Comments on: He says what I want to hear, but does what he wants to do http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/hear/ Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:33:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: OpheliaW http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/hear/comment-page-1/#comment-53 OpheliaW Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:41:56 +0000 http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/?p=226#comment-53 I've known him since I was 15, and since then I've been aware of his behaviour.We have two kids, now in their teens. I'm 34 now, slowly and painfully finding my own feet in this marriage. While at times I was really believing that he was making progress and becoming more communicative and less sneaky, it has dawned on me and has become increasingly obvious that he has simply changed the behaviours I had confronted, to more insidious ones. He developed other ways of manipulating me which are more difficult for me to confront. This has resulted in me being continually confused and scared of him, to the point I no longer know what is real any more. I tried to leave him, and asked him for a divorce, and he was able to turn the whole thing back on me, making me feel guilty of everything negative in our marriage; threatened to tell his truth to the kids so they would end up hating me, and finally ended up saying the he couldn't live without me. After I being so despicable, according to his description, he loves me? and says that nobody else will love me as he does? I was so confused that finally relented and decided to stay with him; nothing has changed, but he is enjoying my depression and confusion! acts as if nothing happened and he has to take care of a poor confused wife, which is me! I still know that I should be wishing to be alone, without him, but scares me the fact that I can't think clearly now. I end up not knowing what I really want! If I want out, perhaps I don't have the energy to carve out a new life for me... I'm resigned to accept that he is as he is, I will not hope for any change....being as he is, I can't have any trust in what he says, because I know that he is confusing me on purpose... he can make everything sound so reasonable from his point of view, that I end up rejecting my own ideas all the time. Perhaps if he sometimes could hit me, I would get the picture better...He has never hit me, although sometimes it would be better for my brain if he did. I still think that he is doing a terrible control grab on my life, and my brain and my feelings. I will end up not knowing what or who I am.... I’ve known him since I was 15, and since then I’ve been aware of his behaviour.We have two kids, now in their teens. I’m 34 now, slowly and painfully finding my own feet in this marriage.
While at times I was really believing that he was making progress and becoming more communicative and less sneaky, it has dawned on me and has become increasingly obvious that he has simply changed the behaviours I had confronted, to more insidious ones.

He developed other ways of manipulating me which are more difficult for me to confront. This has resulted in me being continually confused and scared of him, to the point I no longer know what is real any more.

I tried to leave him, and asked him for a divorce, and he was able to turn the whole thing back on me, making me feel guilty of everything negative in our marriage; threatened to tell his truth to the kids so they would end up hating me, and finally ended up saying the he couldn’t live without me. After I being so despicable, according to his description, he loves me? and says that nobody else will love me as he does?
I was so confused that finally relented and decided to stay with him; nothing has changed, but he is enjoying my depression and confusion! acts as if nothing happened and he has to take care of a poor confused wife, which is me!
I still know that I should be wishing to be alone, without him, but scares me the fact that I can’t think clearly now. I end up not knowing what I really want!
If I want out, perhaps I don’t have the energy to carve out a new life for me…
I’m resigned to accept that he is as he is, I will not hope for any change….being as he is, I can’t have any trust in what he says, because I know that he is confusing me on purpose… he can make everything sound so reasonable from his point of view, that I end up rejecting my own ideas all the time.

Perhaps if he sometimes could hit me, I would get the picture better…He has never hit me, although sometimes it would be better for my brain if he did. I still think that he is doing a terrible control grab on my life, and my brain and my feelings. I will end up not knowing what or who I am….

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