An overwhelming 92% of the responses expressed dreams consistent with the following wishes:

1. “I wish that he loved to hear what I had to say and that it was as important to him as it was to me. I would like to feel that all topics are open between us, and that if disagreements arose we could resolve them calmly, and head straight to the solution. If only he would stop ignoring or avoiding things by weaving a complicated, confusing web around the issue. When this happens, it creates one more conflict that will not be dealt with.”

2. “I have been married to a PA man for 46 years. Don’t gasp! After years of guilt, I finally found an explanation and came to terms with what I had been living with. I have learned to detach emotionally and physically and moved away from husband, which seems to have improved our relationship. Not many people realize how lonely it is being the wife of a PA husband, even though he’s such a “nice guy! My dreams of having a husband who loves, cherishes and protects me, never came about. I am realistic enough to love myself, and now I make the most of the positive things in my life. It is living one day at a time.”

3. I want to be freed from that feeling of, “What’s wrong with him now?” I want him to share with me what his needs, desires, and ideas are. He won’t (or can’t), and I can’t do it for him. Only he can.

4. In my heart and soul, I truly desire that we freely share all the possibilities of life, together. I know that I’m a wonderful person, but sometimes you need that encouragement, that validation, and that respect to come from your partner instead.

In what other ways would you know he is emotionally available?

· “I can be open, honest, and natural with my partner, and I know he will not think less of me if he knows who I really am.”

· “He acknowledges and listens attentively to my feelings and ideas.”

· “He lets me know that my feelings are just as important as his.”

· “I know I won’t be punished for bringing up certain things.”

· “I can be myself in my own home and can truly speak my mind, and so can he.”

· “There is such freedom of ideas between us that I feel like I am flying.”

· “We connect and care for each other on such a deep level that we can say what needs to said, and there is never any fear of retaliation, derision, or feeling foolish.”

I simply need to be myself.

NOW that you deeply acknowledge this need to be yourself, to accept and value yourself and do away with all the hidden negativity and criticism of the “walking on eggshells” behavior…how are you going to allow yourself to be the unique and valuable person you are? How are you going to detach from his critiques and appreciate who you are, first and only?

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion.
You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today: Get your own copy of the passive aggressive husband ebook now! .

How to Stop the Feeling of “Walking on Eggshells”? is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. How do you dream to have your emotional needs satisfied? Days ago, we invited you to answer a survey about...
2. Humiliated in public? this is what you need now! When I feel that “I’m Humiliated in Public,” the dream...
3. When your friends are attacked, how bad do you want to stop the attack? When I feel that “My Friends are Attacked,” the dream...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Some 84 % of the responses expressed dreams consistent with:

1. “I would like to feel that he is there to prevent injustice, not perpetuate it. It is a double standard, because he would never stand for any form of humiliation from me, and I would pay dearly for such a vicious act.”

2. “A long time ago, I criticized him in public, and he responded viciously in front of my friends. I could never forget that, but now he has a need to appear perfect and wants people to believe we have a perfect relationship, void of any disputes or problems. Most of the time, he has convinced even himself that this is indeed reality. So he treats me better than before…I dream that this behavior is for ever.”

3. “Just as he does not want his previous mistakes, foibles or insecurities tossed about for any one and every one to know, I would also prefer that mine are not available for public ridicule.”

In what other ways would you know that he is respecting you in public?

• “He is sensitive to my feelings and others’ (the observers) feelings as well.”
• “He delights in me and my personality, and does not ridicule me, even in my weakest moments.”
• “I can walk away from something embarassing and he lets me keep my pride.”
• “He praises me in public and acts as if he is honored to be with me.”
• “We use the golden rule and treat each other the way we want to be treated.”
• “His attitude shows that I’m protected and honored.
• “He shows that I’m sincerely loved and respected; so I’m happy and relaxed in public.”
• “I receive fairness and equality from the most important person in my life: him”

Now that we know what the dream is composed of, how could you get it?  By having a clear picture of what is the dream situation, you are doing a giant step ahead. Now that you know that respect and equality is what you wish for, how can you plan to obtain more of it?

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Humiliated in public? this is what you need now! is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. How do you dream to have your emotional needs satisfied? Days ago, we invited you to answer a survey about...
2. Why secrecy is part of passive aggression? One of the poster wrote this suggestion in our site:...
3. How to deal with a passive aggressive husband There is a slow progression in the process of realizing...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

If you decide that is impossible to be for ever watchful, and then give him your best shot at helping you (“I need the car with the full tank of gas tomorrow early, so I can go to this job interview, could you take care of it?”) only to discover that he “forgot to do it,” where that leaves you?

 Frustrated? Yes…
 Scared? Even more!

The first time you discover you can’t count on him solve a need for your very important project, a crack appears in your perception of the trust existent in your relationship. This is a sad discovery: “I can’t trust him.”

This is not easily forgotten. Every time you need to ask him for something be it trivial or important, a nagging question appears in your mind: will he do it in time? Or will I only get a silly excuse for his absence?

This is not easily denied. Now you need double guarantees, to ask and ask again about the fulfillment of the promise, about his delivery of whatever he promised. You are stuck in a no win situation, where, if he is really angry at you, he will play you at his will. You will get lots of stories, little confidence in what he says.

How can you go on? Now you have a double burden: decide if you are going to share the inevitable tasks of married life, (and having to do them anyway later) or doing them before hand and be done with them, and avoid this endless conversation about his duties. Whatever you do, it gives you the lingerig feeling that this is not the life you dreamed of.

Is there a way out? Proceed with caution, and be ready to hear outrageous accusation about being too controlling…

Here are the steps:

Ask for help: “I need you to take the car to the mechanics this week, before Friday 6:00 PM”
Confirm: “I will ask you no later than Wednesday night,”
Say what will happen: “I need you to tell me if you have a problem with this taks. If I don’t deliver my work Friday evening, we will lose the client.”
Alert him: “If you have a problem with this issue, it’s better to share it with me now, so we can make other plans”
Close the deal: “I need to know that I can trust you with this project, very important for me.”
Finally: keep in mind that you need to have also a Plan B, for if he fails to deliver at the last minute.

If things go well, you can praise him and show your happiness. If there is a non-delivery, then you go to Plan B without any warning or other conversation. Be fast, act in a sure way and don’t leave any possibility for him to imagine that his non-delivery will stop you from doing what you need to do.

After several repetitions of this dance, perhaps you can begin again saying: “Now that we both know that certain tasks need to be done regardless what we would like to do, and can’t be stopped, I would like to know if I can trust you with this new task…..”

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

How to trust his behaviors? is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband? In a very kind letter, Rosy said: “In my own...
2. Is loving your PA husband wasted love? After all those married years, one fine morning the view...
3. The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband Sometimes in life, decisions are not so clear cut. You...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Even when this suggestion can appear as preposterous, there is much wisdom in this approach. If you are really at your wit’s end, why not to try this?

The first step is to detach. You need to teach yourself to be detached,  able to see any behavior from your husband in an impersonal way, and to stop taking his faults personally,  (like avoid seeing his  dirty clothes on the floor as a personal affront, or a symbol of how he doesn’t care enough about you).

The second step is you should reward behavior you like and completely ignore behavior you don’t. This means not only stop nagging, but learn to block from your perception the behavior you don’t want.  You become more and more “blind” to that behavior…..and only see what you can appreciate.

If he is doing his usual passive aggressive routine, being silent and leaving you in a vacuum, don’t escalate into a full blown discussion. Don’t ask for a solution, don’t repeat your question, and don’t issue a deadline. Just go about your life, undisturbed.

In Amy’s words, “When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn’t respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away.”

In the next opportunity your husband is raising his voice, trashing things around and looking upset, you can try to say nothing, and keep doing what you are doing.

It can take a lot of discipline to maintain your calm, but it helps to think that his mood is probably not related to you. There are several sources of his discomfort, and usually you are not his problem….and if he insists on telling you that you are the problem, is because he is nervous. If you don’t escalate the fight, and try to stay calm, he will calm down.

This strategy is paired with constant recognition. Whatever positive action, even if it is bringing the groceries from the car to the kitchen, needs thanks from you.  If he is doing more, like doing grocery shopping alone, you can even give him a kiss.

All this strategy applies also the concept that whatever you focus on, it tends to take center stage: if you focus on a negative trait of your partner, like his tendency to be late for appointments and dates, then this trait will become prevalent and it will negate the perception of other positive traits that attracted you to him before.

Of course, it’s difficult to find aspects to praise when you are upset and dissapointed with your partner, but this can be a new way to frame the relationship and take you out of a dissapointing rut.

Here are some extra ideas that you can consider:

1. Every time you need to ask him about some changes needed, begin recollecting the good things done;
2. Try to find a positive thing to comment on daily;
3. Don’t you dare to mention his negative aspects without talking about how good the positive ones are, first.
4. If the results are awful, you can always praise his good intention;
5. Be very creative and find unexpected aspects to praise: a busy person that accomplishes everything could be praised for her constant smile, or his good disposition even along the busiest day;
6. Don’t be mean, don’t link praise with immediate critique: “you did well, but forgot this part.” In this case, the “but” will cancel the praise.

Apply this techniques for a while and you will see a change in the quality of your relationship, having more trust, and pleasure in the mutual company.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Tips to manage difficult husband’s behaviors is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. How to trust his behaviors? Balancing trust with self-preservation is a very difficult balancing act….If...
2. How to deal with a passive aggressive husband There is a slow progression in the process of realizing...
3. How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband? In a very kind letter, Rosy said: “In my own...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

If having someone at my side:

• He will not make the rules – tell me what I do, where I can go, decide by himself who spends the money and what it’s spent on.

If accepting someone’s love, this love will not be:

• Conditioning approval and love to my doing exactly what he wants;
• Always right while I’m presented as always wrong;
• Forcing me to accept his sense of humor as right and my answers as “merely too sensitive.”
• Controlling me with his disapproval, name-calling, demeaning putdowns, blame and guilt.
• Blaming me if he is angry on his own life.

And if I’m so nice as to accept, value and respect him, I don’t want to be under the illusion that because I love him and I’m nice to him, he will change and control himself.

This will only confirm him that he can get away with the crime of controlling and abusing me. If I want to keep the peace, I will have to be strong, let him know of my limits and say STOP! when he is hurting our relationship and me….

When my new life begins in 2012, I will stop making excuses for his behavior and have the courage to say STOP! every time my personal integrity is pushed around.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

When my new life begins in 2010, I want…” is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. Is loving your PA husband wasted love? After all those married years, one fine morning the view...
2. How to trust his behaviors? Balancing trust with self-preservation is a very difficult balancing act….If...
3. How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband? In a very kind letter, Rosy said: “In my own...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

“My Husband and I can barely have a discussion about anything without us getting thoroughly annoyed with each other (subject matter can be anything from the most mundane to the most sophisticated) because we are both hurting and feeling unloved and unfufilled by the other….so there’s not much of an effort to really engage. Or interest, or excitement about the other person’s ideas or feelings anymore.

The bad communication, constant traveling, blame blame blame and hurt hurt hurt followed by silence silence silence and loneliness loneliness loneliness all happened first and then you add that to a passive aggressive type A constantly working business man who is blameless and always focusing on “facts and data” vs. emotions and feelings….and you get to this place.”

We need to be talking first about the shared responsibility to keep communication alive in a marriage.
To avoid getting to this place, women usually try to ask, demand, invite and cajole husbands into “better communication.” They even make appointments with counselors and therapists and priests to get help.

The more they press for communication that includes reference to feelings (husband’s feelings) the more he is in alien terrotory and more and more distraught by the request. Isn’t it enough to bring home the bacon? what else does she want, that he can’t or will not provide by his own will?

Of course, the usual response is more silence, more isolation and more defensive talk about how she is pushing him or forcing him to something that:

• Is not his responsibility.
• It is obviously in her sphere of action (the feelings talk).

So, why is he forced to say things he doesn’t feel/know/care about? Is better to clam up, and wait for the storm to pas! Or, if he is forced, he will promise anything, only to get her off her case. End of story!

Finally, they can be truly bewildered at how frustrated the wife gets with them.
They say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no’, or ‘Sure! No problem! ‘ to even a benign request so that she moves on thinking it is all good …..but habitually they don’t do what they agreed to. Because they never meant to go through, but wanted to end a demanding conversation, and the only way perceived to end it is agreeing verbally, and forgetting everything about the promise afterwords.

Or perhaps, only perhaps they could be hurt when confronted with the unfulfilled promise, because they were still thinking about getting to do what they promised, but procrastinated so long that they either became irritated about it hanging over their head, becoming angry at you because you requested something, or react to your frustration by eventually making such a useless attempt at it that you wonder why you ask them at all.

If confronted with their intentional non-compliance, and the sad result of their efforts that doesn’t solve the original problem, they will bemoan bitterly that “you’re so demanding or impossible” and that “nothing is ever good enough for you.”

An impossible trap?

Of course it is! when are wives going to learn the lessons and stop requesting cooperation to do some domestic tasks, if they realize that they will get nothing in return? The final point is, let’s be aware that we are looking at a battle in the war for control. The passive aggressive person is fighting a hidden war for “who controls this relationship,” by using his own tactics, of which she is unaware of. Perhaps framing this as a fight for control could help understand such a destructive behavior.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Passive Aggressive Non-Communication Battles is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

Related posts:

1. Tired of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband? You can spend years thinking only that your husband is...
2. Cold Shoulder: how to react? What is the behavior we call getting or giving the...
3. How to trust his behaviors? Balancing trust with self-preservation is a very difficult balancing act….If...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.