How to Be Happy Regardless Any Emotional Abuse

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How to Be Happy Regardless Any Emotional Abuse

I don’t believe in blaming the abuse victim and at the same time I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that we are all somehow responsible for our own happiness. This does not mean we are to blame for all the unhappiness and pain in our lives; bad things happen and other people can hurt us for any reason and no reason.

But in life, the main challenge is that we are responsible for making our own happiness in spite of those things or even because of them

If you have associated happiness with the duplication of your childhood home conditions, then probably you would be busy taking the trouble of replicating them, regardless if they made you happy or unhappy. I know many women still fixated in finding their father’s duplicate in every man they can find… and afterwords, they keep complaining about the unhappiness that such a relationship brought to them.

If you know that being cared for and respected by your partner is important part of your happiness, be sure that you respect and care for yourself and your own projects first. Whatever makes you happy has to be valued. cared for and included in your life plan, either being single or married. When married to a passive aggressive person, frequently you see the best parts of you ignored or abandoned, so it is clear for you the parts that he ignores are the ones important for your personal growth!

And what is important for you has to be important for any partner you can select: don’t accept again that your spouse rejects or ignores an important part of you. It is the equivalent to rejecting a piece of you, so don’t agree of dumping this hobby or that craft of yours only because he tells you it’s worthless.

Take stock of what you are looking for to make yourself happy—my friend always falls for only a bit of the whole person she wants to be in a relationship with, (“he is a good provider”) then most of her real values are ignored. How far do you think she can go in the relationship before feeling not appreciated and valued herself?

Whatever the kind of emotional abuse suffered, we need to remember that the basic task of life: to accept and love oneself is still to be done.

We are responsible for a life project that is uniquely ours, non transferable and demanding to be finish…sometimes is clear to see that some women tend to accept the pain of an abusive relationship as a screen that covers up their self-abandonment.

Only when we recover the path to self-development, and we become responsible for our own happiness, we empower ourselves. Our true self, the person we are that has a life mission to accomplish, can now grow up, be mature and independent and able to enter only into relationships chosen because they have what we give ourselves: respect.

Then, perhaps we can understand that the emotional abuse suffered was the necessary call to wake us up, force us to reconsider which kind of relationships we need and deserve, better to observe what kind of relationship we have with ourselves, and focus on this inner truth.

Releasing the emotional abuse from its negative frame and valuing it as a valuable tool for self-development is a bright way of making a painful situation serve us in our life purpose.

About Nora Femenia

Nora Femenia, Ph.D, is the CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions and the author of the book: "The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband," a field guide for women that have to deal with passive aggression in their partners. Nora also posts regularly on her blog Creative Conflicts. Visit her blog and join the community to discuss issues related to Conflicts, Relationships and receive also Free her book “Breaking Free From The Silent Treatment.” You are warmly welcomed here, because we care for your happiness!

Comments

  1. This article says it all…..I have nothing to add!

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