After doing a lot of online research, and having strong arguments with yourself, you had arrived to some unwanted conclusion, and it’s not pretty. Is it true? do you have to accept that you have a passive aggressive husband? Oh my!

And then, as you become more and more aware of being in a passive aggressive marriage, fast questions pop up in your mind: what can I do now? what is the first thing I need to do? It really can be daunting at first!

Your first job now is to look for and find places where the boundaries are fuzzy and you feel as if you don’t have a clear idea of who you are….Did you keep some diaries from before marriage? Perhaps reading them you’d be surprised to see how many goals and purposes you had for your own life! Look around now and see how many of those goals are part of your life…..it can be pretty discouraging to observe that your present life does not resemble anything you’ve planned for….and instead you are engaged in a daily battle for control.

If the point is that you see that there are some plans to do things with him but almost little accomplished, look back into your previous self, and ask: who is the person I wanted to be before? and: how can I claim some of these goals for me now? Keep those goals at hand, write them in a paper that you can see frequently so you can remind yourself of the person you really are.

If you now are captive trying to make him deliver something that is a necessary step for both of you, be aware of his behavior and don’t allow him to cause you a lot of inconvenience with procrastinating.

When he is causing delays in a situation that requires some action, detach from the feeling of urgency, learn to play dead and use a tranquil tone of voice to ask him upfront: “what would you like to do about this?”

Don’t take over and take responsibility for his lack of action; do your part and be clear that is not your role in marriage to cover for his lack of participation….

As a corollary of disengaging and putting him in control, don’t allow him to make you feel guilty for his inaction!

I’m not sure just how excited you can get about this way of thinking, in my opinion you can interact with him and have some good times, as long as you set some boundaries for yourself and know when to save your emotional energy from engaging in his passive resistance.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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