All the New Year Resolutions we hash out semi convinced at the big end of the year party have a common root…all stem from and connect with that ideal self that we all carry inside. Our “ideal person.”

So here is the universal wish: “I want the new year to be the time when I get to live as the person I want to be. Nothing more, nothing less…”

What does it mean? and we don’t refer here to a lonely mirror image of our ideal self, in any way.  This New Self is a social image; has to be confirmed and valued and appreciated by the people around us…our loved ones have to see us in this best light: as the person we want to be always, not a lesser image never complete or satisfactory.

Perhaps this is the daily fight. Perhaps this is the aspiration that brings us into relationships: we need others to mirror a good and valued image of us. Perhaps this other person will be loving enough, compassionate enough as to see me, the real, good me hidden under superficial trappings, and always ready to do better.

What if we could conceive relationships as the arena where we invite each other to develop into this excellent version of him/herself? What if we described marriage as a “society for mutual admiration” where both sides could get recognition and confirmation of their reciprocal best aspects? That really would help us a lot to grow into that admired, and always elusive project, of “the best person I can be.”

Now, this wish is functional to the relationship; is clearly the core of it…helping each other develop their best aspects and grow. So personal development gets linked with the kind of attachment we have in our lives: positive, nurturing attachment will develop our best selves; insecure or hostile attachment will freeze us into a permanent frustration of our personal growth…

Getting to this point, I wish to remember readers that personal development is our true job in life; that attachments help or hinder us in this permanent growing up project, and that, if we consider our reciprocal ties as the dirt where from our growth comes through, then relationships are the ground where we root to develop better into the person we want (and need) to be.

Now, we wish our readers good, nurturing attachments where to feel secure and appreciated; to be able to face harsh relationships as another way of growing up by becoming stronger through pain; in short, that each of you knows who is this man or woman they want to be, and never get lost getting there!

MIGHT YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION, OR YOUR DEEP WISH BECOME A REALITY!