Looking at the link between late divorce and passive aggression
There are two pieces of information I’m connecting. Many times, when one of our readers decide to leave the site, she offers her answer to the “Why are you leaving this site?” question.
And the answer is…”I left him…” or “I finally divorced.” Having known the women posting in our blog, I know that she is past her fifties, even in her sixties. This is part of what now is called “late divorce,” when the parties separate after a long marriage, of more than 30 years.
If you read over and over again the postings on our blog you can watch each person’s deep anguish, and hear the same questions again…
It goes back to: Why are not my own needs taken care of in this marriage? And this question repeats over and over again.
How to acknowledge women’s needs? how to solve them with dignity and care?
There is perhaps a tendency in women now above their fifties to have received an education centered on dedication to others, self-abnegation and waiting for things to improve…
Are we perhaps the products of a generation that refused to accept and defend the fact that women have their own needs?
They have been denied and covered for so long, in the hope they would become extinct, that now is quite a surprise to realize the needs for love and connection never died, or went underground or got forgotten.
Our needs for real companionship, for tender love and real skin to skin touch are here, as ever. How could we think that they would be postponed and whiter away? Who told us that it was possible to wait and wait without starving? This looks like a generation of women starved of the real nurturing of intense, real, person to person connections, necessary to live life to the fullest.
The problem is that women have waited for too long the love never delivered as promised, and now they believe it is impossible to find satisfaction to those old needs.
With the perception that our constant frustration was accepted as the normal state of affairs, the rage appears against such unnecessary and useless frustration.
Why are those people leaving old marriages? Why now and not before? Perhaps there is one answer:
Basically because the end of the line is here; and you decided not to wait any more. Does he want to continue offering this complete absence of emotional connection as always? it’s no more acceptable.
There is a going back to the dignity of being single, of not keeping up with a facade of a marriage where there is not the basic sexual communication to guarantee a minimum of love…
This group of women, starved of good loving communication and good sex, prefers to live alone, and so stop the pretense of companionship where there is only solitude.
Being in the truth, finally, brings a healthy sense of self-respect. And we have a real story for you to read on…here!