I would like to feel that when and if he starts sulking, it’s a momentary lapse. It’s normal to feel a little let down sometimes, but he needs to let it go, get back in the game, and resolve the issue like an adult.”

2. “Some honesty between us would be great. He could just tell me when something is truly bothering him, and if he needs his space, I would give it to him. Instead, my PA husband claims that “he is not sulking,” when he clearly is. Worse still, he blames me for causing his bad mood!”

3. “I wish he would feel secure enough in our relationship to know that he can not only communicate with me, and tell me what’s wrong, but that he can also let down his guard and let down his walls. I want him to know I’m here to support and comfort him, not undermine him. If my husband felt supported and happy, my family would be happy too.”

In what other ways would you know that he can calmly solve problems?

• “I don’t have to pretend things are fine just so he’s not offended.”

• “He acts his age and meets me on an adult level, even if he doesn’t get what he wants.”

• “When he has an issue with something in our relationship, he is calm and doesn’t make me feel like a criminal.”

• “He lets me know that my love and my support mean the world to him.”

• “When he’s sad or angry, I know I can bring a smile to his face and snap him out of it.”

• “He knows he can confide in me and trust me.”

• “He respects every member of our family, and never takes his anger out on them.”

I simply need a peaceful relationship.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be in a peaceful and nurturing relationship, to receive positive affection and encouraging support…how are you going to establish a peace zone in your life, where there is no sulking, no negativity and no love refusal? How are you going to provide yourself with this peaceful emotional area in a constant way?

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today! Begin now reading your copy of “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband” and recover your own happiness!

Again a sulking face? No more negativity! is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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We have here some 89% of the responses expressed dreams about:

1. “I would like to feel that he is silent because everything is right between us, and there’s no need to fill up space with words. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. Nothing is right.”

2. “I want an open and honest relationship. Instead, he sits around sulking, making me guess why he is feeling the way that he is. He should care enough to help make the relationship better, not degrade it.”

3. “After I express my feelings, I want to be shown respect and an urgency to resolve problems. Not be given the silent treatment, where he watches television, works, and does everything but talk to me. Those long silences make me feel like I’m married to a five year old.”

In what other ways would you know that the two of you share a connection?

• “If he can’t talk about it right now, he lets me know when he can get back to me.”

• “He never shuts down just because he doesn’t want to deal with the problem. He knows that would make me feel like I did something wrong.”

• “He doesn’t just sit there and think about things, he shares them as he’s thinking them.”

• “I don’t need a magic wand to make him talk to me, it just comes easily.”

• “Our behaviors mesh together well most of the time – when they don’t, we work it out.”

• “We work together even when the issues are difficult so that we maintain a productive relationship.”

• “No one suffers in silence alone. We openly share our deepest emotions and fears with each other.”

• “He appreciates my conversation and my company, no matter how simple it may be sometimes.”

I simply need to feel included.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to feel included, to have open communication based on reciprocal trust, and to be able to share and receive personal confidences from your husband, how are you going to send him the message that it is OK to talk about everything? How are you going to stand up and express your need to have a sensible and kind response from him?

Perhaps letting him know that sulking is not a mature response, using assertive language? Are you going to invite yourself to practice assertive phrases beginning with “I”, and following with a description of his behavior, and then closing with a description of the consequences?

“When you remain silent after I told you what worries me, I feel (abandoned) (rejected) (isolated?) and I have to accept that my worries are meaningless to you, so I my conclusion is that I should keep them to myself. Let me know if this is true, so I can take other choices.”

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today! Please, get your own copy of “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband” now, and begin your way back to happiness!

Are you Victim of Long, Empty Silences? is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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An overwhelming 92% of the responses expressed dreams consistent with the following wishes:

1. “I wish that he loved to hear what I had to say and that it was as important to him as it was to me. I would like to feel that all topics are open between us, and that if disagreements arose we could resolve them calmly, and head straight to the solution. If only he would stop ignoring or avoiding things by weaving a complicated, confusing web around the issue. When this happens, it creates one more conflict that will not be dealt with.”

2. “I have been married to a PA man for 46 years. Don’t gasp! After years of guilt, I finally found an explanation and came to terms with what I had been living with. I have learned to detach emotionally and physically and moved away from husband, which seems to have improved our relationship. Not many people realize how lonely it is being the wife of a PA husband, even though he’s such a “nice guy! My dreams of having a husband who loves, cherishes and protects me, never came about. I am realistic enough to love myself, and now I make the most of the positive things in my life. It is living one day at a time.”

3. I want to be freed from that feeling of, “What’s wrong with him now?” I want him to share with me what his needs, desires, and ideas are. He won’t (or can’t), and I can’t do it for him. Only he can.

4. In my heart and soul, I truly desire that we freely share all the possibilities of life, together. I know that I’m a wonderful person, but sometimes you need that encouragement, that validation, and that respect to come from your partner instead.

In what other ways would you know he is emotionally available?

· “I can be open, honest, and natural with my partner, and I know he will not think less of me if he knows who I really am.”

· “He acknowledges and listens attentively to my feelings and ideas.”

· “He lets me know that my feelings are just as important as his.”

· “I know I won’t be punished for bringing up certain things.”

· “I can be myself in my own home and can truly speak my mind, and so can he.”

· “There is such freedom of ideas between us that I feel like I am flying.”

· “We connect and care for each other on such a deep level that we can say what needs to said, and there is never any fear of retaliation, derision, or feeling foolish.”

I simply need to be myself.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be yourself, to accept and value yourself and do away with all the hidden negativity and criticism of the “walking on eggshells” behavior…how are you going to allow yourself to be the unique and valuable person you are? How are you going to detach from his critiques and appreciate who you are, first and only?

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.
You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today: Get your own copy of the passive aggressive husband ebook now! .

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Lost are the initial illusions of intimacy, support and warmth. You had to learn to survive in a battle field of empty promises, cold shoulders and general loneliness. The abandonment scenario has been there all the time, it’s only now that you get to really see it….

What are you going to do now? How can you reconcile this reality, the same you’ve been denying all these years, with your needs? And, even a deeper question pops up: how are you going to see your own history up until now, as one of wasted love or something else?

You are confronted now with a fork in the road. One side takes you to the usual path: deny the loneliness, the love starvation you have been up until now; the other fork of the road takes you in a new direction.

Are you going to begin to be true to yourself? Have you won the right to say your truth, no matter what happens? Stop walking on egg shells and say out loud: “this is too lonely for me, and I need something different?”

This point is really also a breakthrough for the marriage. If sometimes the spouse of a PA person puts up with a lot, and in the process developing a deep resentment never addressed, getting to the moment of truth frees you from this tacit contract.

You are not supposed to continue going along with the charade that his behavior is enough company, enough support, enough love. It’s the time to learn how not to be silent, how to be aggressive in the good sense, and begin asking for what you really need.

Being assertive means that you know your needs; know that what he gives you is not enough food four your heart and soul, and that you need this time a real satisfaction of your needs for connection, love and respect.

And the old way of yielding to his sour mood in order to please him, to only keep the peace? it’s gone with the wind; you can’t sustain that pretense any longer. Your own integrity is demanding that now, for the first time, you have to put your own needs first…and follow through.

It doesn’t matter if he gets furious; it doesn’t matter if he goes into a hostile silence that lasts six weeks…your own integrity demands now that you’d be coherent with yourself. If there is something you need to do to procure more company, recognition, or support outside of the marriage, now is the moment of reaching out to your friends and family, and change your past response of accommodating to his passive aggression to one of self-assertion.

And, what happens with our basic question: was your love for him a wasted love? Of course not! it was only your own process of getting to love yourself first, which took some time to develop.

How come? Let’s see….How often did you put up with his rejection, only to be able to continue believing that you were part of a couple? Your being accepting of his quirkiness, wasn’t it also your need not to be alone, and to avoid getting other person angry at you?

In life, the more we prostitute ourselves for acceptance, the less we are accepted; in comparison with the price you paid, there was never any real appreciation, any real acceptance. This is your lesson.

If and when you are back into the person you really are, you will see that the learnings are deep: from now on, you know what do you want in life; you are not afraid of expressing your needs, and you also know that, as you did your individual spiritual development, he has to do his own process…

Who knows what is inside him and needs to be expressed, instead of his constant sulking? Whatever it is, now it is only his business…This is not your business any longer!

You did your best, and learned your lesson…Now, can you take the new, not the old road and see where it takes you to? It could be pretty educational, and also fun!

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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Guess what? Here and there, we receive a letter from a husband, asking: what about my situation? Do you have any advice for the victim of a passive aggressive wife? Or my loneliness and suffering have to be ignored?

So, here is your initial response. More will come, of course, but this is the first take on this issue…how can you recognize a PA wife?

The main challenge to think about this question comes from traditional female education about being passive and obedient. Girls are still socialized in this way in many parts of the world; and being subservient and self-denying is accepted and encouraged. How can you be any more obedient? Or…how do you show your anger by being obedient, if being obedient is showing off how a “good wife” you are?

Well, you can be too obedient….you can kill any initiative from your side which risks making your husband feel not valued or appreciated. He will not have anything to complain about, or at the same time, anything to rejoice about!

One of the favorite arenas is the sexual arena. If the wife always waits for him to take the iniciative, is she being complacent or saying that she is not really interested? This question will appear in the mind of the husband, and after some time, he will begin to feel under appreciated.

Again, how do you denounce this? How do you complain about “perfect wife behavior,” taken to the extremes?

The few husbands already telling are describing a passivity that leaves all initiatives on their shoulders, a blank acceptance that smothers all enthusiasm and the impossibility to comment on relational issues with her without having a tantrum.

Perhaps we should think about the modalities of passive aggression used by a wife to express her anger without words. Perhaps you have other examples to share?

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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Are you getting the cold shoulder, and you don’t know why? Well, this is the classic passive aggressive situation: someone is angry at you, but you are not allowed to know why or what have you done to get the other person so angry….

Is someone who’s normally eager to speak to you now keeping your conversations to the bare minimum? This can be hurtful, frustrating, and confusing, and you need to do something fast. Otherwise, the anger provoking the cold shoulder will grow up into full blown resentment. This is a behavior like any other, and needs a response from you.

Here’s how to confront the person who’s ignoring you, without making things worse.

Rehearse what you’re going to say. It’s easy to get nervous and/or defensive, or to come off the wrong way, if you aren’t prepared. Close your eyes and imagine you’re alone with this person and say out loud what you want to say.

1. Begin by apologizing if you did something to offend or hurt the person, even if you’re not sure what it is. Say something like “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve done or said something that appeared as stupid to you.”

2. Tell them that you value his company. (E.g. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time and doing things with you.”)

3. Let him or her know that if something’s bothering them, you’re all ears.

4. If at this time they won’t share or discuss the reason, there’s not much else you can do. Just have the person confirm openly that he or she wants you to stop talking to them. If they say yes, they want you to leave them alone, then leave them alone. If they say no, or not really, or I’m not sure, then say something like “Well, what’s going on? Maybe we can figure something out together.”

5. If this action plan doesn’t work, you know that you have a fight in your hands! Your loved one is missing the basic interpersonal skills needed to confront, express his needs and negotiate a solution.

6. Instead, there is a very resentful child you are dealing with here, plotting on ways to get revenge by escalating into small sabotages.
Keep your eyes opened and ask: “I’d prefer that you tell me what is the situation that got you so angry. If you keep saying that it is nothing, and giving me the cold shoulder for more time, I will understand that you can’t express yourself and I will stop asking.”

7. Now, you need to convince yourself that the silence is his choice, that he is incapable to have a decent conversation with you and that just now you need to decide if you want to continue the relationship with someone who can’t share with you what his needs are.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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Probably you know already the multiple ways in which this passive aggression will rear its ugly face. Perhaps if we review some of them, we can begin to offer an strategy to understand how it happens and so reduce the damage. Let me count the ways…

We focus here on five destructive aspects of the relationship with your passive aggressive spouse:

1.- Mindset always focused on negative aspects of life:  Your husband believes that life is a miserable experience and there is no joy to be expected, so he finds always lots to complain about.

Other people, mostly you,   are to be blamed for his situation. He can do very little to change his world. Your positive suggestions will be ignored, because he needs to focus only on thoughts of disaster, misery and rejection.

TACTIC NUMBER 1: To balance this negative influence, keep a positive attitude, and remind yourself of the good things in your life you are grateful for. You have a choice: to be or not a victim of circumstances, and you’d prefer not to be a victim.

If you catch yourself diminishing your merits, then tell yourself to Stop! Do some breathing exercises and tell yourself how good you are at what you do.

 Keep your good friends around, so they can also remind you of your good qualities.

2) Behavior that makes you confuse.  As passive aggressive behavior is covered up with nice words and plausible excuses, you get confused often.

Your mind needs to make decisions while it is simultaneously receiving contradictory messages. He’ll describe his behavior as good intentioned, willing to help and support you, while at the same time he abandons all commitments at the first opportunity. Later he will give you a nice excuse and twist your brain another turn of the screw….

TACTIC NUMBER 2: Now you know where you are, because a healthy relationship would make you feel totally different. Look at your emotional pain as indicator of being in a relationship with a passive aggressive (PA) person. Your reality now is that another person is confusing and manipulating you! DO take your confusion seriously: go for a walk; do something alone; write in your diary; learn breathing exercises to calm your brain and heart; watch a positive romantic movie in TV; anything that fills you with mind clarity and peace is welcome! 

3) Behavior that attacks projects because you love them: be ready to defend your beloved projects: Anything that provokes your enthusiasm and excitement is a target for his attacks, in the form of negative opinions, criticism and put down comments. Know why? Because he will perceive, correctly, that your projects are using attention that is now allocated to him, and will fight back.

TACTIC NUMBER 3: Don’t show any need for support from a PA partner, at least at the start up. The more detached you can be, the more protected you become from manipulations that will eventually disappoint you.

So, you need to present your heart’s desires in a way that is detached from the emotions they produce in you.  If you can present the most exciting idea with a blank face, then you’ll likely to get what you want. Learn to control any visible emotional connection or desire, while you move ahead with your projects simultaneously.

4) Giving you the “Silent Treatment:”   Keeping hours and days of silence  towards you, is an expression of his anger or disapproval.  Are you getting the cold shoulder, but you don’t know the reason? Is someone who’s normally eager to speak to you now keeping your conversations to the bare minimum? This can be hurtful, frustrating, and confusing.

TACTIC NUMBER 4:   Asserting Yourself in a very serious way. If you can  remember that this is his choice of method to control you, then you can be safer.  You are not responsible for his behavior, he is deciding to be cold and distant and controlling. Again, detaching yourself, having your own projects and friends, will protect your core from the isolation forced unjustly on you. When you feel stronger, perhaps you would confront him, explaining the impact that this behavior has on you, and on the future of the relationship.

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1. After all this time together, your biggest frustrations are:

·         Not being able to trust him to share and do things together;

·         Not feeling ever supported, accepted, admired by him

·         Not having him take the lead as a responsible partner

2. If you are alone with yourself, your biggest fears are:

·         Being abandoned when you need sharing and loving support the most;

·         Being attacked because of your needs for companionship;

·         Being ridiculed or humiliated when more vulnerable.

3. And you know very well what causes you the most anger:

·         Being the sure target of his angry (never positive) comments;

·         Receiving cold shoulders, put downs and critiques in public;

·         Being always second or last in his interests list.

Do you find yourself dreaming  this picture in your mind,  when you desperately dream of a solution to the problem you are having:

• Being in a relationship with a dedicated, loving husband tuned to your needs and wishes as you focus on his;
• Being able to share concerns, be listened to with respect and getting a shared solution with him;
• Being able to rely on him without having to nag and pursue and harass him for solving day to day living issues.
• Trusting that he will never put you down in public, either in front of your friends or relatives or strangers, and always speaking of you with admiration and love…
• Trusting that he will not make you feel inferior by ignoring or sabotaging your good ideas and projects; or  stab you in the back by killing your projects without even discussing them with you.

IF THIS IS YOU, AND YOU SHARE THIS PICTURE, THEN: 

WE WELCOME YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS, IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS TO HELP OTHERS IDENTIFY AND FIGHT BACK PASSIVE AGGRESSION IN MARRIAGE.

Please, REGISTER HERE:

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