Are you ready for breaking up with a passive aggressive man?
OK, you have first discovered and later reconciled with the idea that you are in a PA marriage;
You have discussed, talked and read as much as you can;
You put together the pieces of information you have about his life and can pinpoint the right stage of his development when something went wrong and he stopped developing into a grown man…
And, if you connect with your heart, you know that your love for him is gone…
Now, you are ready to leave. This is the bare-bones plan to break away from passive aggressive man; you can look at it as the basic steps in the road to recovery of your own self:
FAR before getting to this point you need to have detached yourself from the idea that he needs your help and that you are the one to help, support and develop him. Look carefully at his attitude and ask yourself: is he doing the things he needs to do to grown up, by himself? or is it because I keep pushing him?
Is he going through the motions of improvement, because I’m so desperate that I keep nagging and pushing him?
Now you know the sad truth: …if he is only trying to placate you, but his initiative is not there, he doesn’t feel involved.
PLEASE, DROP THIS PROJECT! Nothing can you do against his will, but waste your loving energy. (Besides, if you feel strongly motivated to help him, it’s time to begin thinking on your own addiction to his way of frustrating you…)
Repeat: “This has to be motivated by his compromise with his own life; not by my requests and my constant pushing…”
Let’s see if he can do it only by himself. If yes, congratulate him, and continue leaving him alone to do his own growth plan…
If no, go to step 2
Focus on your own life. Now, you need to review your life mission, see how much of it you had done before getting together with him, and what part is missing.
Realize that this painful part of your life has also a purpose, to strengthen you, but at the same time, it was a distraction from your path…
Now that you are back into your own life project, identify what skills you have learned from this difficult relationship, and move on to your future.
So, this painful time is not like being lost in the desert, but a necessary step to give you the skills you will be needing in the next part of your life.
Nothing was lost, you were doing the harshest of trainings only to emerge from this relational ordeal stronger.
Can you look at this list, to see which skills are the ones that this situation forced you to develop?
Having shifted your focus from healing/educating him, to watching your own life purpose, and embracing your just learned skills, you are ready to design your own NEW LIFE.
Do you have a clear vision of what you are supposed to be? Can you recover it from your childhood dreams? Focusing on your vision is a whole new project, that should take all your energy and strength. There is much more to learn, but you can begin by drawing your life map, recovering old creative expressions from your past, and in general, being ready to listen to your own intuition.
THIS IS YOUR WHOLE PLAN….DON’T SKIP ANY STEPS, BECAUSE IF YOU ARE NOT DETACHED, YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY ENERGY FOR YOURSELF! If you would like an extra hand, call me for free, visiting my coaching site!
And there is more: here is our own book on leaving a passive aggressive husband, as a free download! Enjoy, and write with your comments!