80% of men prefer to “clam up” and not share their personal thoughts with loved ones, in order to avoid feeling vulnerable, rejected or criticized. This is according to a survey recently conducted by Creative Conflict Resolutions.

Creative Conflict Resolutions tested more than 900 men by using an online questionnaire, in order to determine the presence of passive aggressive behavior in each test-taker. This test has twenty-one questions about the way people approach communication and emotional issues in their relationship, and it is still available for free at their site, Passive Aggressive Test.

Their findings show that among passive aggressive men, and sometimes even with otherwise emotionally healthy men, there is an insistent urge to hide true feelings and opinions.

This leads to the confusing situation that many couples face during a passive aggressive relationship. The passive aggressive person makes promises, agrees, and otherwise goes along with his partner to avoid feeling vulnerable – but then doesn’t deliver, because they never really meant to. Their partners feel frustrated by this contradictory behavior, and confront the promise-breaker with this fateful message: “I think you might be passive aggressive.”

The result? A vicious cycle where the passive aggressive person retreats more, clams up more, trying to fly under their partner’s emotional needs radar. It turns into a situation of extreme isolation and growing lack of trust, which can end the marriage.

Another interesting statistic? 68% of the men tested said they found some satisfaction in being called out; they felt that had gotten “revenge” by breaking a promise to someone who deserved to be let down. Why the revenge? This is the core of the Creative Conflicts proposal: to find the heart of the passive aggressive person’s hurt, which prompts him to take revenge against people who are only looking for a deeper connection.

Creative Conflicts wants to share this information with both the passive aggressive man and his partner, addressing both the causes and the effects of passive aggressive behavior. “The partner of a passive aggressive person can spend the best 20-30 years of their life trying to decode this maddening double message, all while being accused of thinking crazy thoughts and be overly needy when the subject is brought up.

After analyzing the results and the implications thereof, Creative Conflicts created a new set of tools for the passive aggressive husband, to complement the tools they already offer for his unsuspecting partner. With their survey, Creative Conflicts gained greater perspective on the mindset of the passive aggressive man and where his emotional needs lie. Their tools outline the path and steps a passive aggressive man needs to take in order to heal his emotional disconnection and his sending double messages. Creative Conflicts’ new system is ready for their clients, and has already met with success. It can be found at Passive Aggressive System.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with Conflict Coach, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

 

80% of Men Feel They Have No Responsibility to Be Open With Loved Ones is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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More than 68% of men prefer to say “yes” and back down to avoid confrontation, according to a survey recently conducted by Creative Conflict Resolutions.

Creative Conflict Resolutions tested more than 900 men by using an online questionnaire, in order to determine the presence of passive aggressive behavior in each test-taker. This test has twenty-one questions about the way people approach communication and conflict in their relationship, and it is still available for free at their site, Passive Aggressive Test.

Using their findings, Creative Conflicts began to construct a map of the game of life, according to the passive aggressive mindset. The mindset demands “going along” with others by pretending to accept their requests and needs. In this way, the basic incompetence of the passive aggressive person to feel empathy is successfully masked. Essentially, what is produced is a “make believe role play,” where the passive aggressive person feels they are required to mask their own feelings and play a part in order to receive any sort of love.

Creative Conflicts wants those findings to be shared with the thousands of couples struggling with passive aggression. The partner of a passive aggressive person can spend the best 20-30 years of their life trying to decode this maddening double message. Meanwhile, in trying to decode it, the innocent partner can be accused of being crazy, aggressive and overly demanding.

This reveals why Creative Conflicts used their results in the way that they did: they created a new set of tools for the passive aggressive husband. With their survey, Creative Conflicts gained greater perspective on the mindset of the passive aggressive man and where his emotional needs lie. To change this situation, the system Creative Conflicts has created offers a road map that helps the passive aggressive person own his lack of empathy and the need to fake commitment, exchanging them for real emotional bonding. Creative Conflicts’ new system is ready for their clients, and has already met with success. It can be found at Passive Aggressive System.

68% of Men Prefer to Retreat and Say “Yes” To Avoid Fighting is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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It was really surprising for us to begin receiving letters from the wives, just telling about their experience taking the test! Yes, they are taking the test in place of their husbands…using his very frequent responses she can play the game of being him for the test and finish it. And receive the answer…

Why are they doing this? Because they need answers! What we find now is that receiving this answer can be very liberating…today, some wife wrote about:“My epiphany day!” Hear her words:

“Actually, I just did the test, in the way that i see my husband. Been married nearly 38 years. I’ve been reading on your site, and what a HUGE revelation. I’ve always seen him as passive aggressive, even though i really didn’t know the definitive meaning of that word; but just the sounds of it, fits him.

I’ve always seen him as Mr. sabotager; did a lot of reading today..OMG…it hasn’t been my imagination; it explains almost everything. In so many ways, I have seen that I married a man who is still emotionally a child.

But I have figured out enough, finally, that this is not because of me; this is his problem; I was always told that everything is my problem and that I’m ungrateful…on and on the story goes.

But reading the test results today, it feels like the veil has been lifted from my eyes; mainly that there really is a name for this behavior…”

So, you are using the test as a tool to validate your own perceptions! And in this process, you are having what this reader shared with us in her letter: a GLORIOUS, REVEALING “EPIPHANY DAY”!

What are the three products of this epiphany?

• You are out of the brain fog;
• You stop blaming yourself;
• You recover your own mind!

And, last but not least, now you can recover your own power: the power of your ideas: the power of thinking clearly and trust your brain again.

NOW: having an epiphany is good, but it’s frightening if you don’t know whatever you are going to do with this insight:

• You could use this information to kick the table off;
• You could use this new info as a permission to fight back;
• Or you could use this power to redefine the rules of the game.

NOW WHAT? women in the situation like you are in, are probably looking for guidance for their next step. Where to leads the road ahead…?

Is it true that you need help to be able to see the next steps? Or perhaps what you only needed was having some external tool to clarify your mind, recover your power of planning your own life and now you can continue your path by yourself?

We will be waiting for your answers…meanwhile, you too can take the test, use what you know about your husband’s motivations to do what he usually does when answering the questions, and get the response you need so much. Go ahead, take the passive aggressive test….we will be waiting for you here!

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult, angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with Conflict Coach, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

 

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But now, we have created a system that does exactly that. Want a peek?

If you think that this approach can help your marriage, would you suggest to your husband that he start this process? Taking the Passive Aggressive Test is easy and free! After he takes the test, there will be no more confusions: you will know what the next steps are!

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Many researchers (whether of the brain, psychology or communication and conflict) will agree that when we communicate with others, we are attempting to connect with those people on some deeper emotional level.

This is true of a hurled insult as well as a warm hug.

That means that when you are fighting, say, over which way is best to punish your children for misbehavior, you are not just fighting to establish house rules. As hard as it may be to wrap your head around, your brain is also trying to renew some feeling of being connected – essentially, you are able to fight with each other because you are emotionally close enough to do so.

In that case, wouldn’t you say that an angry connection is better than the indifference and lack of connection between strangers? Which association would you rather have with your partner?

We know – you’re thinking to yourself, “What about the really serious fights?” Thinking about fighting as a means of connecting can help you here, as well. Usually, after a serious fight, you fall into despair about the future of the relationship, right? Everybody does. However, thinking of a serious fight as our brains searching for intimate connection can help us override that sense that “fighting equals division.” If you begin to think about fighting in this negative way, the relationship can suffer even more – each of you avoid raising issues that will cause conflict, inhibiting any possible growth.

Thus, a healthy relationship can sometimes be linked by anger as well as love – both are normal ways the brain seeks connection. It’s the way we’re designed to work and interact with one another.

In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Susan Johnson (a research expert on intimacy) states that it makes sense scientifically that couples fight over silly things. Beneath the content of what partners say to one another in fights, each wants to be assured of their value in relation to the other, essentially asking basic questions like, “Will you be there for me?”

What happens when one of the partners has learned to do passive aggression since childhood? It becomes a weapon of sabotage – by “defending” against and “avoiding” both anger and love, the passive aggressive person refuses to answer those questions his partner is asking. Given his inability to feel a deep connection with anyone, because of his childhood trauma, he can’t connect with others or feel others’ need for connection.

His partner can escalate the search for a positive response by continuing the fight, but the passive aggressive husband will retreat more and more until finally abandoning the interaction. He will say his partner is “full of anger” or “making all this drama,”  or whatever reasons he can give himself to cover up the fact that he can’t feel any compassion for her distress; he can’t offer any assurance that he is there, and that he is connected. He will do the opposite behavior: either leave, clam up or express disgust for the other person’s needs.

Sadly there is no way to nurture the abandoned partner when this passive aggression happens. Some wives call it “the wall of silence,” referring their communal sensation of knocking at a wall without any emotional response. The perception of being let down and ignored in their need for reassurance is difficult to avoid.

Because we can see fighting as the intent to make the other person pay attention to us, and to make them answer the question, “Are you connected with me?” we can also see passive aggression as making a mockery of this intent. The husband will retreat and he will never confirm that he understands the deep need for connection motivating the confrontation; he  will end up blaming the other side in her desperation as “aggressive” and “out of control.” The need of the brain to experience the security of connection will be frustrated.

Fighting is a way of making the other person pay attention to us; it is a weird form of re-connecting. If your ability to re-connect with your partner, via fighting or loving, is being thwarted by passive aggression, the very life of the relationship is being threatened. That is why, if your relationship is important and something you want to strive to keep alive, it is important that you work toward stopping passive aggression in the marriage NOW.

If you are not clear where this healing of the relationship would start, we have many resources for you to begin with:

• A Passive Aggressive System specifically designed for the passive aggressive husband himself.
• A coaching session with Coach Nora to assess your options.
• “Recovering From Passive Aggression,” and “The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband,” two books specifically for women married to passive aggressive men.
• A Passive Aggressive Test for men to determine if they are using passive aggression in their interactions.

Don’t wait a minute longer for things to “just get better.” All relationships require effort, both on your side and his. That is why we often suggest that you take advantage of both the resources for you, and the resources for your husband.

Passive Aggression Means We Can’t Fight to Connect is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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In a relationship, because we see our partner as someone we “choose,” we expect them to give us all the attention we crave. This is contrasted to relatives who are given to us, not chosen, and who don’t always give us the support we need.

All humans are self-esteem machines – like expensive cars, we run best on steady doses of high-grade appreciation. That is the only way we can develop our true capabilities. What is more surprising in passive aggressive behaviors is that they produce unexpected effects: they dry the provision of appreciation to the other, yet still expect it in return. Husbands, is this you? Are you expecting your wife to give you the support you need, without giving her the sustenance she needs to survive and feel happy?

In a passive aggressive relationship, nothing is provided for the other person to feel valued, appreciated or even seen. This is the most maddening of the consequences of PA behavior. Even when the passive aggressive is doing this because of his defense mechanisms (doesn’t want to connect for fear of rejection; because imagines he will be rejected), he ends being the main source of rejection for his spouse. It’s as if his brain is saying, “It’s okay to do it to you, if that’s what it takes so that you don’t do it to me”!

Husbands, in order for this appreciation business to work, you need to go beyond only thinking and move on to doing something.

• You need to say the words: “I like it very much when you wear this dress, because…”

• You need to express your gratitude: “When you are there to keep the house running even when I can’t help you, I feel so supported and grateful…”

• You need to do things for the other: “Let me do this heavy task for you…”;
  “I just put gas in your car, so you don’t have to wake up earlier tomorrow”;
  “All the bills have been paid, so one thing less to worry about for you…”

So here is the formula, in case you are inclined to try the easy way to stopping your passive aggressive resistance.

Find something positive in the other person, and find a word to describe it:

• When you ______ (take the dog out, are beside me at my dad’s funeral, took care of driving when I was sick)
• I feel ________ (grateful, supported, relieved)
• Because _________ (having you in my life makes it so much better).

Once you find the formula, you always have choices about how to do it in a way that you’re comfortable with:

• You can say that in person;
• You can write a short phone message;
• You can tell her that in a phone conversation

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with Conflict Coach, with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

 

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Why does a passive aggressive husband behave the way that he does? What brings him to cause you and your family pain, yet still claim he loves you?

Even when there is proof that says otherwise, we tend to assume that people who hurt us do it on purpose. This is especially true in a passive aggressive relationship, where it can be hard to listen to the experts who say “Don’t take it personally.” However, research into the ties between childhood and adulthood are helping us understand the complex emotions at play within the passive aggressive person’s mind.

More often than not, a passive aggressive person behaves as he does simply because it is the only response he has available. But, contrary to what you might think, he’s not weighing the options and thinking, “Yes, this is the only thing I can do.” His unconscious brain is the one doing that for him, taking cues from lessons in childhood.

What kind of lessons are we talking about? They’re usually lessons learned by force. A look into your husband’s past would reveal some deep emotional wound (abuse, neglect, humiliation). The wound went unresolved (and perhaps festered) until it ended in a traumatic separation from some essential attachment (to a father, mother or both).

After that major trauma and detachment from love/connection, your husband’s emotional growth all but stopped. He is now frozen in time, dealing with you and every other person in the same way he did as a child, because emotionally, he is still a child.

The child inside your husband creates protective barriers to insulate himself from the people who he can’t trust. The problem is, as a child, he cannot discern what is a threat and what isn’t. That is why you are often shut out along with everyone else. The ironic twist is that this child also craves attention – thus the “dual personality” that wives often notice, where the husband seems to be both charming and attractive, uncaring and abrasive, needing love and rejecting it at the same time…

But now that you realize the strange duality in your husband, what can you do with that information? Often, frustrated families will tell each other (through their tears) that you should just run, get away from this person. If it’s true that if the roots of this behavior are largely misunderstood even by the PA himself, couldn’t they be misunderstood by those fleeing families, as well? The most beneficial thing for the family could be to stay together and avoid severing ties with each other, which can emotionally hurt all involved. In order to stay together, families need to both learn more about the causes of PA, as well as the defenses against it and ways of disengaging (rather than reinforcing).

In the end, a PA husband’s behavior will not change unless he unlearns the subconscious lessons that are controlling him now. He has to help his inner child grow up and feel safe doing so. Families can help by knowing what to expect from a PA and why to expect it, but their greatest task will be leading the PA to help and heal himself.

Is your family in danger of separating because of your husband’s passive aggression? You can avoid the emotional scars of severance by helping your PA find solutions to his dysfunctional behavior. Choose a resource that speaks to him directly and encourages him to analyze his own behavior and past. Such a resource can be found here, at Passive Aggressive System.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

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Now, we have an answer to that difficult question. We’ve listened to you, researched literature and the last published studies, and have compiled our findings. The results? The “Six-Step System to Stop Your Passive Aggression and Save Your Marriage!”

This system offers you the life-changing results you and your family need. The first step is taking a Passive Aggressive Test, where your husband sits down alone and tests himself to get a definitive answer. He controls his answers; thus, he comes to realize the “passive aggressive” situation on his own. No more fights about who is right or who has the stronger argument! Your home is not a court of law, right?

However, that’s not the end. We want to make sure he changes his behavior, so your marriage and family can recover without a chance of regression! The system includes a ground-breaking electronic book called “Stop Your Passive Aggressive Behavior and Save Your Marriage.”

This book helps husbands understand what passive aggression behaviors are and why you’ve been calling them that this whole time. We take it further, including “The Essential Workbook to Defeat Passive Aggression” so that your husband can do the exercises necessary to analyze his past and see where his behaviors come from. These two products can give your husband the push he needs to change, NOW.

After your husband uses these materials, he can use the system’s included two coaching sessions and online forum to complete his healing process. Coaching is often the place where his actions hit home and he really realizes what he’s done to you and his family in his “defense” mode.

The beauty of this whole process is that it is carried out mainly by him, in a way that leads him to his own discoveries. You have no burden to convince him with online printouts and official statements from experts. However, you do have the option to join him in his quest – there’s an entire chapter in the book dedicated to what you can do to help him recover!

This system offers men a new way to look at their behavior, one that doesn’t include him trying to decide whether he believes what others tell him about himself. Our system suits his desire to heal only because HE sees the problem, not because YOU say there is one, so you don’t have to fight any longer! Don’t keep putting the burden on yourself to change him. That is no one’s job but HIS, and this system not only teaches him that… it teaches him how to do it!

Are you ready to get started with helping your husband help himself? Tell him to visit our Passive Aggressive Test to get started. Tell him that he can finally see for himself whether he’s passive aggressive or not! He can also order the Six-Step System here and get started immediately!

Be the first to visit our new solution here: http://passiveaggressivetest.com/StopPANow/

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today. 

We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

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They go from saying things like, “There is no way I can accept all this mumbo jumbo of PA… time heals everything. I can’t deal with her suffering, and I guess I have little to do with it. Why can’t she shut up, appreciate what I give to her and live normally like other women do?”

To: “I have been married for 17 years and apparently slowly torturing my wife for all of them.”

It can be shocking, depressing, frightening for the husband to see his actions and their consequences there in front of him. However, we don’t want his healing process to stop with “You’re passive aggressive” and then leave him hanging. Nothing will ever change that way, and it may get even worse! Our goal with the “Six-Step System to Stop Your Passive Aggression and Save Your Marriage” is to help him to see his behaviors, then look beyond them to the solutions that can help his relationships recover.

Although he may see his problem and want to solve it, he may also think, “I can’t afford to help myself!” We’re not offering expensive therapy as a solution. We’re offering him a chance to sit down with himself and think about the solutions he can handle and implement with little room for failure. This isn’t a therapy session, it’s a boot camp!

Be the first to visit our new solution here: http://passiveaggressivetest.com/StopPANow/

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

Stop Passive Aggression From Hurting Your Life! is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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We want to change that. Up until now, your husband hasn’t realized that there is a problem with his behavior. Even when something bad happens and he instinctively knows he was responsible, he holds on to the idea that he is innocent because he doesn’t want  people to think of him as doing bad things on purpose or being a “bad person.” Better an unaware person than a bad person, right?

The problem is, he’s promoting more bad situations by avoiding looking at problems directly. His relationships end up sabotaged by his own brain and learned reactions, and in defense mode, he can’t admit that there’s a problem and work to heal it. So, things just get worse and worse for him – the wife is more threatening and confrontational, he’s more defensive, which makes the wife more confrontational! It’s an endless cycle of vicious situations.

Most of the time, what everyone calls his “passive aggression” is done by his unconscious brain, reflexively. He may not know what he’s doing when he does it. But it’s important for him to stop now and see that he IS doing something with a negative impact. The next step shouldn’t be denial but a question to himself: “HOW DO I STOP?”
His actions become unconscious when they are learned early on in life. By not trying to identify these behaviors and heal them, he’s ignoring his childhood influences and their HUGE impact on his life even now. The consequences? Constant fear of connecting with his loved ones and bleak, utter loneliness. The sense that something is wrong and threatening, that he should protect himself from it, but never knowing exactly why or what from is always with him. He (and you!) can never be happy in that mode!

Be the first to visit our new solution here: http://passiveaggressivetest.com/StopPANow/

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation (by clicking here), with a plan for action to change your life with new skills included. Just click this link and get started now!

Finally, A Solution That Speaks to Your Passive Aggressive Husband! is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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