A note of warning: if you are deeply unhappy in this relationship, probably you are also depressed and hopeless, with little capacity to think by yourself on the future you want…then it will take a strong personal effort to dis-entangle yourself from it.

Even being low and beaten down, can you see what’s ahead? Can you see how your life could be improved and made worthwhile through some necessary changes? Do you see how much happier you can be?  No? Well, please, look at this future picture a bit longer, because you need this picture of a “happy you” to move out from the present trap!

One of the first steps in this healing process is to identify and accept your own contribution to the state of your marriage now. Were you too lenient with negative attitudes? Did you ignore insults or cold shoulders for too long? By not speaking out, did you seem to approve of nasty behaviors like insulting, yelling and trashing the other’s image in public? Are you yourself responsible of also doing them to your spouse?

Take a bit of time by yourself and write down the list of hurtful behaviors common now in your household…each one of them. Now, time to think: what do you want instead of each one of them? Take time to visualize what could be.

Now, you need to have a conversation with your partner. Is it possible? If it is not possible because the risk of aggression is too high, you and your partner may want to take a break from one another to work out your own feelings.  It doesn’t have to be long – for some couples, a month apart from one another is enough to clear their heads and find out what they really need from one another.

When you return from the separation, you will be better prepared to think, “Okay, do both of us have anything positive left to keep this relationship going?” Sometimes, separated couples find that once they are away from each other, they realize they were less interested in staying together than they thought. If you or your partner comes to this realization, it has to be respected (even if you decide later to stay together). If one or the other forces someone to stay even when they’re not sure they want to, the toxic cycle will just continue.

The most important thing to realize when devising a strategy is this: what do I have to do to get my happiness back? Or to grow up into a person who can enter into a relationship knowing what she needs to be happy, and secure that the other person understands and can deliver what she needs?

As you can see, there is a long road in front of you: the good thing is that there is more happiness in front of you….keep your eyes focused!

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Subscribe now by signing up to the offer of a free ebook: “Healthy Marriage” on this same page!.

Healing a Toxic Love Relationship is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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What does it mean, that the love in your relationship has become toxic? It means that the heart of your relationship has become sick; you are two unhealthy people joined by needs that are not fulfilled. Almost like cancer, you begin consuming each other, until there is nothing healthy left.

The problem is that, also like cancer, this toxic love can go undetected for a very long time. You each may fool the other into thinking that you are nurturers and givers, when in fact, all that exists now is anger and insecurity. It is easy to see how, eventually, both people forget what it means to be healthy, in a healthy relationship. They begin thinking that this is the way it will always be.

How do you know if you’re in a toxic love relationship?

It’s simpler than it seems. Do you feel afraid or anxious most of the time you are with that person? When you’re apart, do you feel content because you are having a good time without this person, or do you worry about what they’re doing?

Maybe it’s hard for you to decide, because you’re used to seeing other couples handle things badly, too. It could be that your own parents had a toxic relationship, and you’ve just gotten used to it. Were them excessively dependent on each other, like enmeshed into each other? Were them used to a lot of domination and control of one on the other? We are talking here about relationships were the impact of the connection ends up smothering individual growth, or thinking or creativity of one or both partners. From the outside, they seem as they can’t be happy together, but also can’t be apart from each other…Do you recognize the picture?

Some other indicators of toxic love are:

• Hating the person you are with him;
• Thinking only about what you need to be happy, but can’t get
• Beginning to dread spending time with your partner
• You need to force him into having your way, but keep failing
• The two of you are pulled in different directions, but can’t be apart
• Struggling to find common interests,  beyond “the children”
• Can’t agree on how money should be spent, start separate accounts
• Afraid to open up and share your ideas or feelings
• You’re ignored in public
• One or both of you flirt with other people
• Fear of your partner
• Disagree about what love really means

If your passive aggressive relationship has progressed to this toxic level, it is time to heal it, before you are both consumed by the frustration!

Please tune in to our next blog posting: Healing Your Emotionally Toxic Relationship…see you soon!

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today; get your free ebook “Healthy Marriage” by subscribing now.

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My best friend, Anne, was at the end of her rope. Of course she was developing ulcers and was taking some kind of pills for the rest of her life. Of course she was unable to sleep and would toss and turn the whole night, thinking that perhaps a new pill will provide relief!

It took me some time before I had the courage to ask her: What is happening to you? And she said “I’m sick and tired of the things my husband does each day…but I don’t know how to face him and make him stop such nasty behaviors, and I’m so angry at him that I could explode any time!”

What happens is that  she is afraid of his resistance and probably strong denial and thus she leaves a bad situation to escalate into a worst one, where her anger sits in a bed of despair and contempt. All because Anne doesn’t know how to confront him!

Or course, at this time, there is little love or respect left in her for him, who is oblivious to the depth of her negative feelings… He thinks that she has stress ulcers! Of course, he could ask the question: “what are the things that cause you so much stress…?” but he is avoiding exactly this kind of conversation! It is obvious how they are colliding in the same denial.

It took some private meetings with her to get to the bottom of her feelings and for me to be able to ask the question:

“Why is that you don’t confront him with his negative behavior”? And her answer was: I never learnt how to face him! Because I was only told to be always nice and polite, I don’t know how to confront anybody when they do things that upset or damage me! And now, I’m scared of his reaction…

Is this a picture that you recognize? How far in the path of self-destruction are you willing to go, only to continue thinking about yourself as a “nice person, never aggressive”? Could you identify with this situation, where you have neither the permission to confront, nor the skills to do it in a safe way? Are you afraid of any kind of confrontation, even a healthy one to defend yourself?

This is partially true: if you confront without knowing how to, in a respectful but firm way, you can get a worse response, and so confirm your fears. But, where does not doing a confrontation leave us? If we can’t confront, we stay frustrated and resentful, and the anger eats at us inside.

Meanwhile, the other person continues the offensive behavior as before, because nobody told him/her not to do so! When at last we do confront, we do in such state of frustration that results are not encouraging, and the other person, taken by surprise, can react very strongly.

If you don’t tell the other person when and how she is infringing on you:

* You are not in control of your life,
* You have a lot more stress.
* You begin carrying the emotional baggage of resentment.

The relationship deteriorates and the other person never has the opportunity to improve his behavior. Then, one day when “out of the blue” you decide to leave him, there will be a great shock!

THEN, if you confront:

* you get the control of your life back.
* You are not a passive victim.
* Stress level improves.
* Mental health goes back to balance.
* There is no build up of emotional baggage.

So, HOW do you confront someone about his/her inadequate behavior? It is simple, not by reproaching the wrong behavior, but asking for the right one:

If you are tempted to say something like:
“You are always a careless person! How do you dare to use my money without asking me if I could afford this expense! You are hurting my pocket in this way”

It is better to say:
“I need you to take better care of our money. When we have decided that this money should be used to pay X bills,, it would be better for us to stick to the plan, because there is no extra money now to pay for X. In this way, I will feel that we are really doing things together in a responsible way.”

Main parts of this new response are:
Focus is on “I” and not on “you,” because this expression is usually received as accusatory, and because it helps highlight the issue of what are our needs that are being frustrated now. You say it in a way that describes the problem’s impact on you, while providing a solution.

Three take away ideas:

1. It is best to confront soon, letting things fester is wrong.
2. It is best to confront skillfully, using this model.
3. Behavioral change requires that we keep confronting about the wrong behavior up until the moment when it improves, and then we praise the new behavior.

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to “From Conflicts to Love, a new guide to Interpersonal Conflicts.”

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If your passive aggressive partner is used to have you covering up for his withdrawal, silences and frequent claims of helplessness, then STOP.

You could train yourself on not reacting to cover up his missing activities. Given that your own welfare and livelihood are dependent on his, because living together, he is confident that you will save both of you at the last minute.

How could you pull this trick:

Declare somewhat casually that you are not to be automatically in charge of covering up what he leaves undone or forgets and that he needs to ask you for the favor of doing something in his own “to do list.” If there is no request from his side, inform him you will let the issue expire, drop or be disconnected.

Try to pick one issue not so fundamental to your own well being as the electricity supply. If this bill lapses because he didn’t remember to pay it, better you have your own flashlight hidden somewhere in the house.

Once you have selected your issue target, do nothing. Don’t remind him; don’t warn him; keep complete silence and see what happens.

Wait to mention the issue so he is the one first to recognize that something is not working. Wait to be asked if you did pay the bill, etc. then, look at him and say “That was in your list, and as we both are grown up people, we both need to take care of what needs to be done.”

Don’t offer to solve the problem; be prepared to live without, up until the moment he decides to go ahead and solve it. It can be difficult, but remember that you are making a point here.

Probably, the most difficult part of this strategy will be stopping yourself from helping, solving or taking care of things…This is a good thing to learn, so stay put, breathe deeply and remember to have fun and enjoy your own life.

PD. we have two more great strategies to teach you….keep reading. If you have a good friend in need of learning them, could you send this message to them? Thanks!

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Balancing Passive Aggression Strategy 1 is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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Lost are the initial illusions of intimacy, support and warmth. You had to learn to survive in a battle field of empty promises, cold shoulders and general loneliness. The abandonment scenario has been there all the time, it’s only now that you get to really see it….

What are you going to do now? How can you reconcile this reality, the same you’ve been denying all these years, with your needs? And, even a deeper question pops up: how are you going to see your own history up until now, as one of wasted love or something else?

You are confronted now with a fork in the road. One side takes you to the usual path: deny the loneliness, the love starvation you have been up until now; the other fork of the road takes you in a new direction.

Are you going to begin to be true to yourself? Have you won the right to say your truth, no matter what happens? Stop walking on egg shells and say out loud: “this is too lonely for me, and I need something different?”

This point is really also a breakthrough for the marriage. If sometimes the spouse of a PA person puts up with a lot, and in the process developing a deep resentment never addressed, getting to the moment of truth frees you from this tacit contract.

You are not supposed to continue going along with the charade that his behavior is enough company, enough support, enough love. It’s the time to learn how not to be silent, how to be aggressive in the good sense, and begin asking for what you really need.

Being assertive means that you know your needs; know that what he gives you is not enough food four your heart and soul, and that you need this time a real satisfaction of your needs for connection, love and respect.

And the old way of yielding to his sour mood in order to please him, to only keep the peace? it’s gone with the wind; you can’t sustain that pretense any longer. Your own integrity is demanding that now, for the first time, you have to put your own needs first…and follow through.

It doesn’t matter if he gets furious; it doesn’t matter if he goes into a hostile silence that lasts six weeks…your own integrity demands now that you’d be coherent with yourself. If there is something you need to do to procure more company, recognition, or support outside of the marriage, now is the moment of reaching out to your friends and family, and change your past response of accommodating to his passive aggression to one of self-assertion.

And, what happens with our basic question: was your love for him a wasted love? Of course not! it was only your own process of getting to love yourself first, which took some time to develop.

How come? Let’s see….How often did you put up with his rejection, only to be able to continue believing that you were part of a couple? Your being accepting of his quirkiness, wasn’t it also your need not to be alone, and to avoid getting other person angry at you?

In life, the more we prostitute ourselves for acceptance, the less we are accepted; in comparison with the price you paid, there was never any real appreciation, any real acceptance. This is your lesson.

If and when you are back into the person you really are, you will see that the learnings are deep: from now on, you know what do you want in life; you are not afraid of expressing your needs, and you also know that, as you did your individual spiritual development, he has to do his own process…

Who knows what is inside him and needs to be expressed, instead of his constant sulking? Whatever it is, now it is only his business…This is not your business any longer!

You did your best, and learned your lesson…Now, can you take the new, not the old road and see where it takes you to? It could be pretty educational, and also fun!

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.

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Then, one day, someone asks you: “Did you notice that he always gives you this passive aggressive responses that leave you in the lurch? how do you cope with the constant fog he creates around him?”…. and the light is on. Now you have a name for the behavior; now you don’t blame yourself first for not being clever enough as to understand him…You have to face the fact that you are in a passive aggressive marriage!

This is the moment when you can ask the real questions to yourself:

Are you prepared to release your own pent-up feelings of helplessness against life and marriage?

Do you crave open, honest communication with your partner, but he gives you the cold shoulder often?

Do you think you could have a good amount of respect for him if only you understood your husband’s motivations better, so he would and could be responsible of his marital duties?

Do you want finally to know when to trust him to follow up on his promises to you?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions it is time to learn how to control your future and discover the secrets to reclaiming your full love life.

If you feel trapped in an unhappy relationship, or if you are tired of useless confrontations with your loved one, it is time to make a change, by learning a new way of addressing him that protects you better….and leaves him in a place where he needs to treat you differently.

If you are ready to stop waiting for him to change; and you are ready to take control of your relationship and move it into a whole new direction, then you need to know this information

If this e-book gets to your hands, and you read it carefully, there WILL BE change. Your relationship will be different, and you will be empowered to face your marriage in a new way.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Tired of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband? is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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The three examples of detachment are here, in this article by Dr Tomasulo, reproduced from psychcentral.com, Many thanks!

How do I deal with my passive-aggressive mother-in-law?

By DANIEL J. TOMASULO, PHD, TEP, MFA

Q.: My relationship with my mother in law is dragging me down. She routinely criticizes, slights, and insults me. This is usually done in a sly enough manner that it’s hard to challenge her behavior directly without feeling as though I’m overreacting. It’s her attitude that’s the problem. She has been condescending and catty from day one of our marriage. I believe she lives under a lot of self-imposed guilt and when she sees me being happy and carefree, it activates her anxieties and she wants to bring me down.

Also, I think she is jealous of no longer being the most important woman in her son’s life, and perhaps of the popularity I have with the rest of their family as well.

I don’t think I can change her and I don’t well see how I can avoid her, either. I think it is better for me to put up with some unpleasantness than to come between my husband and his mother whom he loves, and who has been a good enough mother from all I can tell. I don’t think he’d go stay with them without me, at least not very often. We spend one weekend with them every month or so as it is.

Also, I have excellent relationships with the rest of my in-laws, and a complete rupture with her would mean at least a partial rupture with them, which I don’t want to make. Lastly, I’m expecting a baby in the fall and I want to do what I can to promote great relationships between my baby and all of his/her grandparents. Starting a feud with my mother- in- law would not be conducive to this.

So, I don’t feel I can change her or cut her out of my life. The question is, how to tolerate this persistent unkindness and persecution without letting it poison me? As it is, I dread seeing her days before I do and fume over her cattiness for days after I’m exposed to it. It seems silly that a few snarky remarks over an occasional weekend that take her a few seconds to deliver should cast a pall over so many days of my life.

This is especially frustrating because I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, I love our new home, and I’m beyond happy about my growing baby. I want to revel in these things without becoming brooding and resentful over a nasty person who doubtless makes her own misery and needn’t make mine.

Also, I never wanted to be one of those clichéd women who are always griping about their mothers-in-law, and now look at me.

A: I think you are trying to manage a very difficult situation, and feeling the struggle of trying to provide balance in the family. While it is hard to know for sure, your analysis of why she is like this is certainly in keeping with relevant theories on this type of passive-aggressive behavior. This is difficult, but I do think there are strategies that might help.

From your description your mother-in-law doesn’t sound like she knows or cares that she has this impact on you. You will need several tools to unhook from her cattiness and sly remarks. The main feature is to not let her activate your defensiveness. In other words, the work here is to ‘detach with love’ as the Al-Anon programs might say, and don’t take any of her bait.

There are three strategies that tend to work in these situations, and they come in varying degrees of leverage. All three have one thing in common, and that is to leave the discomfort with her rather than with you. This is not antagonistic, but rather leaving the problem at its origin, with her.

In his classic book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values, Robert M. Pirsig referred to the fact that the Japanese have a notice at the beginning of their instructions on how to assemble a new purchase. The notice says (I am paraphrasing): “To begin, the assembler must be in the right frame of mind.” This is where you begin with your encounter with her. Begin in the right frame of mind, which is: This is her issue — do not let it become yours.

When she says an unkind comment or criticism offer back a simple descriptive statement of what she said: “It sounds like you’re unhappy with how I keep my home.” Or: “You seem disappointed in what was served for dinner.” In other words, let her criticisms and persecutions be her. Again, don’t take the bait and feel the need to defend yourself. A descriptive statement allows you to stay present but not become overwhelmed by her taunts.

The second coping method is to respond with a statement that directly identifies the fact that the issue is hers. “It must be hard for you to feel so disappointed so often.” Or: “It seems like you are unhappy when you are here.”

The third encounter has a uniqueness to it because it is twofold. It uses a question as a way of undoing the hurtfulness behind her condescending or persecuting mannerr. After she has said something hurtful, ask a question: “When you say things like that, do you ever wonder what it might be like for me to hear?” “Or: “Are you aware how often you say things like that?” Or: “Are you this unhappy when you are at home?”

The second part of this depends on you, and what you feel is appropriate. The stance is the same: This is her issue; do not let it become yours. After she answers the question you may use the other strategies to stay engaged without becoming defensive.

Typically someone like your mother-in-law is skilled in not taking responsibility for his or her passive-aggressive hurtfulness, so a direct confrontation is usually unproductive. But offering some feedback in this second part might be helpful, as long as you keep your expectations low. After asking one of the questions in the previous paragraph, you might try adding something like: “…because when you say things like that it makes it hard for me to be around you.”

Don’t feel the need to explain or defend yourself. Doing so will get you nowhere but more frustrated. Just say what you feel is factual, then go back to the other strategies without trying to defend or criticize. Your job here is to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed. With some practice your mother-in-law will learn that she isn’t upsetting you, but that her insults land back on her doorstep.

If your husband is agreeable you might ask him to help role-play with you to build up your skill. This may help the two of you bond over the issue as well.

Good luck with this. It will take you a while to get good at responding but in the words of the great Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Daniel J. Tomasulo, Ph.D., MFA is a licensed psychologist specializing in group psychotherapy and psychodrama, and author of the new book, Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir.
Visit www.formerchild.com for more information.
Article Source :How do I deal with my passive-aggressive mother in law

Detach from Passive Aggression, kindly! is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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Detaching is observing the behavior without showing a lot of emotion.  If you do not react strongly, you do not give the passive aggressive person the emotional control, nor do you give them the opportunity to turn the tides and focus on your anger rather than on what the passive aggressive person has or has not done himself. 

This personality type relies on his partner’s sense of self-doubt so that he can force the conversation into dealing with her suppossed problems instead of reaching a decision about improving his behavior.

Also, learning about this behavior provides the basic self confidence you need to confront the behavior… it helps with the detaching when you know what can happen next.

 You can use the detaching also to re-direct the focus on yourself.  Once you know what you are dealing with, and become more confident  in your own capacity,  they are  less able to instill the doubt and make you the “bad person” and themselves the “injured” party…

 Detaching is also ignoring as many of the games as you possibly can.  You are going to be served with a variety of responses….it’s best to look at them as if you were at a theatre, and imagine that you are going to be surprised again and again….Remind yourself: “What next will he do?”

Whatever the reasons the passive aggressive person has to do what he does, like:  searching for  attention, deploying a sense of victimhood, following the inner need to exact revenge ( from a real or imagined slight from you). or just to show you that they do not have to do what you want them to do… and so be in the superior imaginary position, they want you to be aggravated by their resistance. If you show that it does not matter in such an important way, you are detaching.

If you do not react emotionally, then they do not get the reward they were seeking and this emptiness should eventually discourage their behavior. 

Detaching means a consistent lack of emotional impact, regardless what they do. Is like you are blunting their ability to hurt you. This has to give you enough emotional freedom as to negotiate what you need from him from a more secure and powerful footing.

Finally: When you DO have to confront them, do it in a very calm manner.    If you stay in control,  they cannot only “hear” you better they realize that you are serious. 

Also, make sure that you can and will follow through with whatever you say you will do…. They will call your bluff.   Let them know that it isn’t personal… That it isn’t a “payback” but that you cannot tolerate the offending behavior and  state the consequences if they do not stop doing exactly this kind of behavior.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

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Or just wanted to get someone with an external perspective to advice you on how to approach a specific situation that has been troubling your mind for too long?

Or you wished to have someone from the inside, sharing with you her experiences?

If that is the case, then we have news for you! It happens on January 19!

In association with Ladybeams, the owner of the interesting blog named:  http://padontstandforpaloalto.wordpress.com

we will have a FREE live teleseminar offering our best strategies to improve your life!    Yes, you will have the opportunity to ask your questions, listen to the answers, type your comments and in general, share a supportive environment with other people in the same situation.

Moreover, we will talk about the launching of a new ebook,  offer more tools to improve your life soon, and an important deal for all of you attending!

Once you register, you can have the new ebook with a 50% discount!

REGISTER HERE:        http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/ask/

Waiting to hear your questions  in the Teleseminar, so we can have a conversation about how to help you. Please, Register Now!  THANKS.

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Even when this suggestion can appear as preposterous, there is much wisdom in this approach. If you are really at your wit’s end, why not to try this?

The first step is to detach. You need to teach yourself to be detached,  able to see any behavior from your husband in an impersonal way, and to stop taking his faults personally,  (like avoid seeing his  dirty clothes on the floor as a personal affront, or a symbol of how he doesn’t care enough about you).

The second step is you should reward behavior you like and completely ignore behavior you don’t. This means not only stop nagging, but learn to block from your perception the behavior you don’t want.  You become more and more “blind” to that behavior…..and only see what you can appreciate.

If he is doing his usual passive aggressive routine, being silent and leaving you in a vacuum, don’t escalate into a full blown discussion. Don’t ask for a solution, don’t repeat your question, and don’t issue a deadline. Just go about your life, undisturbed.

In Amy’s words, “When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn’t respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away.”

In the next opportunity your husband is raising his voice, trashing things around and looking upset, you can try to say nothing, and keep doing what you are doing.

It can take a lot of discipline to maintain your calm, but it helps to think that his mood is probably not related to you. There are several sources of his discomfort, and usually you are not his problem….and if he insists on telling you that you are the problem, is because he is nervous. If you don’t escalate the fight, and try to stay calm, he will calm down.

This strategy is paired with constant recognition. Whatever positive action, even if it is bringing the groceries from the car to the kitchen, needs thanks from you.  If he is doing more, like doing grocery shopping alone, you can even give him a kiss.

All this strategy applies also the concept that whatever you focus on, it tends to take center stage: if you focus on a negative trait of your partner, like his tendency to be late for appointments and dates, then this trait will become prevalent and it will negate the perception of other positive traits that attracted you to him before.

Of course, it’s difficult to find aspects to praise when you are upset and dissapointed with your partner, but this can be a new way to frame the relationship and take you out of a dissapointing rut.

Here are some extra ideas that you can consider:

1. Every time you need to ask him about some changes needed, begin recollecting the good things done;
2. Try to find a positive thing to comment on daily;
3. Don’t you dare to mention his negative aspects without talking about how good the positive ones are, first.
4. If the results are awful, you can always praise his good intention;
5. Be very creative and find unexpected aspects to praise: a busy person that accomplishes everything could be praised for her constant smile, or his good disposition even along the busiest day;
6. Don’t be mean, don’t link praise with immediate critique: “you did well, but forgot this part.” In this case, the “but” will cancel the praise.

Apply this techniques for a while and you will see a change in the quality of your relationship, having more trust, and pleasure in the mutual company.

Neil Warner

I’m the “relationship guru,” and my main focus is to increase the quality of love-based relationship experiences. In this ground-breaking guide I offer useful strategies on healing a difficult angry relationship with love and compassion. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship one more minute. Let us share our tools with you today.

Tips to manage difficult husband’s behaviors is a post from: Passive Aggressive Husband

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